The Expansion Paradigm
by Joseph Aniwaya
Summary: This story begins where the Home Invasion Proposition left off and is a prequel to the Emily Derivative. They have been married for 10 months at the beginning of the story. This story goes severely off-canon and is a quite fluffy, just saying. If you haven't read the Home Invasion story, there will be some unfamiliar characters. Please no anonymous reviews: I want to thank you.
1. Chapter 01: Schrodinger's Fetus

**Schrodinger's Fetus **

Chapter 1 Schrodinger's Fetus

_Note: This story is a continuation of the __Home Invasion Proposition a__nd is a prequel to the __Emily Derivative. __If you haven't read the Home Invasion story, you might not recognize some of the characters. I've caught some heat from some folks for going off-canon in my other two stories, but, hey, off-canon is where I'm headed. I'm just saying. If I was happy with the direction the show sometimes takes, depicting Penny as a petulant, commitment-phobic child and Leonard as a love-sick buffoon, both of them facing interminable Ross and Rachel angst, I wouldn't be writing these. I adore Leonard and Penny and want them to be happy._

Scene 1 Christmas Eve

Penny sat with Molly in her lap. Molly was holding Penny's hair with one hand and beaming up at her.

Penny tickled Molly in the tummy and said, "What are you looking at?"

Molly cackled.

"I heard that somebody is going to be three years old the day after Christmas," Penny said.

"Me!" Molly shouted.

Penny kissed Molly on her forehead and squeezed her. She looked longingly at Linda and Mitchell as they helped put icicles on Janice' family's Christmas tree. She met Leonard's eyes. He nodded knowingly at her and smiled as she mouthed, "I want one."

"Penny," Leonard's sister Janice said, "You are so great with my children. They obviously adore you. The fuss you and Leonard made over Linda and Mitchell on their birthdays, they haven't stopped talking about it. Paul and I are grateful you and Leonard allowed us to name you two in our wills as who will get our children if something happens to us."

"Leonard and I love them very much," Penny said, squeezing Molly again. "When Leonard asked what I wanted to do for Christmas, coming here and spending it with you guys and the Munchkins—and my brand new sister-in-law—was first on my list. Thank you so much for inviting us. We can't wait to have all of you at our home." She looked around the room. "Janice, Paul, you have a beautiful home."

"With three children," Paul said, "It's not this picked-up most of the time, even with a housekeeper."

Michael said, "You know something? I just realized that this is your and Leonard's 10-month anniversary."

"Now that I think of it, you're right," Janice said. "You were married on February 24, and now it's Christmas Eve. Ten months."

"We still celebrate every month," Penny said. "We've been through a lot in the past year, and it's nice to have something good to celebrate." She suddenly grabbed her stomach and said, "Oh, that's unpleasant."

"What?" Janice asked.

"I felt for a moment as if I might vomit again," Penny said. "I think it's passed. It was like a wave. I'm all right now. We had some turbulence on the airplane yesterday, and I think I still have some air sickness. I never get air sick."

Leonard was holding his new baby sister Miranda, who was sleeping. "Where did you get the name Miranda?" he asked Rachel.

Rachel said, "That was my grandmother's name. We're planning on calling her Randi."

"Like the precious little girl who was on _Northern Exposure?_ I couldn't sleep the other night, and I found an episode from the 1990s, and she was in it." Janice said. "She was so cute. Her name was Miranda and told the pregnant woman she was talking to that her parents call her Randi. I wonder what happened to that little girl. She was so adorable. She should be about your and Penny's age now."

"I saw that one too," Rachel said. "We had already decided on Miranda, but we got the name Randi from that precious little girl."

"Aunt Penny, is Santa Claus coming to see you and Uncle Leonard tonight?" Linda asked.

Mitchell started to say something, but his mother put her finger to her lips signaling him to not say what he was about to say.

"Sweetie, Santa knows Uncle Leonard and I are here. He's going to leave Uncle Leonard's and my presents at our home in California so they'll be there when we get back, so we won't have to carry them on the plane," Penny said. "We have a beautiful Christmas tree there, but we wanted to come spend Christmas—and Molly's birthday—with you guys."

"Santa may still come to see Aunt Penny here," Leonard said.

Penny turned to Leonard and asked, "What do you mean?"

"You'll see," Leonard said. "Maybe Santa found something Aunt Penny can carry on the plane and it won't be a big deal."

"Penny, you want some soy nog?" Janice asked. "I didn't put any alcohol in it in case you-know-what happens. Everyone else, we have something to juice it up with in case you want it."

"Thank you, Janice," Penny said. Janice handed her a cup. "I'm getting used to having married into a lactose-intolerant family. I'm even getting used to soy milk. I do wish I hadn't seen the Lewis Black HBO special in which he said there's no such thing as soy milk, that it's soy juice. That's just gross. Thank you for getting some regular milk for me, by the way. I may make some alcohol-free eggnog for Rachel, Paul, Renee, and me from whole milk in a bit, the way we did on the farm."

"Aunt Penny," Mitchell said, "We watch you and Uncle Leonard on Wednesdays on your science show."

"Mitchell's teacher didn't believe him at first when he told her that's his uncle and aunt on the show," Janice said. "Once I told her that he was telling the truth, she was impressed. Mitchell has become a celebrity at school."

"Maybe we need to do a shout-out to the class or Skype with them," Leonard said. "We'll have to figure out something. We have to be back in New York in a couple of months. Maybe we could swing up here and visit the class."

"That would be wonderful if you could arrange it. I can't peel them away from the TV when the show is on," Janice said. "Mitchell in particular was fascinated when the two of you went into that tunnel with the bats and then walked behind the waterfall."

"Did you get wet walking behind the waterfall?" Mitchell asked.

"No, sweetie, we actually got more wet walking in the tunnel. Oh!" Penny suddenly grabbed her stomach again. "Whoa. I must have eaten something that didn't agree with me," she said. "I'm not feeling that well. I don't think this is just leftover air sickness."

"Penny, you ate the same thing I did at the restaurant," Renee said. "I'm OK."

"Penny, you were sick this morning. I hope you're all right," Janice said.

"What can I do to help?" Leonard asked.

"Nothing right now," Penny said. "I'm a bit nauseated. Oh, time for the show."

They turned the TV to a special Christmas Eve episode of _Nerds._

"This episode will be safe for the Munchkins," Penny said. "The producers figured that a lot of little ones would be watching on Christmas Eve and made sure it's family friendly, not so much you-know-what innuendo."

"What's it about?" Janice asked.

"Katie, my character, is appalled that the guys across the hall don't know how to celebrate Christmas," Penny said. "Before Katie, they just sat around eating take-out, playing video games, and watching movies all day on Christmas. It was just a day off for them. She's going to nag them into putting up a Christmas tree and exchanging presents. It's going to be sweet and funny at the same time."

"How is the show going?" Michael asked as the local show before _Nerds _rolled the closing credits.

"We're nominated for the best new comedy," Penny said.

"And Penny is nominated for the best actress in a comedy, although she's too modest to say it," Leonard said.

During the show, Janice nodded at Linda and Molly and whispered to Penny, "They're fascinated seeing their Aunt Penny on TV pretending to be someone else."

"Aunt Penny," Linda said during a commercial, "Why was that man kissing you?"

"I'm pretending to be their neighbor Katie," Penny said. "On the show, the man who kissed Katie is in love with her. He put up mistletoe over the door so he could kiss her if she stood under it. If a man and woman stand under mistletoe, they're supposed to kiss. Uncle Leonard was standing about 20 feet from where the actor and I kissed. He knew we were just pretending."

"Kissing, yecch!" Mitchell said.

"You know what, Mitchell?" Leonard said, "I'll remind you that you said that in about 10 years."

"Uncle Leonard," Mitchell said, "The man who kissed Aunt Penny looks like you."

"Yeah? I noticed that too," Leonard said. "A long time ago, when he was a teenager, he was on a show called _Roseanne._ Then he was in some movies called the National Lampoon Vacation movies with a man named Chevy Chase."

"That's a funny name," Linda said.

After _Nerds _was over, Linda and Mitchell kept talking about how funny the show was, especially the tall guy, Eldon, who, Mitchell thought, looked like a grasshopper.

When Janice told the children it was time to get ready for bed, Linda and Molly asked if Penny could help get them ready. Michael told them that he, Renee, Grandpa Al, and Rachel were staying at Michael's house but would be back early the next morning with Randi to watch them open their Christmas presents.

Penny helped put Molly and Linda to bed and read them the "Night before Christmas" on her iPad. Mitchell said he could put himself to bed, but he hung in the doorway as Penny read the story. Penny tucked him in, kissed him on the forehead, and told she loved him. She and Janice came back into the living room to find the other adults watching _Two Men and a Kid._

"Penny, please tell me to butt out if you don't want to answer this, but how long is it now that you and Leonard have been trying to have a baby?" Janice asked.

"It has just been three months," Penny said. "I just assumed that we would succeed on the first or second try, but now we've been through three menstrual cycles."

"Ew, menstrual cycles," Michael, Leonard, and Al said simultaneously.

"I'm sure your gynecologist told you it can take a while," Janice said, frowning at her father and two brothers.

"Oh, yes," Penny said. "I had been around enough couples to know it doesn't happen right away most of the time—when they're actually trying to have a baby. A lot of my friends and relatives found out they were expecting by surprise, when they weren't trying. My cousin Ellen and her husband tried for over a year before they were successful. The psychic I go to told me that we would be successful the first cycle we tried. I guess she was off a bit. All right, Dr. Hofstadter, I'm not looking in your direction, but I can feel you rolling your eyes. Anyway, my doctor told me that, if lightning hasn't struck by my sixth cycle, she'll run some tests, and she'll send Leonard in for a sperm count." She turned and looked at Leonard and said, "If Dr. Hofstadter keeps rolling his eyes and sighing when I talk about my psychic, she may have to send him to a proctologist for a Size 7 shoe extraction."

Leonard leaned over and kissed Penny on the cheek as Rachel took Randi from him and took her into the bedroom to feed her.

Janice asked, "How are the panic attacks?"

"I haven't had one since a couple of nights before the two guys tried to kill Patti and me," Penny said. "That was five months ago."

"Leonard, your hand looks good," Janice said.

"It's completely healed," Leonard said. "I can do anything now I could do before I broke it. Master Kim has us breaking boards, and he's having me do it with my right hand just in case. I wear a brace on my left hand during training, but I don't think I need it."

Leonard and Penny sat up with the adults watching movies and helping assemble the children's presents. Leonard assembled Mitchell's bicycle while Penny and Rachel assembled Linda's.

When Leonard and Penny sat on the side of the bed removing their shoes, Penny said, "Leonard, there are varmints under the covers. If they are bed varmints, we need to make sure we beat them silly." She pretended to beat the covers. Linda and Molly, who were hiding under the sheets, giggled.

"It looks as if we're going to have some snuggle buddies," Leonard said.

Leonard and Penny took turns dressing for bed in the bathroom. By the time Leonard returned to bed, Penny was spooning Linda and Molly. Molly was asleep and was holding onto a handful of Penny's hair.

"You know," Leonard said, "If you ever cut your hair, you'll have to start wearing a wig." Leonard slid into bed and spooned Penny with his arm over Molly and Linda. "Penny," he said, "Janice is right. You are going to be a wonderful mother."

Scene 2 Christmas Day

The next morning, Penny sat in the floor in front of the Christmas tree at Janice' family's house helping Linda and Molly unwrap their presents and wearing her new matching earrings and necklace.

"Leonard, sweetie, these are so beautiful," she said. "Don't they make quite the fashion statement with my sleep pants and your Dr. Who T-shirt?"

"I told Santa what a good girl you've been," Leonard said, "So he wanted to do something special for you. I understand he left some things for you under the tree at our house."

"Well, you tell Santa I love him very much," Penny said. "Tell him there will be something extra-special in his stocking when we get back to California."

"Uncle Leonard, thank you and Aunt Penny for my presents," Mitchell said.

"Me too," Linda said.

"Me too," Molly said.

"You're welcome, sweeties," Penny said. "It was Uncle Leonard's idea to talk to Santa and have him bring them here for us instead of our bringing them with us on the plane."

Janice hugged Leonard and said, "You and Penny have been so generous."

Just then, Molly, who had wandered off, reached up and tried to grab the bubbling Christmas Tree light before anyone could stop her. She screamed as she touched it. Seven adults started toward her, but Penny was the first to reach her. She picked up the sobbing child and held her, telling her everything would be all right. She walked around bouncing her as she sang "Soft Kitty."

"It's just red, not blistering," Janice said as she examined Molly's hand.

"Sweetie, it'll be all right," Penny said, taking Molly's hand and kissing it where it had touched the light. Molly smiled at Penny as Penny dabbed her face with a tissue to clean off the tears. "That's my brave girl."

Janice was smiling as she watched Penny and Molly. "You know something?" she said to Leonard, "Penny is going to be a wonderful mom. And you are going to be a wonderful dad. I already knew you were one of the most loving people I had ever known—even if you are my pesky little brother—but Penny's right up there with you."

Penny sat back in the floor holding Molly, who had calmed down. Molly grabbed a handful of Penny's hair with one hand and sucked the thumb of her other hand. Penny picked up a present for Molly from Al and Rachel and helped Molly unwrap it.

"Aunt Penny," Linda said, "When are you and Uncle Leonard going back to California?"

"We're going back home the day after tomorrow," Penny said.

"Why do you have to go home?" Linda asked.

Penny said, "Well, your mommy and daddy have to go back to work on Monday, and we have a wedding. Do you remember Aunt Patti? She and my Daddy are going to get married, and Uncle Leonard and I have to be there for that."

"I'm going to get married one day," Linda said.

"And I'll be there," Penny said, setting Molly on the floor. "Excuse me."

Penny ran to the toilet. Leonard followed closely, asking, "Sweetheart, are you all right?"

"I'm going to be sick," Penny said.

"Penny did the same thing yesterday morning," Janice said. She looked at her husband Paul. "Dr. OBGYN, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Um hum," Paul said.

A few minutes later, Penny re-joined the family.

"Here," Michael said. "I poured you a glass of ginger ale."

Janice walked in from the kitchen and handed Penny some crackers. "I'll show you an old trick I learned with my nausea. Break off about a third of the cracker and let it dissolve on your tongue. That helped me."

"Thanks," Penny said, breaking off part of a cracker. "That's the same thing my friends did when they were nauseated with. . . uh, oh." She looked Janice in the eye.

"Uh, Penny," Janice said. "Do you have any pregnancy tests on you?"

"I do," Penny said. "I bought a pack at Costco. I was planning to check this morning, but the children were so excited that I wanted to come in and see them open their presents."

Janice said, "Why don't we go check, just to see?"

Penny looked at Leonard and then back at Janice. "You don't think. . . ." She looked at Linda and Mitchell, who were following every word.

"Let's just be sure," Janice said. "You probably have a stomach bug, but let's see."

"I'm not due for a couple of days," Penny said.

"Why don't you humor me," Janice said.

Leonard waited outside the bathroom door.

Penny walked out into the hallway holding the stick. She looked at her watch. When time was up, she said, "I'm afraid to look."

"It's positive," Janice said. "Leonard, are you all right? You look stunned."

"Uh, I, uh," Leonard said.

"Well said, well said," Michael, standing behind Leonard, grinning, said.

Leonard hugged Penny, who had started crying. "Sweetheart, we're going to have a baby," Leonard said. "Janice, Paul, what do we need to do? Do we need to go to a doctor to confirm it?"

"The tests Penny bought are pretty accurate," Paul said. "We can check again, but I seriously doubt they would give you a false positive. She'll need to visit her doctor as soon as you can after you get back to California."

Penny put her arms around Leonard's neck, kissed him, and said, "I can't believe it. I am the happiest I have ever been."

Leonard and Penny stood there holding each other. Michael came over and hugged both of them. "I love you guys," he said. "You are both going to be super parents."

"Oops, let me go. I'm going to be sick again," Penny said. She rushed back into the bathroom.

"What's wrong?" Mitchell said from the doorway.

Leonard looked at Janice and Paul.

"Champ," Paul said, "Aunt Penny's going to have a baby. Sometimes, when a woman is going to have a baby, it makes her sick for a few weeks. They call it morning sickness, but she can get sick any time of the day."

"Aunt Penny's going to have a baby?" Linda, peeping around the door, said.

"Yes," Janice said, "Aunt Penny is going to have a baby. She just found out. Why don't we give Aunt Penny some privacy?"

"Is she going to have it now?" Linda asked.

"No," Janice said, "Aunt Penny is being sick. She'll be all right."

Everyone but Leonard went back to the den.

"Sweetheart, I'm coming in," Leonard said. He stood next to Penny, who was now sitting on the bathtub rim. "What can I do?"

"Can you get me something to tie my hair back?" Penny said.

Leonard went out and picked up several strands of ribbon from the pile of paper where the children had unwrapped their presents and brought them back to Penny.

Penny put her hair into a ponytail and continued being sick on and off for another half hour.

"Paul," Janice said. "What do you have for nausea?"

Paul went into the bedroom and came back out with his medical bag. "Jackpot!" he said. "I have this. It will stop the nausea, and it's safe if you don't go overboard." He handed Janice the pill bottle.

Janice went into the bathroom and sat next to Penny on the bathtub rim. She poured Penny some ginger ale from a two-liter bottle and handed her some crackers. She said, "Penny, we'll try to get you through this without your having to take medication, but we have these in case we can't stop the vomiting," showing her the pill bottle. "If we have to resort to the pills, they will be safer than letting you dehydrate. We wouldn't give you anything that would hurt the baby, but we try not to give you any medications you don't absolutely need. You need to drink as much as you can when you're not being sick."

A few minutes later, Penny sat on the side of the bathtub slowly dissolving the crackers on her tongue.

"How are you doing?" Janice asked.

"I'm still nauseated, but I think I'm over the worst," Penny said. "I don't feel as if I'm going to vomit."

Janice said, "Paul has enough medication on him to get you through the rest of the day and through lunch time tomorrow if you need it, but he's going to call you in a prescription to the pharmacy across the highway, and we'll get Leonard to go get it. He'll prescribe you enough to cover you until you can get to your OBGYN in California. The pharmacy's phone message said they will be open from 1:00 to 5:00, it being Christmas Day. We'll only have you take them when things like ginger ale and crackers don't work."

"I'm so sorry I ruined Christmas," Penny said as she sat back on the sofa in the living room. Molly ran to Penny and climbed up into her lap. She grabbed a handful of Penny's hair.

"Penny," Janice said, "You didn't ruin anything. You're going to have a baby! My first niece or nephew! And we found out on Christmas! That is the best Christmas present ever!" She went over and hugged Penny.

"Why is Aunt Penny crying?" Linda asked, standing in front of Penny, about to cry herself.

"I'm sorry, sweetie," Penny said, leaning over and squeezing Linda. "I didn't mean to upset you. I'm going to have a baby, and I am so happy. Sometimes adults cry when we're happy."

"Aunt Penny, will you still love Molly and Mitchell and me when your baby comes?" Linda asked.

"Oh, sweetie, I'll always love you, Molly, and Mitchell," Penny said. "Nothing could ever make me stop loving you. Did you know that being around you, Molly, and Mitchell made me want Uncle Leonard and me to have our own baby? Sweetie, Uncle Leonard and I will love all of you forever. I promise."

"Linda," Leonard said, "All Aunt Penny could talk about that first night she and I were here last year in the snow was you, Molly, and Mitchell. I already loved you guys, but, when Penny met you for the first time, she fell in love with you too. You guys are a big reason we want to have a baby so we can have someone to love the way we love you. We will always love you guys."

Leonard sat holding Penny's hand. He pulled it to his lips and kissed it. He said, "By my calculations, Penny has to be less than a month along. I didn't think morning sickness happened that early."

"It does for some women," Paul said. "It could just be a coincidence, a combination of the flight and maybe something she ate, or it may be a 24-hour bug, but, if it's morning sickness and not some stomach bug, most women get over it by the end of the first trimester."

After lunch, Penny looked at the clock and called her father and then Bernadette while Leonard called Raj, who was planning to spend lunch and dinner with Howard and Bernadette. Penny had to leave her mother a voicemail to return her call. They Skyped with Sheldon and Amy, who had gone to Texas to spend Christmas with Sheldon's family. Amy said they were returning to Pasadena the same day Leonard and Penny were returning, a couple of hours earlier. Leonard called his mother and had to leave a voicemail for her to call him for some exciting news.

Penny went back into the toilet and retested using the remaining test stick. "It's positive," she said, showing it to Paul.

"Congratulations," Paul said. "I would say that's about as certain as you can be that you're pregnant."


	2. Chapter 02: The Hofstadter Realization

**Chapter 02 The Hofstadter Realization **

Scene 1 Pregnancy Test Repris

Penny looked at the second pregnancy test with the plus sign. "Paul, how certain can I be that I'm actually pregnant?" she asked.

"Pretty certain," Paul said. Of course, a blood test is still the gold standard, but the type of test that you used, especially since my wife looked over your shoulder and verified that you took the test correctly, is the next best thing, about 95 to 99 percent accurate. You'll still want to visit a doctor as soon as you can for the blood test to be 100 percent sure, but I think you can go ahead and start looking for baby furniture. Come to think of it, my partner, Dr. Ravichander, is Hindu, so he and his nurse, who is also Hindu, volunteered to open the office tomorrow for limited appointments so the partners who celebrate Christmas could have off. Why don't we head over there first thing in the morning before Molly's party and do a blood draw so you can be 100 percent sure?"

"That sounds great," Penny said.

Thump!

"Oh, my God! Leonard!" Penny said. She knelt next to Leonard.

Paul knelt next to Leonard as well. He lightly tapped him on the side of his face. "Leonard!" he said. "Come on, buddy: You're all right."

"What happened?" Leonard asked, his speech slurred.

"You fainted," Paul said.

"Are you sure?" Leonard said.

"Oh, yeah," Paul laughed. "You held it together as long as you could, huh?"

Leonard raised himself to a sitting position.

"Sweetie, it's OK. We're going to have a baby," Penny said.

Thump!

"There he goes again," Paul said.

Penny sat with Leonard's head in her lap singing "Soft Kitty."

"What's happening?" Mitchell asked, peeping through the doorway.

"Uncle Leonard just realized that he and Aunt Penny are going to have a baby," Paul said.

"I knew that, and I didn't fall in the floor," Mitchell said.

Scene 2 Molly's Birthday Party

Leonard smiled as he watched Penny surrounded by two- and three-year-olds eating birthday cake. She and the parents tried to get them to sing "Happy Birthday" to Molly.

"This is so bad it's hilarious," Leonard whispered to Paul. "Penny seems to be having a ball."

"She is in her element, isn't she?" Paul asked.

"I think she's a natural," Leonard said. "I want a copy of the video you're making."

Penny came over holding a little African-American girl with beads in her hair. "I want to take this sweetie pie home," she told Leonard.

"Aunt Penny's pretty," the little girl said.

"Yes, she is," Leonard said, tickling the girl. "So are you." He looked at Penny and said, "You have frosting all in your hair."

"I know. Isn't it great?" Penny said.

"Penny, you're the hit of the party," Janice said.

"This is the most fun I've had in a very long time. I love these little sweeties," Penny said. "Paul, thank you again for taking Leonard and me to your office this morning and drawing my blood."

"It was my pleasure," Paul said. "I have a vested interest in making sure I'm going to be an uncle."

"By the way, I'm sorry about throwing up in your car," Penny said.

"You did it into a McDonald's bag," Paul said. "The smell will go away before the smell of the sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit."

"That episode was what pushed me over the edge to go ahead and take the medication," Penny said.

"I'm glad you did," Janice said. "I was afraid you were going to dehydrate, and that could have precipitated a chain of events that could have caused a miscarriage. I think you did the right thing. You hadn't kept anything down in at least three days. You seem a lot better."

"I'm still a little nauseated, but I'm keeping down what I eat and drink," Penny said.

"Paul, Janice, I really like how you separated Molly's birthday from Christmas. It has to be a drag having a birthday on December 26," Leonard said.

"My dad's birthday was Christmas Eve," Paul said. "He always said how he felt cheated every year. We wanted to make sure that doesn't happen with Molly."

"Well, you've succeeded," Leonard said.

Just then, Paul's phone rang. "Penny," he said, "It's the lab. [Pause] Yes? This is he. [Pause] Great. Thanks." He pressed End Call. "Well, he said, congratulations. It's official. The blood test confirmed it. You're pregnant."

Thump!

"Here we go again," Janice said.

"What's the matter with the man with Aunt Penny?" Molly's friend Jeffey asked.

"He just had some exciting news," Janice said. "Aunt Penny is going to have a baby."

"My mommy had a baby," Jeffey said. "My daddy didn't fall in the floor."

Leonard said, "I think I need to go lie down for a bit. I think the time zone change is getting to me."

Scene 3 Leonard and the Guys

Leonard gradually woke. "What in the world?" He felt in the bed and found about 20 stuffed bears, puppies, kittens, and even one giraffe piled up next to him.

"Hi, sweetie," Penny said from the door. "Who are your friends?"

"I have no idea," Leonard said.

"Molly thought you needed some company," Penny said. "She was quite the busy little bee bringing in her stuffed animals to keep you company while you napped. She calls them the Guys."

"Uncle Leonard!" Molly said as she ran into the room with an armful of stuffed animals and jumped on the bed. "I love you!" She hugged Leonard and snuggled in next to him.

"I love you too, Molly," Leonard said, pulling her near him. "I wish I could take you back to California with me. Why aren't you with your friends?"

"The party was over about 45 minutes ago," Penny said. "You've been asleep for over an hour."

"Aunt Penny is going to have a baby," Molly said. "I want to play with her."

"You know what?" Leonard said, "Our baby is going to have a wonderful big cousin Molly to play with who can teach her all sorts of neat things. How do you know the baby's going to be a girl?"

"I made a wish," Molly said. "I wished for Aunt Penny to have a girl. Wishes come true on your birthday."

"What if we have a boy?" Leonard asked.

"No, I wished for a girl," Molly said. "Aunt Penny, come snuggle with Uncle Leonard and me."

"You bet, sweetie," Penny said. She kicked off her shoes and crawled onto the bed with Molly between her and Leonard.

Molly smiled as she looked from Leonard to Penny. "I love Aunt Penny and Uncle Leonard," she said.

Leonard squeezed Molly, kissed her on the forehead, and said, "Uncle Leonard and Aunt Penny love you too."


	3. Chapter 03: The Pasadena Speculation

**The Pasadena Speculation **

Chapter 3 The Pasadena Speculation

Scene 1 Post-Christmas in Pasadena

"Look," Penny said, as Wyatt pulled Patti's car into their driveway. "Howard and Raj's cars are right behind us."

"I called Bernadette when your plane landed," Patti said. "They said they would meet us here with takeout from the Cheesecake Factory to celebrate your pregnancy and have a belated Christmas celebration. I tried to get Alex to come, but she said she didn't want to intrude."

"I'm need to talk to Alex again," Penny said. "I would really like for her to become a part of our group."

Bernadette ran up to hug Penny as she was getting out of the car, "You look wonderful. Pregnancy agrees with you."

"So, Leonard, did you faint when you heard you were going to be a daddy?" Howard asked.

"Not when I heard," Leonard said. "I held it together about an hour. It's scary knowing I'm going to be responsible for a human life. Do you remember what happened with my goldfish?"

"You'll be great," Bernadette said.

An hour later, Howard walked into the kitchen to get another glass of Yoo-Hoo. He turned around and nearly ran into Bernadette.

"How are you dealing with Leonard and Penny expecting?" Bernadette asked.

"I'm thrilled for them," Howard said. "They're going to be tremendous parents."

"But aren't you a little sad it's not us?" Bernadette asked.

Howard was quiet for a moment and then said, "Bernadette, you've been really clear that you don't want children. I'm doing my best to come to grips with that. I wouldn't take anything away from Leonard and Penny. I love them, and I want them to be happy."

"You usually call me Bernie. You only call me Bernadette when you're angry with me," Bernadette said.

"Don't over-interpret," Howard said.

Bernadette hung her head and asked, "Are you going to leave me for someone who would be willing to give you children?"

"Bernadette," Howard said, "I love you."

"You didn't answer my question," Bernadette said.

"We need to talk about this another time," Howard said. He turned and walked back into the den with the others.

Back in the den, Amy said, "Sheldon, these burgers are so big, I can't eat a whole one. Why don't we share? Leonard and Penny are sharing. Don't you think that's romantic?"

Sheldon said, "No, Leonard and Penny are not exactly sharing. Penny ate an entire burger and half of Leonard's and most of his fries. And it's not romantic, it's disgusting."

"Hey, nosy, I'm eating for two," Penny said. "I haven't kept down much in the last few days."

"Well, I saw pictures of your mother before she had the gastric bypass," Sheldon said. "Keep going. I give you a year. That reminds me." He opened his messenger bag and brought out a thick bound document.

"You've written a screenplay?" Penny asked.

"Ha, ha," Sheldon said. "Actually, I have taken the liberty of writing out a Pregnancy Agreement outlining your and Leonard's responsibilities to me during your pregnancy. I have sketched out some thoughts about the Newborn Baby Agreement and will have that document as soon as the baby comes."

"Pregnancy Agreement?" Penny asked.

Sheldon said, "Provisions such as that you will not vomit in my presence, you will not eat up my food, your cravings will not be my problem, you will not regale me with tales of how your body's changing, your urge to urinate every five minutes will not restrict my access to the toilet, your hot flashes won't drive you to turn down my thermostat. You know, the usual."

"He stayed up all night last night working on it," Amy said. "We were almost late for the plane to return here from Texas. I told him it's out of line, but he said you have to nip these things in the bud."

"Sheldon, you remember that I can hogtie and castrate you in less than 60 seconds, right?" Penny said, getting up out of her chair and starting toward the kitchen. "Where's the butcher knife?"

"Sweetheart, I don't think we need to go that far," Leonard said.

"Yeah, sweetheart, let's not," Sheldon said, backing out of the room with his hands over his crotch.

"Well, we're not signing a Pregnancy Agreement or any other kind of agreement," Penny said, coming back into the den. "If my being pregnant makes you uncomfortable, you can stay away from me. Why don't we go back over to the apartment so I can throw the agreement—and you with it—down the elevator shaft?"

"You don't have to get snippy," Sheldon said.

"Sheldon," Amy said. "Why don't we go for a walk? I'll show you the stables."

"Yeah, why don't you go to the stall with the big black horse and go in and try to put a saddle on him?" Penny said. "Show him the Pregnancy Agreement. Make sure you stand behind him when you do."

"I don't like horses," Sheldon said.

"You're from Texas, for Pete's sake," Penny said. "What do you mean you don't like horses?"

"Maybe we need to table the discussion for now, since you're obviously in a hormone-induced rage," Sheldon said.

Amy pulled Sheldon out of the room by the hand. "I'll talk to him," she said. "I brought some Long Island Ice Tea. I'll see to it that he has some."

Penny said after Sheldon, "I'm going to hold off barfing until you come back and then spew it all over you!"

Penny walked into the kitchen to refill her glass with ginger ale.

"Bernadette!" she said, seeing Bernadette sitting in the corner. "What's wrong? You've been crying."

"Howard's going to leave me," Bernadette said. "He wants children, and I don't."

Penny walked over and held Bernadette. "It's going to be all right," she said. "Howard loves you."

"I don't know," Bernadette said. "My parents wanted me to be a nun, and I disappointed them and decided I wanted to get married. I have always said I didn't want children, and my parents, my priest, and all my relatives are telling me that's selfish. Maybe I should just go ahead and give Howard a baby."

"Bernadette," Penny said, "I've had friends and relatives who wanted their children and others who had them but didn't want them. Believe me, there is very little you can do to a child that's worse than to bring one into this world you don't want. Leonard and I want this child I'm carrying more than anything. We're going to love this child and tell him every day how proud we are of him and how much we love him-or her. When we were in Boston with Leonard's family, Molly, who turned three the day after Christmas, crawled up in the bed with Leonard and told him she loved him. He had this look of total adoration on his face when he told her he loved her too. He was so precious with her. I know he is going to love this child with his entire being, just as he loves Molly, Linda, and Mitchell. I don't doubt it for a moment. You have to have that kind of love in you to bring a child in the world. If you don't, you're just setting yourself and the child up for heartache."

"I guess," Bernadette said. "I know I'll love your and Leonard's child, I'm just not sure about having one of my own."

"Look," Penny said. "Maybe Howard is having baby fever because Leonard and I are expecting. If I know Howard, everything will be all right."

Two hours later, after everyone had left, Penny snuggled up to Leonard on the sofa. "Thank you for my Christmas presents," she said. "The earrings and necklace that you gave me on Christmas Day while we were in Boston were more than enough by themselves. I never expected that you would get both of us mountain bikes. I'll have to take you out tomorrow and show you how to ride."

"Of course, I bought the mountain bikes before I knew you were pregnant. I thought you might want to go biking. I just want to make every day special," Leonard said, putting his hand over Penny's belly. "Now we're going to have this precious baby. I can't believe it. A year ago, I was worried that you were going to leave me. Since then, we've become engaged, then married, and now you're expecting our baby. I've never been so happy. I love you."

"Leonard," Penny said, "I love you too. And I love this little being inside me. I know you are going to love this child and be there for her and me. You're going to be the best daddy. I spend a lot of time fantasizing about how great you're going to be with our child. I can see you with her the way you were with Linda, Molly, and Mitchell."

"I already love the baby," Leonard said.

"You know," Penny said, "I promised you something extra special in your Christmas stocking. Why don't we go into the bedroom. I want to do stuff to you."

Leonard and Penny fell asleep that night in their usual position holding each other.

Scene 2 Wedding Rehearsal

Wyatt stood before the chaplain looking at Amy at the Caltech chapel.

"I will say, 'And do you, Wyatt, take Patricia to be your lawfully wedded wife?'" the chaplain said.

"You know," Patti, sitting in the third pew, said to Raj, "I appreciate Amy standing in for me, but I don't care if it's bad luck for the bride to rehearse. It would be nice to go through the ceremony at least once."

"And I would say that now, by the power vested in me by the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America and the State of California, I pronounce Wyatt and Patricia husband and wife," the chaplain said. "And I would tell Wyatt that you may now kiss your bride."

"Excuse me," Penny said, handing her prop bouquet to Amy and running through the door to the restroom.

Leonard followed her, followed by Patti. He halted at the women's restroom door.

"Could you go check on her?" Leonard asked Patti.

Patti followed Penny into the restroom. There was a stool in the corner, next to the sink. Patti pulled it up into the stall for Penny.

"I hope this doesn't happen during the wedding," Penny said. "I'm going to be the lousiest matron of honor in history."

Patti said, "Leonard said you have medication to help the nausea. Have you tried any yet?"

Penny said, "Yes, but I did a bad thing. The prescription says to take it every six hours, but I've tried to go eight to 12 hours. I don't want to hurt the baby by taking medication, but I guess I really need to take it every six hours as Paul prescribed. Leonard's sister and her husband are both doctors, and both of them assure me it won't hurt the baby the way it's prescribed. Maybe I need to take some now as soon as this has passed and start taking it every six hours, At least, I didn't vomit this time. I seem to have a fondness for vomiting in moving cars, though."

"Are you going to be able to make the rehearsal dinner?" Patti asked.

"Oh, yes," Penny said. "I wouldn't miss it. It's funny that, even though I'm nauseated, I'm ravenous. I never thought you could be nauseated and hungry at the same time."

Patti poked her head out the restroom door. "Leonard," she said, "It's just Penny and me in here. Why don't you come on in?"

Leonard came in, looking around nervously. "You know, Penny," he said, "this is still forbidden territory, even though it's just you, Patti, and me. Why don't I go get some crackers from your pocketbook?"

"I have some here in my pocket," Penny said. "And, Leonard, again, I'm sorry about your car."

"Sweetheart, it's all right," Leonard said. "It's my fault. I should have thought to carry a plastic bag or a bucket or something. We got most of it up, and I'll take the car and have the inside detailed on Monday. I just don't think I can have ravioli again for a while after seeing it all over the upholstery like that."

Penny got up and splashed water in her face. "Oh, no," she said. "I look hideous. Look at the dark circles under my eyes. I look as if I've been on a starvation diet. There's not enough concealer in the world to cover up these shiners."

"Well, in a way, you have been on a starvation diet," Leonard said. "You haven't kept down much in almost a week. But you're beautiful."

"I look like the Crypt Keeper," Penny said. "Leonard, I'm sorry I'm being stubborn about the medication. It's hard to explain. I already love our baby, and I don't want to do anything to harm it. But what Paul and Janice said makes sense: If I keep throwing up, I'm probably endangering the baby. I'll do better about taking the medication."

An hour later, as the wedding party was at the Italian Garden waiting on their meals, Penny said, "Here goes." She took one of the pills Paul had prescribed for her with a glass of ginger ale. Bernadette was sitting next to her. Penny said, "I talked to my doctor here in Pasadena on the phone today. She said she would have prescribed the same thing and that I should really think about taking it every six hours. If I get dehydrated, that could eventually make me get sick and lose the baby."

"Penny," Bernadette whispered when Howard left to make sure he had locked the car, "I hate to bother you at a time like this, but do you think my not wanting children is unfair to Howard?"

"Bernadette," Penny said, "You told Howard up-front that you didn't want children, and he married you. It would be a little late for him to get upset about it now."

"I just don't know if I'm doing the right thing," Bernadette said.

Penny said, "Do you ever think you might change your mind?"

Bernadette said, "After we heard the good news about you and Leonard, and we saw how happy both of you are, I have to confess I had second thoughts—until I saw how sick you are."

"Don't worry about the nausea," Penny said. "I don't know if it's true or just an old wives' tale, but I always heard that morning sickness—no matter what time of the day it happens—is from the body giving the baby first dibs on any nourishment. If that's what's happening, more power to him or her. I'm glad to be able to do that for for the baby. You know," Penny said louder, to everyone, "Leonard and I really need to come up with a working name for the baby so we don't have to keep saying 'him or her' or call the baby _It_."

"Why don't you come up with a name you would never call the baby?" Patti said.

"Well, Sheldon's taken," Penny said.

"How about Tralfaz?" Sheldon said.

"Tralfaz? Yuck!" Penny said. "Where did you come up with that?"

Sheldon said, "On the Jetsons, they found out that their dog Astro really belonged to someone else, and his old name was Tralfaz. The running joke throughout the episode was that, every time someone said Tralfaz, Astro would say, 'Ralfaz, ruk!'"

"How about Lewis, for Lewis Black?" Penny said. "I don't think we're going to call the baby Lewis."

"Lewis or Louise?" Leonard said. "Molly wished for a girl. Is there any chance we'll name the baby Louise?"

"I don't think so," Penny said. "I would like to be traditional and name the baby after someone we love. I already have some ideas, and Lewis and Louise aren't among them."

They talked about it for a bit and decided to call the baby Lewis or Louise, depending on whether they were in a male or female baby mood.

Patti said, "Everyone, I want to say something. I am so happy that I'm not just marrying the love of my life, I am getting so much more. During the last 10 months, I didn't just meet and fall in love with Wyatt, I've become dear friends with his daughter Penny and all of her friends. I was there when Penny became engaged to her dear Leonard and was with Wyatt when Penny called to tell her dad that she and Leonard were getting married and got to be there by iPad for the sweetest, geekiest wedding I've ever attended. Now, we've had the good news that Leonard and Penny are expecting a baby. I got to be there as a member of the family and family spokesperson to the media when we nearly lost Leonard, and I got to watch as he recovered and became stronger than ever. Penny and I nearly died together. I've become a member of a special group of family and friends, who have opened their hearts to me. [Voice breaking up] If all of that was not enough, Penny insisted on buying the wedding dress of my dreams. I just want to say that I am so glad to be a part of this family, this group of friends. Thank you." Penny stood and embraced her future stepmother.

Just then, Penny's phone made the incoming text sound. "It's Jason," she said. "He's parking the car." I'll go.

"I'll go, sweetheart," Wyatt said. "You've been having a rough time of it." Wyatt walked out to the entrance.

A couple of minutes later, Wyatt returned with a male version of Penny and a younger woman who looked like Penny the first time Leonard met her. "Everyone, he said, this is Penny's brother Jason and their sister Gina."

Jason and Gina said their greetings. Jason came over and wrapped Penny in a big hug. "Sis," he said, "Congratulations. I'm so happy for you. You changed your hair. You look hot. And you," grabbing Sheldon, "must be Leonard."

"I love you," Sheldon said, finishing his fourth Long Island Ice Tea.

"I'm Leonard," Leonard said.

"Really?" Jason said. "Hello, brother-in-law." He hugged Leonard. "So you're the man who knocked-up my big sister?"

"Yep," Leonard said.

Gina hugged Penny. "You are so beautiful!" she said. "I really like the way you've done your makeup."

"I can teach you," Penny said.

The waiter came over and took Jason and Gina's orders as everyone else's food began to arrive.

"Jason, you're later than I thought," Wyatt said.

"I know," Jason said. "We got off half a day later than I expected. My probation officer wasn't going to let me come, but Mom went to see him. I don't know what she said, but he was really eager to let me come after he talked to her."

"Knowing Mom," Gina said, "the mind boggles what she promised him."

"Your mom's back in Omaha?" Wyatt asked.

"Yeah, she blew in last week," Jason said.

Scene 3 Bachelor and Bachelorette Parties

After the rehearsal dinner, the men adjourned to Wyatt's house, and the women adjourned to Leonard and Penny's house for the bachelor and bachelorette parties.

At Wyatt's party, which took place in the man cave Wyatt had constructed in his basement, Raj sat looking dejected. Leonard came over and handed him his phone. Penny was on the other end and told Raj that the women had some questions about the arrangements for the wedding. Raj brightened and said he would be there in a couple of minutes. He took the well-worn stone path to Leonard and Penny's home.

The women and Raj watched _Magic Mike_ and _Road House,_ while the men watched_ Iron Man 1 and 2_. Penny had wine for the women and Raj but stuck to ginger ale herself, while Leonard had beer for the guys, except for Sheldon, who drank Long Island Ice Tea.

"I love you guys," Sheldon said. "You're my buddy, buddy, buddies."

"You know," Howard said, "It's traditional for the bachelor party to have strippers."

"Wyatt just wanted a low-key get-together," Leonard said, "but, if you want to strip, I have some ones I can tuck into your undies."

"Guys," Wyatt said, "I've been married before. I almost didn't make my first wedding because I almost didn't make bail in time after my first bachelor party. I swore then than that my hard partying days were over. I was blind for three days. I almost kissed the minister when he told me to kiss my bride. The wedding is a blur of vague images and a headache that left me praying to die."

"You were arrested after your bachelor party?" Leonard said.

"During. Remember," Wyatt said, "I was a musician. My fellow musicians did a number of things that will get you the death penalty in some parts of the world. You've seen the _Hangover_ movies? Those guys were wimps compared to us."

Penny re-introduced Gina to all of her friends. Gina said how exciting it must be for Patti to work in law enforcement.

Patti said, "Actually, I haven't said anything until now because I wanted Penny's good news to get the attention it deserves, but, when I return from my honeymoon, I'm changing jobs. I am going to be the CAP director."

"What's CAP?" Penny asked.

"That's the Children's Advocacy Program," Patti said. "I'll maintain my police rank, but my job will be to work on behalf of children who have been victims of crime, either directly or indirectly, such as children who have been physically or sexually abused or who have had a close relative who was the victim of crime. I'm excited: That has been where my heart has been since I got into police work."

"You are going to be super," Penny said, hugging Patti.

"Not to mention that I won't have to worry about whether I'll come home at the end of my shift. I'll have more regular hours, so Wyatt and I can plan our time together better, especially if we decide to have a family."

Penny sprayed her ginger ale all over Patti. "I'm sorry," she said, drying Patti with her napkin. "I hadn't thought about that. You are slightly younger than Leonard. Have you and Daddy talked about it?"

"Yeah," Patti said, wiping ginger ale out of her eyes. "We've talked a lot about it, especially now since you're expecting."

"You will make a tremendous mom," Penny said.

"I've always wanted a family," Patti said. "I love you to pieces, Penny, but having a 28-year-old stepdaughter isn't the same thing as having a baby to raise."

"You could help clean up when I puke," Penny said.

"No," Patti said. "I already helped Leonard when you blew the groceries in his car. If I'm going to clean up puke and dirty diapers, I think I would like for them to be from my child. What's wrong Raj? You look as if you're about to toss your cookies."

"I think I'm having an estrogen reaction," Raj said.

"You mean you and Patti are talking about having children?" Leonard asked Wyatt at that moment.

"Yep," Wyatt said. "We've talked about it even before we became engaged. Remember, Patti is only a couple of months younger than you are. If she is going to have children, now is the time. I just turned 47, so I'm still young enough."

"She's going to have three stepchildren," Leonard said.

"Can you imagine Patti taking Penny, Jason, and Gina to the park?" Howard said. "Kissing their boo-boos and wiping their runny noses?"

"She already helped me clean up where Penny barfed in my car," Leonard said.

Amy came into Wyatt's basement man cave as the guys were preparing to go home. "Sheldon," she said, "I told Rajesh I would take you home."

"I love you, Amy," Sheldon said. "I love you Wyatt, I love you, Leonard. I love you guys."

"Whoa there, cowboy," Wyatt said, grabbing Sheldon before he fell. "I think I need to help Amy take you to the car."

"Did I tell you I love you, Wyatt?" Sheldon said.

"How much did he have to drink?" Amy asked.

"He had three glasses of the ice tea you brought," Wyatt said.

"That was Long Island Ice Tea, and he had already had four at the restaurant," Amy said.

"No wonder he was so pleasant," Wyatt said as he helped pour Sheldon into Amy's car.


	4. Chapter 04: Dreamus Interruptus

**Dreamus Interruptus **

Chapter 4 Dreamus Interruptus

Scene 1 Cravings

Leonard looked out above the forest from Looking Glass Knob off the Blue Ridge Parkway near Asheville, North Carolina. His legs ached from the four-mile uphill hike, but he was in bliss sitting on the boulder holding Penny. They were watching a pair of hawks doing their aerial mating dance below them. Straight ahead, just beyond Graveyard Fields, was Shining Rock. Over to the left beyond the Pisgah Fish Hatchery and John Rock, was the Devil's Courthouse. He pulled Penny close and kissed her on the cheek. "I love you," he said as she snuggled closer to him. "The Cherokee consider this to be a holy place. I see why. I love sharing this experience with you."

Penny said, "Leonard, sweetie, I want watermelon. Leonard!" shaking him.

"Huh?" Leonard said, fighting to come awake. "What's wrong? I was having a beautiful dream. . . ."

"Leonard, I want watermelon," Penny said.

"You what?"

"I want watermelon. I tried not to wake you, but I've been lying here for the past half hour. I don't think I can go back to sleep until I have some watermelon."

"Sweetheart, it's what," looking at the clock, "3:18 in the morning. We don't have any watermelon. It's late December. Watermelon isn't in season."

"There's an all-night grocery on Colorado Boulevard. Please, please, please, please, please!"

"OK," Leonard said, struggling to get out of bed. He staggered over to the closet and pulled out a pair of jeans. "I assume you're coming with me?"

Penny said, "At nearly 3:30 in the morning? Are you nuts? No, I'm too tired. I think I'll stay here and keep the bed warm. I love you."

"Um hum, I love you too," Leonard said. "Is there anything else you want while I'm out?"

"No, sweetie, that will do it," Penny said, snuggling into Leonard's spot. "Ooh! Your place is nice and warm."

"How much watermelon do you want?" Leonard asked.

"A lot," Penny said.

Leonard took his smartpod from the bowl by the door. He was about a quarter of a mile past his driveway when his cell phone rang.

"Oh, hey, Wyatt," he said. "No, there's nothing wrong. Penny wants watermelon, and we don't have any. [Pause] No, she said it can't wait. She has to have some now. [Pause] No, I didn't want to bother you. [Pause] I'm going to the store on Colorado. [Pause] Sure. I'll let you know if there's a problem. [Pause] No, she stayed in bed: She said she was too tired to go. [Pause] OK, bye."

Twenty minutes later, Leonard was staring at the empty watermelon section on the produce display at the grocery store. He rolled his eyes and went back to the car.

Leonard hit the voice recognition button on his steering wheel. He said, "24-hour grocery stores."

"Here are the 24-hour grocery stores I found in your area," the car said, displaying a list of them on the screen.

Leonard selected the Walmart with a grocery section closest to his house.

Twenty minutes later, Leonard had two half sections of watermelons in his grocery cart as the 400-pound woman with two children in her cart next to him looked over the produce. Just before he made it to the checkout, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket.

"Hello, sweetheart," he said. "No, I'm playing Walmart Bingo. I can check off seeing a woman over 300 pounds and school-age children at 4:30 in the morning. I finally found some watermelon. Before I check out, is there anything else you want? [Pause] Onion rings. And brownies? Oh, not just any onion rings, onion rings from the Sugar-n-Spice? Are they open 24 hours? [Pause] OK, I'll check. How about the brownies? [Pause] Oh, dear. I was just there, and they didn't have any watermelon, so I came to Walmart. [Pause] OK, sweetheart. You don't have to cry. I'm going back and getting them. [Pause] Yes, they do make good brownies. [Pause] Yeah, I love you too."

Twenty-five minutes later, Leonard had a box of brownies and was nearly at the check-out when it occurred to him to call Penny again. "Hi, sweetheart. I have your brownies and am about to check out. I thought you would prefer it if I got the onion rings last thing so they would be hot. Before I leave the grocery store, is there anything else I need to get? [Pause] No, sweetheart, I'm not angry with you. [Pause] No, I think you're still beautiful-you're the most beautiful you've ever been. [Pause] No, I'm not going to leave you for someone who's more beautiful. I love you. [Pause] Sweetheart, I'll be back shortly, and I'll have your watermelon, your brownies, and your onion rings. I promise I love you, and I think you're the most beautiful human being I've ever seen. [Pause] Especially now. [Pause] OK, I'll see you in a bit."

"Pregnant wife having cravings?" the middle-aged man working the cash register said as Leonard went through check-out.

"You have no idea," Leonard said.

"Oh, yeah, I do," the man said. "We have four children. My wife had to have hotdogs with our first. Not just any hotdogs-the hotdogs from this cafe in Reseda. I had to camp out in their parking lot until they opened. The police kept bugging me. For some reason, she wanted pickled eggs with our youngest."

Leonard saw a light on in the kitchen as the garage door opened.

Patti and Penny were sitting at the kitchen table as Leonard came through the kitchen door.

"Gimme!" Penny said, grabbing the bags with the onion rings and the brownies and kissing Leonard on the cheek. "Where's the watermelon?"

"I have to make a second trip to the car," Leonard said. "Hi, Patti."

"Hi yourself," Patti said, grinning. "Thank you and Penny for letting me crash here tonight, since Wyatt and I thought it more traditional not to see each other until the wedding."

"Jason and Gina are keeping Daddy good company, I'm sure," Penny said.

Leonard asked, "You aren't having cravings too, are you?"

"No," Patti said. "I heard Penny mousing around in here, so I thought I would come check on her. We've been sitting here having a nice chat. I was so excited about the wedding I wasn't sleeping anyway. You're a good husband, Leonard."

"You're the best husband," Penny said, hugging Leonard. "What's the timetable on that watermelon?"

"OK," Leonard said. He went back out the car and brought in the two large watermelon halves.

"Can you cut it up for me?" Penny said. "Please?"

"Sure," Leonard said. He took an ice cream scoop from the drawer and began scooping out sections of the watermelon and putting them into a bowl.

"Can you make the pieces smaller?" Penny said after he had finished.

"Of course," Leonard said.

"I love you," Penny said.

"I love you too," Leonard said. "I'm just curious. It's 6:15 in the morning. Why did you put on full makeup? The red lipstick's a nice touch. It looks great with my Stargate Universe T-shirt and the flip-flops."

"I wanted to be pretty for you." Penny started crying. "I'm being a demanding bitch, huh? An ugly one."

"Sweetheart," Leonard said, holding Penny. "You're not being a bitch at all. The baby is making you want things, and I'm here for you and her. And you're not ugly. You're absolutely beautiful: You're more beautiful than ever."

Penny sobbed onto Leonard's shoulder. "I don't deserve you," she said. "How are you coming cutting up the watermelon?"

"There you go," Leonard said, a few minutes later, presenting Penny the bowl of watermelon.

"Can you take out the seeds?" Penny said, poking out her bottom lip.

"Sure," Leonard said. He looked over at Patti, who was grinning at him. "What?"

"You're a good man, Dr. Hofstadter," Patti said. "If I wasn't marrying Wyatt in less than nine hours, and you weren't married to my soon-to-be daughter, I would come after you myself. I'll remember this when I'm having my own cravings." She hugged Leonard and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll leave you two to your snack." She went back to her bedroom.

Penny sat alternating eating brownies, onion rings, and watermelon. "Oh, this is so great!" she said, sandwiching an onion ring and a piece of watermelon between two brownies.

"I didn't know how many onion rings you wanted, so I got you two large orders," Leonard said.

Penny started crying again. "You're too good for me," she sobbed into her hands.

Leonard sat next to her. He put his arm around her shoulders and said, "Sweetheart, you're all right. I love you with all of my heart. I'm the one who doesn't deserve you."

Scene 2 Shamy

Sheldon gradually became aware of his pounding head as he came to. His dog Pavlov lay next to him on the bed. Sheldon ran his tongue over his cotton mouth. "Pavlov," he said, "Mom will swat you with her Bible if she finds you in the bed." He reached to scratch Pavlov's ears. He said, "I love you, Pavlov. You're my only friend."

"What are you doing? Who's Pavlov?" Amy said.

Sheldon startled awake. "Where am I?" he asked. "Amy, Why are you lying next to me?"

"Yeah, about that," Amy said. "Do you remember what happened last night?"

"I remember Penny hugging me, and she had a beard," Sheldon said.

"That was her brother Jason," Amy said. "He thought you were Leonard. That was at the restaurant. Do you remember coming back here to my apartment?"

"I remember something about a cave," Sheldon said.

"You were with the guys at Wyatt's man cave," Amy said. "Do you remember my driving you home?"

"No," Sheldon said.

"I asked you if you thought we would ever move our relationship to a physical level," Amy said. "You said, 'Why not?' Do you remember that?"

"No, and I don't think I like where this is going," Sheldon said.

"I suggested we come back here to my apartment, and you said that was great," Amy said. "I suggested that we adjourn to the bedroom, and you said fine, that you love me."

"I said I love you?" Sheldon said.

"You did. Do you remember what happened next?" Amy asked.

"No."

"I came to bed. I even put on makeup from the Penny collection: Red lipstick, mascara, the works. You were sound asleep. I tried to wake you, but you wouldn't wake," Amy said.

"Did we-you know?" Sheldon said.

"No," Amy said. "I tried on and off all night, but the most I could get from you was just now when you scratched my ears and called me Pavlov."

"I loved Pavlov," Sheldon said. "He was a good dog. He was my only friend."

Amy said, "I put your hands over my breasts, and you held them most of the night."

"I'm not sure what to do now," Sheldon said.

"Sheldon, why don't we consummate our physical relationship?" Amy said.

"Ew!" Sheldon said. "I don't see the appeal of the sticky, sweaty act of coitus."

"What if I do this," Amy said.

Sheldon jumped. "What are you doing?" he said.

"Just trying to move things along," Amy said.

Sheldon bolted upright in the bed with the blanket over him.

"What happened to my clothes?" he asked.

"I undressed you and got you ready for bed," Amy said. "Those are my sleep pants you're wearing."

"I need my clothes," Sheldon said.

"Not until we get some things straight," Amy said. "I wish I had taken the rest of your clothes."

Sheldon got up out of bed. He found Amy's ratty old bathrobe. He put it on and said, "I'm going to go catch a bus. Drat! I need my money."

"Wait," Amy said. "Your pants and shirt are hanging on the back of the bathroom door. Your shoes and socks are there too.

Sheldon silently dressed and left.

Scene 3 Wyatt

Wyatt smiled as he looked at Patti, who was standing next to him in the beautiful wedding dress he had not seen before. On the other side of her, Penny stood wearing her matron of honor dress and holding a flower bouquet. Leonard, who stood next to him, handed him Patti's ring. He put it on her finger.

"Now place the ring on Patricia's finger and say, 'With this ring, I wed you,'" the minister said.

Wyatt placed the ring on Patti's finger and said, "With this ring, I wed you."

"Hey, Daddy, you're still asleep," Gina said, poking her head through the bedroom door. "Come on. Shake a stick. We have to go. You and Jason have to get ready to go to the bachelor's breakfast, and I have to go over and join Penny and Patti to leave for the bride's breakfast.

"Oh, all right," Wyatt said. "I never oversleep. I guess I should have set an alarm clock."

Wyatt picked up his cell phone and tapped Patti's icon. "Good morning, my bride," he said. "You didn't get cold feet and take off to Mexico overnight, did you?" [Pause] Oh, good. How did things go with Penny's craving for watermelon last night? [Pause] Really? Watermelon, brownies, and onion rings? You guys should have called me. I could have brought some homemade wine for us and homemade grape juice for Penny. [Pause] Yes, Leonard is a good guy. I'm so glad to have him as a son-in-law. [Pause] All right. Have a nice breakfast. I guess I'll see you at 3:00. Does your dad need me to pick up your sister at the airport? [Pause] OK. I love you."

Scene 4 Raj

Alex cuddled next to Raj as the train crossed over a river.

You are so beautiful, Raj said. "I'm glad you took my advice and went with the winter palette for your makeup. You will fit in well here in India with the makeup from the Penny Collection. I will do your eyes as soon as we stop moving."

"Your parents are going to love me," Alex said. "I know they wanted you to marry an Indian girl, but I have every confidence that, once they meet me, they'll come around."

"My sister Priya said she has been working on them for me," Raj said. "By the time we get there in a couple of hours, she'll have them all primed with stories about all of your accomplishments. My parents will put a lot of stock in your work with the Cern super collider."

"Well, I love you," Alex said. "I want your parents to love me, but, even if they don't, that will never change how much I love you, how committed to you I am."

Raj squeezed Alex again and kissed her.

"I'm so glad you are able to talk to me without alcohol," Alex said.

Just then, Raj's cell phone rang.

"Why is my cell phone ringing in India?" Raj said. "I don't have an international calling plan. Hello?"

"Raj," Howard said, "I will be there in 10 minutes to take you to Wyatt's bachelor breakfast."

Raj looked at his pillow, which he had been cuddling.

"Oh, all right," he said. "I overslept. I was dreaming. Maybe you should go pick up Sheldon first."

"Sheldon called me from the McDonald's near Amy's apartment," Howard said. "Apparently, they had a fight of some sort. It will work out better if I come by for you first. I'll wait on you if I need to."

"All right," Raj said. "I need to exfoliate and go through my moisturizer routine. As soon as I do that and put on some sunscreen, I'll be ready to go."

Scene 5 Breakfast

Howard, Raj, and Sheldon walked into the Pasadena IHOP and spotted Leonard, Wyatt, and Jason. They were sitting with an unfamiliar man.

"Guys, this is Patti's father Colonel Patrick Davis of the Los Angeles Public Safety Division," Wyatt said. He introduced each of the guys.

Leonard said, "I went ahead and ordered coffee for us, but we waited on you guys to put in our breakfast order. I needed coffee.

"The little woman keep you awake last night?" Howard teased.

"That's putting it mildly," Leonard said.

"Do we need to talk about this in front of Wyatt?" Howard asked.

"Howard, get your mind out of the gutter. Penny had cravings," Leonard said. "I've been up since before 3:30 out finding watermelon, onion rings, and brownies."

"You're a good man, Leonard," Wyatt said. "When Penny's mom was pregnant with Penny, she craved pickled pig's feet."

"Wow," Leonard said. "As hard a time as I had finding watermelon out of season, you must have had a terrible time finding pickled pig's feet."

"No," Wyatt said. "We already had them. I didn't have to go out trying to find them. Remember, we lived on a farm. I just had to go to the pantry and pull out a jar. Now, the mangoes she absolutely had to have when she was pregnant with Jason, those were tough. I don't know what it is about the women in our family that their cravings hit at 3 a.m."

"Gloria didn't have cravings with Patti," Patrick said. "But, with Gina, she wanted blackberries and bacon. I don't remember her craving anything with Sarah."

"You have a daughter named Gina too?" Wyatt said.

"Yeah," Patrick said. "She's deployed in Afghanistan. She's an MP. She did get to be there by teleconference when Patti was choosing her dress."

A couple of miles away, Penny, Patti, and Gina walked into the Pasadena Family Restaurant and saw Bernadette and Amy waiting for them. Patti's mother Gloria came in just after them.

"Penny," Bernadette said, "I ordered coffee for us, but I wasn't sure whether you can have any. The waitress is watching out for you and will come take your drink order."

Penny looked at the menu. "I think I'll have apple juice," she told the waitress. "I want some food. Patti, if you'll order, I'll wait on you, since this is the Bride's Breakfast, and you're the bride. Gloria, are you sure you and Colonel Davis can go get Patti's sister Sarah at the airport?"

"Patrick's going," Gloria said. "I thought I would stick close in case Patti needs anything."

"Gina," Patti said, "I have a sister named Gina too. She can't be with us today because she's an MP deployed in Afghanistan."

Patti told the other women about Penny's night. "Leonard was so sweet," she said. "He was out over three hours running down the watermelon, brownies, and onion rings."

"If Penny wasn't pregnant," Bernadette said, "I would worry that she had been smoking weed and had the munchies."

Everyone looked at Bernadette. "How do you know about the munchies?" Patti asked.

Bernadette smiled and said, "Remember, I went to Catholic school. What do you think happens behind the athletic bleachers when then nuns aren't looking? Some of those Catholic boys have some righteous chronic."

"Righteous chronic? Gee, I'm having breakfast with Silent Bob," Patti laughed.

"Leonard spotted a 400-pound woman with school-age children with her at Walmart at 4:30 this morning," Penny said. "He said he was playing Walmart Bingo. What is that?"

"I'll have to show you," Patti said. She took out her smartphone and handed it to Penny when she navigated to a link for Walmart Bingo. The women took turns coming up with other things to spot at Walmart, then they came up with what to include in Whole Foods Bingo and Farmers Market Bingo.

Back at the IHOP, the guys compared their dreams. "Wyatt," Leonard said. "You're the only one of us who was having dreams about what was actually happening. Maybe you're the most enlightened man at the table."

"Well," Wyatt said, "My life is pretty good right now. I'm right where I want to be."

Back at the Pasadena Family Restaurant, Penny said, "Amy, you're quiet today. What's up?"

Amy said, "I think I ruined things with Sheldon last night."

"What happened?" Bernadette asked.

"He told me he loved me when I picked him up at Wyatt's last night. I asked him if he thought our relationship would ever move to a physical level, and he said why not. I took him home with me and put him to bed. I put on makeup and came to bed, and he was asleep. I couldn't wake him. I tried different things, including having him hold my breasts. He held them all night, and this morning he called me Pavlov and told me I was a good dog and scratched my ears."

"He was dreaming," Penny said. "How did you get him awake?"

Amy said, "I talked to him. When he woke up, he was confused. When I told him what happened, he became angry and stormed out. I haven't seen him since, and he's not answering his phone."

"Sweetie," Penny said, "How many Long Island Ice Teas had he drunk?"

"He had four at the restaurant and three more at Wyatt's," Amy said.

"Oh, sweetie, I don't think Sheldon was responsible for what he said. You've seen how he is when he's had Long Island Ice Tea," Penny said.

"It's frustrating," Amy said. "You and Leonard, Patti and Wyatt, and Howard and Bernadette all had physical relationships before marriage. I don't know why I can't get anything from Sheldon."

"He did spank you," Bernadette said.

Patti strangled on her coffee. "He what?" she asked.

"He spanked her," Bernadette said. "He bent her over his knee and spanked her."

"Oh I have to hear about this," Patti said.

Amy told Patti about what happened.

"You know," Patti said. "If it was anyone other than Sheldon, I would say he was getting his kink on. Knowing Sheldon, though, he was probably actually just inflicting punishment."

"My ex-husband used to spank me," Gina said.

"By the way," Penny said, "Now that you and Arthur are divorced, do you get to see A.J.?"

"Who's A.J.?" Patti asked.

"Arthur, Jr. He's Arthur's son from a previous marriage. When I told all of you I had a 15-year-old nephew, that was A. J. He's what now, Gina, 19?"

"Yes, he's attending the local technical school studying automotive technology," Gina said. "Having a stepson only three years younger than you are is kinda weird."

"It's almost like having a son-in-law who is four months older than you are or a step-daughter only five years younger than you are, I guess," Patti said, hugging Penny.

"If I call you Mom, will that make you feel better?" Penny asked.

"No, it will make me feel old," Patti said. "You know I love you, right?"

Penny put her head on Patti's shoulder. "Yeah," she said. "I love you too."

Scene 6 Author's Note

_Please do not think that I am ridiculing pregnant women. I borrowed Penny's cravings and hormone-induced emotional lability from my wife's pregnancy with our son, who is 7 days older than Kaley Cuoco, and my mom's pregnancy with my little brother. Not all of these things happened at the same time: I compressed the time line a bit, but we had all of the cravings and emotional ups and downs and lived to tell about it. Penny's unique blend of adorability and unpredictability make for some interesting moments. Back when there was an A&P, I found myself standing in the middle of a 24-hour one at 3 in the morning looking for watermelon as my Penny thought it more important that I go out in below-freezing weather to get out-of-season fruit than to get some sleep. Then she threw up the watermelon in my Mazda. I haven't been able to ride in a Mazda since then. I couldn't look at it after that._


	5. Chapter 05: The Combination Replication

The Combination Replication

Chapter 5 The Combination Replication

Author's Note

_Please note that I had storyboarded this chapter several weeks before I saw the 6th season finale of TBBT. I did NOT steal the idea for something that happens in this chapter from the show. I have already completely re-written one chapter because of something that appeared in the show long after I had storyboarded the idea, but what happens in this chapter is so pertinent to my plans down the road that I had to leave it._

Scene 1 Green Room

Shauntay stood in the room where the women were preparing for the wedding with one hand on his hip and the other holding his cell phone to his ear. "Dr. Koothrapali," he said, "I will have you know that you may be the wedding planner, but I am the image consultant. If the bride and I say we don't want the bride painted up like a floozie, the bride will not be painted up like a floozie. [Pause] Because this is a wedding, not a Whitesnake video. [Pause] Yes, I understand that Lt. Davis is an olive complexioned winter, but that does not mean we have to paint her up like Joan Collins. I have Jamie here with me, and she is working on a nice, virginal look for Lt. Davis. [Pause] Penny? We were thinking about painting her up a bit more, just to help emphasize Lt. Davis' virginal look. [Pause] Yes, I know we should use the summer palette with her. [Pause] Of course, she's a natural blonde. [Pause] You know how?" He turned and looked at Penny. "You and Dr. Koothrapali had a wild naked night?"

"Tell Dr. Koothrapali I am going to kick him so hard his breath will smell like shoe polish if he doesn't stop talking about that. [Into Shauntay's cell phone] You hear that Quickdraw? I can smack you so hard your grandchildren will turn white."

Just then, Penny's cell phone rang.

"Oh, hi, Karen. [Pause] He's going nuts, huh? [Pause] Why don't you open the door to the corral and the one from the corral to the pasture so he can run around for a while. Maybe he's just tired of being cooped up. Are you pretty sure you don't have any uninvited visitors? I know we have seen coyotes. [Pause] You should call JaQuan and ask him to do a quick walk-through on the property to make sure you don't have any intruders. [Pause] Just make sure he has enough hay and water. It's about 30 minutes there from here, so I wasn't planning to come back just now. The reception is in the fellowship hall downstairs, so we were planning to stay here until that's over. [Pause] OK, just keep me posted." She hit End Call.

"Sheldon acting up again?" Patti asked as Jamie finished lining her eyes. "We should have put him outside on a leash."

"No," Penny said. "Midnight is agitated. The last time he was this agitated was the night the Johnsons were hiding out in the stable. Among all the college kids we have coming to take care of the stables, he usually tolerates Karen the best, but he's really upset and isn't letting her near him. You heard what I told her, to let him be able to go out into the corral and out to the pasture."

"It's amazing how you can calm him when he won't tolerate anyone else," Patti said.

"What do you think?" Jamie said, turning Patti around so Shauntay and the women in the room could see her.

"Patti, you're beautiful," Gloria said. "I wish you had a job where you could look pretty more often."

"Penny, I really appreciate your hiring Jamie to do our hair and makeup," Patti said. "You're right. Jamie, you're the best."

"Now," Jamie said, "Let's slut up the matron of honor. Patti, I'll take out the rollers and comb out your hair after I paint up Penny."

"Now, Miss Thang," Shauntay said to Patti as Jamie spun Penny around and started applying foundation. "Where are you and that stud muffin you're marrying going for your honeymoon?"

"He says it's a surprise," Patti said. "Our plane leaves at 8:00 a.m. tomorrow morning, so we'll have tonight here in Pasadena. We've booked a room at the hotel for tonight, and Penny and Leonard are taking us to the airport bright and early tomorrow morning." Patti looked at herself in the mirror and asked, "Jamie, could you teach me to do my eyes the way you did?"

"Sure: I taught Penny. Gina, how are you coming?"

Gina, who was sitting in front of one of the lighted mirrors Jamie had brought, said, "I think I'm good. Penny taught me how to do my eyes the way you showed her."

Bernadette said, "I think I've finished painting the barn. Do I look trampy enough?"

"You look adorable," Penny said.

"I really wish my sister Gina could be here," Patti said. "We call her Gigi. I wanted to teleconference with her during the wedding, but she's out in the field. We'll have to send her the video."

Amy, who was wearing her typical wool skirt and cardigan sweater, looked in the mirror and said, "I guess I'm good."

Finally, Raj called Penny to announce that it was time for the wedding. Leonard escorted Gloria, followed by Gina and Bernadette, down the aisle where Gloria took her seat on the bride's side and Gina and Bernadette took their seats on the groom's side. Leonard went over to the door off to the side and knocked. "Time, Wyatt," he said.

Wyatt and the minister walked out to the altar.

Scene 2 A Wedding

Shauntay walked up to Colonel Davis and said, "Colonel, we're ready."

Col. Davis walked to the green room door and knocked. "Come in," Penny said, opening the door. Patti got up with Penny and Jamie's help to make sure she didn't wrinkle her wedding gown.

"Patricia," Col. Davis said, "You're strikingly beautiful."

"Thank you, Daddy," Patti said. She picked up her bouquet as Penny straightened her dress. "Are you ready?"

Col. Davis offered Patti his arm.

Penny walked down the aisle as Howard played "The Way You Look Tonight" on his Yamaha keyboard. The chapel was packed with people familiar and unfamiliar to her. Many of the unfamiliar people were wearing dress police uniforms, as was Col. Davis. Wyatt walked over and kissed Penny on the cheek as she reached the front. She stood off to the left and turned.

Howard began the wedding march. The members of the audience stood and turned toward the door. Patti walked down the aisle on her father's arm. They stopped at the front, and she handed Penny her bouquet.

As the ceremony neared the end, Raj whispered to Shauntay, "I am glad Wyatt and Patti decided to have a traditional wedding. I think that is more consistent with Wyatt's personality."

"You did a great job with the decorations," Shauntay said. "Decorating the church with red and green with Poinsettias the week after Christmas was a stroke of genius."

"I think that, if I ever lose my academic job, I'll go to work as a wedding planner," Raj said. "This has been the most fun I have had in years."

"And now, by the power vested in me by the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America and the State of California, I pronounce you husband and wife. Wyatt, you may now kiss your bride."

The members of the audience rose and applauded as Wyatt kissed Patti.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the chaplain said. "The bride and groom invite you to their reception in the fellowship hall downstairs."

Wyatt and Patti walked back down the aisle, followed by Leonard and Penny. They waited in the green room until the photographer said she and her team were ready. They went back up to the front of the now mostly empty chapel, where the photographer posed them by each other and with Leonard, Penny, and the minister.

Scene 3 Reception

Patti and Wyatt, followed by Leonard and Penny, walked down the flight of stairs to the fellowship hall where their family and friends were waiting for the reception.

Patti said, "Thank you for steadying me, Wyatt. It's murder walking down stairs in these heels."

"I don't guess you get to wear heels too often," Wyatt said.

Down in the fellowship hall, Raj eased up next to Alex, who was standing alone.

As Wyatt and Patti walked through the door, Howard, who was acting as Master of Ceremonies, announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I be the first to present Mr. Wyatt and Mrs. Patricia. . . ."

_Rumble, rumble, rumble, crash, rumble._

"Earthquake!" Sheldon shouted as the emergency alarm began to loudly sound from his cell phone.

The building began to shake violently, as the normal lights went out and the emergency lights lit. Fortunately, there was enough light coming from the narrow windows at the top of the wall near the ceiling that, with the emergency lights, people could see to find their way around. The Californians in the room herded the non-Californians under tables. Patti grabbed Wyatt and moved him under an empty table, while Howard guided Leonard and Penny under the table with the sound system controls. Howard looked around and saw Bernadette helping an elderly lady under a table.

Alex stumbled and fell about 20 feet from a table. Raj immediately covered her with his body. "Don't worry, Alex: I have you!" Raj said. Alex struggled to extricate herself from under him, but Raj said, "You're all right. I wouldn't let anything happen to you. You're too precious to me."

The people hiding under tables heard crashing as several light fixtures fell and shattered. Glass splattered Raj, but nothing large struck him. There was a loud crash from outside the building, and car alarm systems began sounding.

Finally, the building stopped shaking.

"That was 27 seconds, same as the 1994 Northridge Earthquake," Sheldon said. He disappeared into a storage room and came out wearing a hard hat and carrying a flashlight and bull horn. "Ladies and gentlemen," Sheldon announced through the bull horn, "Please remain calm. By the power vested in me by Starfleet Academy and the Caltech Physics Department Earthquake Preparedness Committee, I am declaring Sheldonian Law. Please assemble according to height and age and prepare to receive instructions."

Col. Davis walked over to Sheldon and asked, "May I?" reaching for the bull horn. "Where did you get the bull horn and the hard hat?"

"I got them from the earthquake kit in the storage locker. All the major buildings at Caltech have them. As chairman of the Physics Department Earthquake Preparedness Committee, I am thoroughly trained in all the standard procedures in dealing with earthquakes."

"Sheldon," Leonard said, "There is no Physics Department Earthquake Preparedness Committee. You just declared yourself chairman."

"As the senior law enforcement officer in the room," Col. Davis said, "I am assuming command. Patricia, er, Lieutenant, would you escort this individual out of my way?"

"Sheldon, come with me," Patti said. "I wanted to show you that Wyatt and I asked the caterer to bring a make-your-own-sundae bar, since you said how much you liked the one you had at some function. Look at all the ice cream that is going to melt. You need to go ahead and start making sundaes. Everything was covered, so nothing fell in any of the food, including the sundae fixings."

"Are you sure you don't need me to take command?" Sheldon said.

"I think the law enforcement in the room can handle things," Patti said. "We need you here at the sundae bar."

Amy walked over and stood near Sheldon, but he ignored her.

"The door's jammed shut," Sgt. Parker said walking down the stairwell. "I think there's something blocking it."

"Col. Davis, Badge Number C-1471. Central Command, Col. Davis, Badge Number C-1471," Col. Davis said into his walkie talkie.

"_Central Command,"_ came the voice from his radio.

"Central Command, I am at the Starnes Chapel at the Caltech campus. We are in the basement and appear to be trapped."

"_Stand by, Colonel," _the voice said._ "Please establish a command post at your location. We will be in contact."_

"What's the damage?"

"_Uncertain at this time, Colonel. We are awaiting word."_

"We have approximately 15 law enforcement personnel on-site," Col. Davis said. "We do not have any wounded. I am aware of at least one pregnant female, but not in danger of labor. We have a few children and several elderly, but everyone seems to be in good shape. We appear to be fine here. We have food and drink with restrooms available and should be fine for the time being."

"_Roger,"_ the voice said. _"Stand by."_

Raj brushed glass off of himself and Alex. "Are you hurt?" he asked her.

"No. Why did you protect me instead of getting under cover?" Alex asked.

"I wouldn't want anything to happen to you," Raj said. "I love you."

"Raj, I have told you before that I am not going to talk with you when you've been drinking."

Raj looked puzzled for a moment and then said, "I haven't had any alcohol since last night at Wyatt's bachelor party. That was 15 hours ago."

"You can talk to me?"

"I guess so. Penny! I am talking to Alex without drinking alcohol!"

"Raj, you are talking to me too," Penny said.

"I guess when I'm afraid that's it for my little brown keister, I can talk without alcohol. Alex, may I get you something? I promise I will avoid alcohol for me."

"Something to drink would be nice. I'm kinda thirsty."

"I will get it. Please stay right there being the beautiful, olive-complexioned winter who could use a little more eye makeup that you are."

Raj went to the area where there were bottles of champagne and poured Alex a glass. Penny walked up beside him, hugged him, and said, "Raj, these bottles over here are sparkling grape juice. They for those of us like me who can't have alcohol."

"Okay!" Raj said. He poured himself a glass of the sparkling grape juice and took the glasses back over to where Alex was standing.

"Alex," he said, "This is for you. This one I poured for me is non-alcoholic."

"Thank you, Raj."

"Alex, you are so beautiful. I like seeing you in a dress and wearing makeup. I could give you some pointers to take you from beautiful to absolutely stunning. If you lined your lips and used a nice true red lipstick like MAC Ruby Woo, Back Door Sizzling Scarlet, or even one of the inexpensive colors like Revlon Love that Red, you would be drop-dead gorgeous."

"Why don't we just see for now what we need to do about the earthquake," Alex said.

"Penny," Leonard said, brushing glass off his tuxedo jacked, "What can I get for you?"

Penny had walked over to where there was a large bowl with watermelon chunks, uncovered it, and said, "I think I'm good." She took a bowl from behind the fruit section, filled it with watermelon chunks, and went over to the side of the room and sat under a table.

"Sweetheart," Leonard said, coming to squat next to her, "You look adorable. What else can I do?"

"Let's see what else we have to eat," Penny said.

The food servers began to uncover the food and lit the gas warmers. "Everyone," the caterer said, "I think we may as well eat. The only thing that I'm concerned about is the make-your-own sundae bar because the electricity is out, and we have 10 gallons of ice cream out and another 10 in the freezer."

Leonard walked down the food line and returned to Penny and told her what was available.

"Ooh," Penny said, "I want some of the fried Snickers and the seedless grapes."

"Does anyone have cell phone service?" Howard asked.

Everyone shook their heads no.

Sheldon walked out of the storage room with a battery-operated radio. He tuned it to the local network affiliate channel and turned up the volume. He sat it down on the table with the fixings for the sundaes.

"_To repeat our top story," the announcer said, "A moderate-level earthquake has hit the Raymond Fault, centered in Arcadia near Pasadena. According to the California Geological Survey, it measured 6.2. Power and cell phone service are out in most of the greater Los Angeles area. Residents are advised to boil their tap water before drinking it. Automatic gas shutoffs will prevent natural gas service in most areas. Emergency personnel are asked to go to Channel Zebra."_

Col. Parker was huddling with law enforcement personnel, including Patti, still in her wedding dress. Wyatt was standing about 20 feet away from Patti.

Patti finally turned and came over to Wyatt. "The main thing we're going to be able to do here is to keep everyone calm," she said. "Daddy said that we should try to have as normal a reception as we can until someone unblocks the door. Everyone, may I have your attention? Since everyone seems to be all right, let's proceed with the reception. We're apparently not going anywhere for a while, so let's make the best of it. Why doesn't everyone help yourself to all this food. We're going to keep it covered between people serving themselves, just in case we have aftershocks, so we don't run the risk of having glass or other debris get in the food, but we're good to go."

People began lining up to help themselves to the various foods laid out on the tables.

"If anyone wants a sundae," Sheldon said, "I can make it for you."

Leonard returned to the table under which Penny was sitting to find her with company. "I saw that they had brownies, so I got you some with nuts and some plain. Who are your friends?"

"This is Shanequa," Penny said, her hand on the shoulder of a beautiful little girl who looked to be about four, "This is Hector," nodding at a little boy who was around four or five, "And this is Rosalita," she said, squeezing the toddler sitting in her lap.

"Aunt Penny is so pretty," Shanequa said.

"Pitty!" Rosalita said, touching Penny's face with her hand.

"You know," Leonard said, "I can't take Penny anywhere without her attracting fine young ladies and gentlemen like yourselves."

"Aunt Penny is going to tell us about visiting a waterfall inside a mountain," Hector said. "This is my little sister Rosalita. Shanequa is the daughter of Sgt. Dorian. He and my daddy work together."

"Hector, are you and Rosalita bothering this lady?" an officer in his dress uniform asked. "Hi, I'm Manuel Martinez," the officer said.

"Not at all," Penny said, squeezing Rosalita. This fine young lady came over to me, and her brother came to check on her. We've been having a nice chat."

"Aunt Penny went to a waterfall under a mountain," Hector said. "She was going to tell us about it."

"Hector," Sgt. Martinez said, "When we get home, we'll look at OnDemand and see if we can find her and Dr. Hofstadter's show. They have a show on Wednesdays. I thought you watched that with me."

"Daddy, I think I would remember a show about a waterfall under a mountain," Hector said.

"They also walked behind a waterfall," Sgt. Martinez said.

"And we went into a big, long tunnel with bats," Penny said.

"No way," Hector said.

"Way," Penny said. She took out her phone and showed the children pictures of the two waterfalls and the tunnel. "Hector, when we get out of here, if your daddy will give me your address, I'll send you a DVD with some of the video from that trip on it. When the DVDs of all the season's shows come out in August, I'll make sure you get a copy. Dr. Hofstadter and I have done all sorts of neat things in the show. We went to Switzerland to this big science laboratory underground, Dr. Hofstadter has shown about lasers, we've had a lot of fun."

"Did you ask them to call you Aunt Penny?" Sgt. Martinez asked.

"No," Penny said. "Children just seem to call me that."

"Pitty!" Rosalita said, patting Penny on the cheek.

"Si, Chica," Sgt. Martinez said, "Ella es muy linda."

"Si," Hector said, "Muy linda."

"I love Rosalita's dress, and the bows in her hair," Penny said.

"She's the only girl in her generation," Sgt. Martinez said. "We have Hector here and six male cousins and then Rosalita. Both grandmothers and all these aunts and uncles make a big fuss over her."

"Shanequa was telling me that she likes horses," Penny said. "Sweetie, do you have a horse?"

Shanequa shook her head no.

"Well, I do," Penny said. She pulled out her cell phone again and showed the children pictures of Midnight.

"Midnight doesn't seem to like anyone but Penny," Leonard said, "But he is just like a big, friendly puppy when she's around."

On the other side of the room, Raj was talking to Alex. "And this is a picture of my sister Priya," he said, showing her his cell phone.

"I remember seeing her around the university with Leonard," Alex said. "She is one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen."

"Yes, that was a dark time for my family when Leonard was shaming us," Raj said.

"I don't see how going out with your sister shamed your family," Raj said.

"He did degrading things with her," Raj said.

"Dr. Hofstadter? I have a hard time believing that," Alex said.

"Oh, yes. He is quite the little perv."

"What did he do?"

"He had sexual relations with her!"

"No!"

"It's true. That brought shame upon my family."

"Haven't you had sexual relations?"

"Yes, but not with my sister. Yecch!"

"Raj, aren't you having different standards for you than for Leonard?"

"It just seems perverted to me," Raj said.

"Maybe we can explore your feelings about that," Alex said.

"If you will let me do your makeup," Raj said.

"_Pasadena Command Post, Central Command,"_ Col. Davis' walkie talkie chirped. _"What is the situation at your site?"_

"Everything is stable," Col. Davis said. "We have not been able to find a way out. The door is blocked, and the windows are too small for anyone to exit, not to mention that they are sealed. We are fine here. There are no doubt other sites with a higher priority."

"_Roger that,"_ the voice from the walkie talkie said. _"Colonel, even if we could extract you, the highways are at a standstill. None of the traffic lights are working, and the officers we have are pulling cars to the side of the road to prevent fatalities. We are gradually getting emergency vehicles to the largest bottlenecks."_

"Roger that. We are fine here for the time being."

"_Roger. Stand by."_

Author's Note

_First, I had planned to have Raj become able to talk to Alex and then other women more than six months ago when I first started writing these stories, even before I planned when Leonard and Penny would marry, so no one was more surprised that I to see Raj being able to talk to Penny, Bernadette, and Amy on the season finale. Second, thanks again, as has been the case so many times before, to my wife and to the person who writes under the pen name Twyla Mercedes for advising me on anything feminine. They advised me about Raj's metro-sexual habits as well as his advice to various females about such issues as makeup. Some of the more positive comments I get come when Raj has been his metro-sexual self, so I wanted to continue to emphasize that._


	6. Chapter 06: The Amazing Howard

Chapter 06, The Amazing Howard Exposition

Scene 1 Houdini Would be Proud

Leonard sat with his back to the wall holding Penny, who had backed into him and sat with her head on his shoulder eating watermelon chunks. Penny held Rosalita, who was contentedly watching Hector, Shanequa, Kimberly, and Donna, as they sat listening to Penny.

"Then we came to the bottom, and, when the elevator door opened, we walked into a cave," Penny said. "We walked a long way to where the waterfall is deep underground. All along the way there were these wonderful rock formations, like the Fish Market, where it looks as if there are a bunch of fish hanging from the ceiling."

"Were there any fishes at the waterfall?" Hector asked.

"We didn't see any," Penny said, "but there have been some."

"Did you get wet?"

"Leonard's glasses got mist all over them, but I didn't feel too wet. My hair got frizzy, though."

On the other side of the room, Raj held Alex' hand. "If you exfoliate every evening before you retire and then practice the moisturizing routine I sent to your phone at bedtime and again upon rising, your skin can have the rosy glow that mine has."

"What I asked you," Alex said, "was whether your parents are in this country."

"Oh. No, I am the only member of my family who lives outside of India. My parents keep nagging at me to return, the way my sister Priya did. You know, I used to do my sister Priya's makeup for her, but she said that was creepy, and she does her own makeup now. I wish she would be more aggressive about her moisturizing routine."

At the make-your-own sundae station, Sheldon drank his third Long Island Ice Tea. One of the children came up, and he made her a Sheldon Special. He shouted, "I love you," to Penny, who was looking in his direction.

Howard stood at the head of the stairs examining the door leading into the chapel. "You know," he said, "the door isn't locked, It looks as if the frame warped when the building shifted, and it is wedged shut. Bernadette, you might want to step back. I'm going to try to unbolt the door and then gently open it. I don't want you getting hurt if there's something pressing up against the door and comes crashing through when I open it."

Bernadette walked back down the stairs and watched. Howard took out his wallet and withdrew a small business-card-size tool. He turned toward Bernadette and said, "This is my multipurpose emergency tool. It has a screwdriver on the end. This is going to take a while. The pin in each hinge is bradded on both ends, so I can't remove them. I'll have to unscrew the hinges."

Howard carefully removed the screws holding the hinges on the door. After he had all the hinges removed, he pulled on the door, but it did not budge. He walked to Col. Davis and told him what he had done. Col. Davis sent several officers to attempt to muscle the door open, without success. "I'll go try the door to the outside," Howard said, as the men continued trying to open the door. "I couldn't open it earlier. It was open, as California state law requires, when I loaded in the sound equipment. I think it's probably just wedged shut too."

Howard repeated the procedure of unbolting the door hinges. The door fell backwards. Howard grabbed the door and looked to the outside. "Hey! I'm holding up the door. The roof over the door has collapsed, and the debris is too thick for me to wedge through."

An officer helped Howard carry the door down the steps and prop it against a wall.

"Don't touch the pipes wedged in the doorway," Howard told the officer. "It looks as if there may be an electrical wire touching them." He stood there for a moment scratching his head. "I wish I had a power meter," he said. "I'm afraid for any of us to touch it. I would think it's dead, but I don't think we should take a chance."

"Colonel," one of the officers said, "We have found an access to the ventilation system. There's room for a small adult or a child to crawl through. It's nasty in there, though."

Howard walked over to the storage closet where the officer was standing at the top of a ladder. "Let me take a look," he said. The officer climbed down, and Howard climbed to the top of the ladder. "It's the right size for me," he said. "Let me try."

"Howie, I don't think you should go," Bernadette, who had just walked up, said.

"I don't think I have much of a choice," Howard said. "Are those dust masks there in the earthquake kit? Could you hand me one?"

The officer who had originally been at the top of the ladder handed Howard a dust mask and the flashlight Sheldon had originally found. Howard putt the mask over his face and climbed up into the air duct.

"Here goes nothing," Howard said.

"Please be careful," Bernadette said.

Howard crawled about 50 feet until he had to turn left or right. "Let me flip a mental coin," he said. "Heads. I go left." He crawled about 35 feet until there was another left, but it was only about 10 feet long until it abruptly ended. Howard backed the 50 feet until he was able to back partly into the original way he had come and turned right. He came to a 90-degree bend in the duct that led up. He shimmied up about five feet until he made a turn. He saw light about 30 feet ahead. When he got to the light, he saw that he was at a vent behind the altar. He put his back against the rear of the vent and kicked with all of his might. About 10 kicks later, one side of the vent came loose. Howard worked the vent until he was able to squeeze through, cutting his leg on the way out. "Clumsy," he told himself.

Howard stood and dusted off his suit. Some of the stained glass in the windows in the room was broken, and one of the light fixtures over the baptismal pool had fallen. He walked to the stairwell. There was nothing in the way. He walked to the door and began pounding on it until an officer on the other side said, "Howard? Is that you?"

"It's me. Stand back. I'm going to try to kick the door open." Howard looked around for something to swing from, but there was nothing. He ran back and took a flying leap, landing with his feet on the door. Nothing.

"It didn't budge."

''I'll try again." Howard took another run and jumped to the door. Again, nothing. "Let me see if I can open the other door. Someone needs to go there to talk to me from your side."

The front door to the chapel was standing open. Howard cautiously walked out the door. The scene was mostly normal, except that the column holding up the roof on one side of the entrance had collapsed, and one side of the roof was sagging. Howard carefully walked as close to the building as he could until he was clear. He turned the corner to the side of the building where the exit from the basement to the outside was.

"Oh, no. Poor Leonard. He has such bad luck with cars," he said as he walked up and saw the large parking lot light fixture lying across Leonard's car. "He loved that car. Oh, well."

Howard walked to the door. "Anyone there?"

"Yes, sir, Sgt. Martinez."

"Sergeant, the roof to the door has collapsed. There's a lot of debris there, but I don't see any power lines there after all. Can you pull any of the debris into the room?"

"Negative. It's all wedged."

"All right. I'll do what I can."

Howard began pulling the materials from the doorway. Gradually, he managed to pull enough out that Sgt. Martinez was able to craw out to the outside.

"Help me move the rest of this," Howard said.

"Howard, need some help?" Leonard said from the doorway.

"Yeah, whatever you can give me," Howard said.

Leonard squeezed through the debris to the outside followed by Wyatt and Jason.

"Oh, well, easy come, easy go," Leonard said when he saw his car. The door had opened when the fixture had fallen on it. Leonard punched the voice recognition button on the steering wheel.

"Total system failure. Total system failure. . . ." the car repeated over and over.

"I loved that car," Leonard said.

Leonard joined Wyatt, Sgt. Martinez, Jason, and Howard and helped clear away the fallen materials.

"You know," Howard said, "If this wasn't so critical, it would be funny watching you guys clearing away debris in your tuxedos."

The four men worked until they had cleared away enough of the debris that people could come and go through the door.

A few minutes later, Col. Davis stood on the sidewalk talking on his radio. "Roger. We are able to exit the building, but, until we know more, there's no need. We have food, water, and toilet facilities. We should be good at least through mid-day tomorrow."

_"Roger, Colonel. There are additional survivors at the dining hall on the East Gate section and at the gymnasium. The dining hall was closed for the winter break, but there may be some food there. There is security at the dining hall but no law enforcement presence at the gymnasium."_

"We're good right now, but I will send an officer to each location to see if they have anyone who needs to come to our location."

_"Roger. Please have someone with a radio at each location if people are going to stay there. The National Guard is on the way to assess."_

"Roger."

Col. Davis walked back down into the fellowship hall. "I need two officers, one to go to the gymnasium, and one to go to the food service to assess the status of survivors there."

"I'll go."

"I'll go."

Fine. Someone with a radio give one to each of these officers. Officers, please assess and report back. Thank you."

Leonard went back down into the hall and found Penny still sitting under the table with the children around her. "I'm scared," Donna said.

"Sweetheart," Leonard said, caressing her cheek, "Everything's all right now. We can get out." Leonard knelt down and looked Donna in the eye. "You know what? I promise you I won't let anything happen to you. You're going to be just fine. All of you will. I promise." Donna hugged him.

Just then, the lights in half of the room lit, and the heating system started.

"One of the circuits must have blown," Col. Davis said as he looked around the room.

"Everyone, the refrigeration system is cooling the ice cream again. What we have is just the right degree of softness. I have enough to make sundaes for everyone," Sheldon said. "I can make you the Sheldon Surprise."

"Where did you get the paper hat that says _Ice Cream_?" Bernadette asked.

"There's a pack of them inside the storage case for the sundae bar."

Just then, the other half of the lights in the room lit. Howard looked out of the storage room. "Good," he said, "The circuit breaker tripped. All I had to do was flip the breaker all the way off and then back on. Looks like we're back in business."

Scene 2 Oh, How We Danced

"Ladies and gentlemen," Howard said through the microphone. "Let's get this show back on the road. I believe we have the first dance of the bride and groom." He started the mix-CD Patti and Raj had him make for Patti and Wyatt's first dance.

Wyatt walked over to Patti, extended his hand, and said, "May I?"

Wyatt and Patti danced for a while and then turned and motioned for everyone else to join them. Rosalita's mother took her from Penny, and Penny and Leonard joined Wyatt and Patti, followed by Col. and Mrs. Davis.

Raj extended his hand to Alex, who stood and joined him. As they entered the area where the others were, Bernadette and Howard joined them. By now, Col. Davis was with Patti, and Wyatt was with Penny. Leonard was dancing with Mrs. Davis.

Wyatt told Penny, "Here's the Father-Daughter dance we never got."

"I love you, Daddy."

Hector walked over to Penny, who danced with him while Leonard picked up Shanequa and danced with her.

Amy walked over to Sheldon and asked, "Can we dance?"

Sheldon looked away and said, "I don't think so." He stumbled and fell on the floor. He struggled to stand. "I think I've had too much ice tea."

"Ma'am, would you like to dance?" Jason said to Amy.

Amy looked back at Sheldon and said, "I guess so." Jason beamed. Amy and Jason went out on the floor.

"Sheldon specials. Come and get 'em while they're cold!" Sheldon said when the music stopped. He glared at Jason and Amy, who were now sitting and talking. He made the "I have my eye on you" sign at Jason, who looked puzzled.

"What's his problem?" Jason asked Penny, who was near him and Amy.

"He's a nut," Penny said.

"Sheldon, what's up, dude?" Raj asked, as he walked up with Alex, holding hands.

"Nothing is up, other than my ire. May I interest you in a sundae?"

"Alex, would you like a sundae?" Raj asked.

"Would you like to share?" Alex asked.

"Oh, that would be lovely," Raj said. "Why don't we try a Sheldon special."

"Excellent," Sheldon said. "I have all of the components, in the correct order. Interesting fact: The word _sundae_ comes from the word _Sunday_, for the day of the week. The sundae was originally considered a treat people would have on Sunday."

Scene 3 The Rest in Peace Observance

Penny stood next to Leonard holding his hand as they looked at Leonard's car destroyed by the parking lot light fixture. "Oh, sweetie," she said. "I know you loved that car."

"Yeah, but it's just a car. You and our baby are all right. That's the important thing."

"It would be all right if you hadn't pulled up so close so I wouldn't have had to walk."

"It was a freak accident. I'm sure the insurance company will take care of things. Besides, it wouldn't have been very considerate of me to let you walk in those heels."

"Oh, sweetie," Penny said, hugging Leonard. "You're so considerate. These heels are brutal. I wish I had brought a pair of shoes for after the wedding."

"I have an extra pair of Nikes in my office on the other side of the campus," Leonard said.

"Thank you, sweetie, but you know your shoes are too small for me."

"I'll get a couple of boxes and come back and get everything. Let me get my messenger bag with my laptop and my tablet out of the trunk. I have chargers and idiot sticks for our phones."

"I wonder if the plane will leave at 8:00 tomorrow morning," Leonard said.

"Ooh, I have cell phone!" Penny said.

They walked back into the fellowship hall, where Wyatt was on the phone with the airport. Wyatt hung up and said, "Our flight has been cancelled, but they have booked us on a flight later in the day. If we can get there, we will leave at 2:00 p.m. It's a good thing we bought vacation insurance."

"What are you going to do?" Leonard asked.

"I suppose we're going to try to get there."

"I'll take you, but I'll have to drive your car," Leonard said. "Mine bit the big one."

"What do you mean?" Patti asked.

"It's an SUV pancake," Penny said.

"Oh, no," Patti said, "You love that car."

"Leonard, Penny," Wyatt said, "We have a hotel room reserved. Why don't both of you stay with us?"

"Let me check and see what's going on at the house." Leonard said. "I'll need to talk it over with Management."

Penny punched him in the ribs. Leonard walked outside to call JaQuan.

Leonard found Penny at the food when he returned to the fellowship hall after standing on the sidewalk talking with Karen and JaQuan. "Everything's fine at our two houses," he said. We weren't in direct line of the quake. We just had a few things fall off shelves, no real damage. The quake happened just as JaQuan came through the gate."

"How are the horses?" Penny asked.

"They calmed down," Leonard said. "Midnight stuck his head back into his stall. He's walking around the corral now, but he's calm."

Alex walked up next to Penny and took a few sliced apples and a few grapes.

"Where's Raj?" Penny asked.

"He went to his car to get me some moisturizer samples. He thinks I need to change my skin routine."

"That's my Raj. Alex," Penny said, "Leonard and I have been meaning to talk with you. Do you have plans for New Years Eve?"

"No," Alex said. "I usually put on my PJs and start watching the ball drop from New York at 9:00 and then follow the shows until midnight here, but I'm almost always alone, since my roommate usually has a hot date."

"Leonard and I are going to have a few friends over, and we would love it if you would join us," Penny said. "Nothing fancy, we'll have supper and then watch the ball drops."

"Who all will be there?" Alex asked.

"Oh, our closest friends: Sheldon, Howard, Bernadette, Raj. My sister plans be there. My brother was supposed to be back in Omaha by the day after New Year's, but we'll have to see. He drove my daddy's car out here and was going to fly back, but we'll have to see if his plane will leave as scheduled. Of course, my daddy and Patti should be on their honeymoon by then. I've invited a couple of other people, but I doubt they'll be there. All you will need to bring is you and, if you have someone, your date."

"I'll think about it," Alex said.

"Well, let me know if you decide not to come so I can twist your arm. Alex, I meant it when I said that you and I are going to become friends."

Scene 4 Dr. Lori

Penny sat on the examination table in Dr. Rogers' office wearing the examination gown. The nurse added some papers to the chart in the chart holder on the outside of the door.

"Do you think Sheldon will be all right in the waiting room?" Leonard asked.

"I brought him some children's activity books to keep him occupied," Penny said. "He was finding the differences between pairs of pictures in one of the books. He announced that he had already found Waldo. He has a horrible hangover, so I don't think he'll be causing any trouble. When should we tell him about Long Island Ice Tea?"

"When it stops making him more pleasant to be around," Leonard said.

"Hi, guys," Dr. Rogers said as she waddled into the room looking at the chart. She held her enormous baby bump as she sat on the stool. "Happy New Years Eve."

"Goodness! How far along are you?" Leonard asked.

"How far along with what?" Dr. Rogers asked, looking incredulous.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were pregnant," Leonard said, blushing.

Dr. Rogers laughed. "You know, that has not stopped being funny. Leonard, you should see your face. It's three weeks to due date."

"Bazinga!" Penny said, high-fiving Dr. Rogers.

"Not to worry, Penny," Dr. Rogers said. "Once you're pregnant, we have you visit each of the doctors in the practice, since whoever is on duty when you go into labor will deliver your baby. My being out with the little poop machine won't be very disruptive, not to mention that I'll be back before your time. Oh, excuse me. I'll be right back." Dr. Rogers rushed out of the room.

Dr. Rogers returned a couple of minutes later. "You'll have to pardon me. I'm glad we're closing at Noon, its being New Years' Eve. Now, where were we? Oh, yes, I'm glad we were finally able to get you in here in person."

"Yeah," Penny said, "It doesn't seem as if I've only known I'm pregnant for six days. It seems a lot longer."

Dr. Rogers did her examination. She had the nurse come in and draw blood, and a technician came in and ran an EKG.

"I'm so sorry," Jackie, the nurse, said as she drew the blood.

"You never hurt me. You're slick as a whistle," Penny said.

"I could have used you when I had my exam with the cardiologist recently," Leonard said. "Their phlebotomist must have learned drawing blood along with water boarding at Guantanamo."

"So you guys got through the earthquake all right?" Dr. Rogers asked when she returned.

"Yes," Leonard said. "All of us were trapped in the basement where we had the reception for a few hours, but we got out OK. We had food, drink, and toilet facilities, so we were good, especially compared to a lot of other people. The only thing we lost was my car when a light pole and transformer fell across it. Penny had watermelon and fried Snickers, so she was good."

"He loved that car," Penny said.

"Everything looks good," Dr. Rogers said, looking through Penny's chart. "Your heart is good, your blood pressure is normal. Let's see: You've never smoked, you stopped consuming alcohol several months before you conceived, you've never used illegal drugs, you're on an exercise program, and you're eating the right things. There are no genetic abnormalities that run in either side of the family, as far as you know. You and Leonard are the same blood type, O-, so there's not going to be an incompatibility. Guys, everything looks good."

"You've never used illegal drugs?" Leonard asked. "What about the 'potpourri' your dad found in your drawer?"

"You need to ask Jason about that," Penny said. "He didn't think Daddy would look in my drawer. I got blamed for something I didn't do."

"How's the nausea?"

"As long as I take the medication as prescribed, I'm able to manage it," Penny said. "The main time I throw up now is in Leonard's car. Now that the Pukemobile is no more, he'll have to get another car for me to Christen."

"Okay, I think you should continue the Zofran for the time being. I'll write you a prescription, and we'll continue to evaluate. Hopefully, the nausea will go away by the end of the first trimester, although some women have had nausea throughout their entire pregnancies."

"Oh, don't tell me that," Penny said.

"She has been having serious cravings," Leonard said. "I didn't think those started this soon."

"They can," the doctor said. "I don't have any data for this, but, just anecdotally, it seems to me the the more serious the nausea and the stronger the cravings, the healthier the baby is. Well, everything I can tell you right now looks good. We'll call you as soon as the results of the blood tests come in, but I don't think there's anything to worry about. We'll do an ultrasound sometime around 18 to 20 weeks, but I think everything will be just fine. We have the new ultrasounds that look like a picture of the baby."

"What do you think in terms of a due date?" Leonard asked.

"Based on everything you told me, I am setting September 1, give or take, as your projected due date," the doctor said.

"Penny," Leonard cooed, "You and I should have our baby by Labor Day."

"Lori," Penny said. "My mom had a healthy pregnancy, except that she smoked marijuana the entire time she was pregnant with me. I don't think I had any after-effects, but I've been reading about the effects of that and other things. What do you call them, teratogens? I hope I'm doing everything I need to do. I guess it's normal to worry that I'm doing something wrong."

"You're right, they're called teratogens, and they can come from the dad as well as the mom. Oh, as a first-time mom, you can expect to be a little obsessive, but, if everything you said is correct, you're doing everything right. I'm going to prescribe pregnancy vitamins just to give you an extra edge. You said you don't have a cat but you did growing up. I don't think I would get a cat until after the baby is here so you'll avoid toxoplasmosis. You know about organogenesis, the weeks two through eight, right? That's when the major organs are beginning to develop and when things you're exposed to can do the most harm."

"I don't think I've been exposed to anything," Penny said.

"Dr. Rogers," Leonard said, "Penny has a horse she rides every day, and we've been taking Korean martial arts. Should she stop those two activities?"

"Penny can continue to ride-gently-for the time being, as long as she doesn't do things that put her at risk for falling off the horse, such as jumping. Penny, use your judgment. Remind me or whoever you see whenever you come in, and we'll track your progress and tell you when to stop. As far as the martial arts goes, you can do the workouts, I just wouldn't risk getting hit. Remind us about that too, and we'll see how you're doing. You'll stop both activities at some point, but, for now, if it's helping you stay fit, and you feel like doing it, keep on-just don't fight or risk getting hit. When you do have to stop, though, I do want you to continue doing at least low-impact exercise, such as walking."

"My horse Midnight looks forward to our rides," Penny said. "I'll have to figure out some way to keep paying him attention every day when I can't ride anymore."

"Maybe Leonard can ride him."

"Oh, no," Leonard said, laughing. "I think Midnight's in love with Penny. He adores her. He won't let anyone else come near him."

"Maybe you can get a buggy for him to pull," Lori said.

"We'll have to see about that," Leonard said.

"I know how to hitch a buggy," Penny said, "But Midnight may not like it. I think he likes having me physically in contact with him."

Leonard and Penny returned to the waiting room to find Sheldon arguing with the receptionist.

"No, you have to have one of the doctors see me immediately," he said. "I think I have a cerebral aneurysm. My head is killing me, I feel nauseated, I have light sensitivity, and I'm thirsty."

"Sheldon," Penny said, "I can't take over-the-counter medications anymore, and I have some things for a headache in my pocketbook you can have."

"Well, if I don't get better soon, we're going to have to go to the emergency room," Sheldon said.


	7. Chapter 07 Auld Lang Sine Hypothesis

Raj and Alex pulled through the gate at Leonard and Penny's ranch to find Leonard, Howard, and Jason gathered around what appeared to be a new black SUV and Penny, Gina, and Bernadette looking into a lavender version of the same car next to each other in the garage. Sheldon was sitting on the steps going into the kitchen working on his tablet and drinking a glass of what looked to be ice tea.

Raj parked the car in his usual spot under the giant oak tree. He went around to Alex' side of the car and opened the door for the surprised physicist. He took Cinnamon from her child seat in the back and held her with one arm and held Alex' hand with the other hand. As they came into the garage, they first encountered Leonard and the other men.

"Dude," Raj said. "That was fast. I need to switch to your insurance company if they replaced your car this quickly."

Leonard said, "We lucked out. I was driving Wyatt's car on the way from taking Penny to the doctor, and I stopped by the dealership where I bought my old SUV to see what they had. The adjuster for our insurance company was there getting a repair estimate on the car for one of his other customers, and he told me he had already seen my car, and I should go ahead and get a new one. Since it was New Years Eve, and the dealership wanted as many cars off the lot before midnight as possible, they had a great sale. The insurance company is going to give me enough for my old car that I'm not going to take much of a hit with the new car. This one is exactly what I wanted-even the color-and then some: There are some features on this model that we didn't have on the one that was destroyed. I even have a compartment that will be perfect for carrying bags and towels in case Penny gets sick and then supplies for the baby when she comes. Penny got the same one in lavender. You'll be happy to know that Sheldon has given his approval. He has already figured out how to monitor my engine and all the sensors with his smart phone."

"I certainly do approve of the car," Sheldon said, looking up from his tablet. "You can interact with the car and not have to interact with people. By the way, your tire pressure in all four tires-and the spare-are within the expected parameters."

"Darn that Vulcan hearing," Leonard said.

Raj and Alex walked over to Penny, who was showing Bernadette and Gina her new car.

Penny said, "I wasn't in that much of a hurry to get a car, but it was a really good sale. They didn't give us much at all for my old car when it was bombed, but I'm going to need something. It's exactly like Leonard's-except for the color-and Consumer Reports rates this model as the most baby-friendly because of all the safety features. It even has a built-in Blue-Ray player for when the rugrat gets old enough to need entertaining. I've been out playing with all the electronic gizmos. Raj, it has heated seats. I know you like that."

Leonard went in to check on supper while Penny took their visitors to the corral to see Midnight.

Midnight whinnied and came over to the fence and nuzzled Penny."That's my sweet boy," Penny said, stroking the large black horse.

Alex said, "I used to go to riding camp every summer." She reached up and scratched the bridge of Midnight's nose.

Midnight eyed Alex suspiciously but did not fuss. He flicked his ears as she cooed at him.

"I think he likes you," Penny said.

Midnight flipped his tail but did not protest. He nudged Penny, who absent-mindedly scratched his ear.

Raj let go of Alex' hand momentarily and reached up to scratch Midnight's nose, but Midnight kicked the fence post and snorted, causing Raj to step back.

"Penny, your horse just gave me a threatening look," Raj said.

"Raj, you're imagining things," Penny said.

"No, I promise you I know that look," Raj said. "Remember, I have sisters, and I've been around you for six years. I know what it is to be threatened."

"Darned skippy," Penny said.

"What does peanut butter have to do with it?" Raj asked.

"It's an expression," Howard said.

Penny took their visitors over to Wyatt and Patti's property to show them the goats Wyatt had just bought.

"Daddy's going to use the goats to clear out the brush over on our back lot," Penny said. "Goats are wonderful: They eat the sticker bushes and the poison ivy, even the garbage that's under all the brush that looks as if it has been there for several decades. I was raised on goat's milk: It's so much better for the baby than cow's milk."

"Plus they give you free fertilizer," Howard said.

Just then, a border collie walked out from behind the goats and barked at Penny, wagging his tail.

"Hi, Sam," Penny said.

"Sam's new," Bernadette said.

"Sam's Daddy's border collie," Penny said. "Jason brought him out in the car with him and Gina. He's going to stay with Daddy and Patti. He's great with goats. He always worked the sheep at home, and goats are a lot smarter than sheep. They won't get into mischief with Sam around, not to mention that he's great at catching frisbees. His daddy was my Daddy's dog, and Sam took over about six months before Daddy came out to Pasadena."

The group went into the house, where Leonard was putting the final touches on dinner as Amy drove up and parked next to Raj.

"Hi, Amy," Jason said as she walked into the den. "May I get you something to drink?"

"Sure, maybe some white wine, if some is open," Amy said. "I brought a hostess gift." She walked into the kitchen and put a large bottle of sparkling cider and a bottle of white wine down on the counter next to the wine Raj and Alex had brought and the Poinsettia Howard and Bernadette had brought. "I brought two hostess gifts, since I didn't think Sheldon would bring anything. Jason, I thought you were leaving for Omaha."

"I'm supposed to be back the day after New Year's, but my flight was canceled. I may be here a few more days. I hope I can see you those days and get you to come out and visit me in Omaha. Why don't we go take a walk?"

Jason took Amy's hand and led her on a walk around the farm, showing her where Leonard and Penny were growing lettuce in bell jars. They walked over to the goat pen.

"Why is that grasshopper-looking guy following us?" Jason asked, nodding at Sheldon, who was peeping out from behind a tree.

"Ignore him," Amy said. "Sheldon is-how do I say this nicely-special."

"Are you and he [making a sign with his fingers]?"

"We're supposedly girlfriend and boyfriend, but I think we may have broken up."

"That's a shame."

"Maybe not."

Penny was looking out the window watching Amy and her brother.

"Do you think Jason and Amy are starting a relationship?" Bernadette asked, looking around Penny.

"I don't know," Penny said. "They do look cozy, don't they?"

"From what you said, I'm surprised," Bernadette said. "I would have thought Jason would go for someone a bit more-oh, I don't want to say something bad about Amy-uh, more. . . ."

"Slutty?" Penny said. "You have to understand that Jason is a hound dog. As long as you're biologically female and willing, he'll do you. He won't have a long-term relationship with most women, he mostly looks for one-night stands. I hope Amy doesn't let herself get hurt. I'll talk to her. Leonard, how's supper coming?"

"Everything's under control," Leonard said. "The salads are in the fridge, and the Sopa de Ajo is in the slow-cooker doing well. I'll have the homemade fat-free Eggplant Parmesan ready by the time we're finished with our soup and salads."

"What is Sopa de Ajo?" Alex asked, walking up to pour herself a glass of white wine as Bernadette left with a glass of wine for Howard.

"Garlic soup: It tastes a lot better than it sounds," Leonard said. "It's light and makes a good transition between the salad and the entrée."

"Wow, Leonard, you have become quite the cook," Alex said.

"You haven't tasted anything yet," Leonard said. "You might want to withhold judgment until you see if you have to spit it out and wash it down with wine to get the taste out of your mouth."

"Oh, don't let him bluff you. He's a great cook," Penny said. "Ever since we took the healthy eating and healthy cooking classes, he has really climbed on the heart-healthy bandwagon. Just wait until you taste the Tres Leches Cake."

"Don't tell me that's heart-healthy too," Alex said.

"No," Leonard said. "That's the one splurge I did tonight. It's very rich. I usually can't eat more than half a slice. I got the recipe from Elie at the Mediterranean restaurant when she sent some for Penny after her attack and Penny went wild over it."

"Alex, you and Raj are looking comfortable," Penny said, looking around to make sure she and Leonard were alone with Alex.

"It's too soon to tell if there's anything there," Alex quietly said. "May I tell you and Leonard something and you keep it among the three of us? I really need to talk to someone, and I trust both of you. Sometimes, Raj makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck. You know him better than I do, so tell me if this is weird: He insisted that he wanted to come early so he could do my makeup tonight, and I thought he was going to cry when I said no. I mean, he brought a case with lipstick, foundation-he said I'm using the wrong color-the works. That's just kind of ewwwww. I've dumped guys over less than that. I almost didn't come. I mean, is he going to be wearing my skin as a vest and everyone wants to know what happened to me six months from now?"

"I don't want to embarrass you," Penny said, "but he has been madly in love with you since he first met you. I think he's just eager. He wants to impress you, and he doesn't know how to just relax and be himself. He's really just a sweetie. He's totally harmless."

"He told me he loved me when he dove on top of me during the earthquake. It was kind of creepy."

Just then, Raj's dog Cinnamon ran into the kitchen and barked at Penny.

"Hi, Cinnamon. What do you need?" Penny asked.

"She needs to go potty," Raj said, coming into the room with Cinnamon's leash. "Alex, would you like to join us?"

"No, I think this is Daddy and doggie time," Alex said.

Penny flipped on the backyard light and said, "Cinnamon will probably have a better time out in the backyard."

After Raj and Cinnamon had walked out into the backyard, with Cinnamon sniffing every clump of grass, Penny said, "You know, Alex, Raj has been so lonely. I'm glad that he is finally able to talk to you. He has wanted to ever since you started at the university."

"Sometimes," Alex said, "He's almost stalkerish. He seems like a good guy, but so did Ted Bundy."

"He's the best," Penny said. "He's so sweet. I think he tries too hard and says things without thinking sometimes."

"I just don't know what I'm prepared to commit to," Alex said.

"Alex," Penny said, "I know that you're not the kind of person to hurt Raj on purpose."

"We'll just have to see where it goes," Alex said. "I think he's already thinking about names for our children."

#

"That was a wonderful meal," Alex said as she finished the last of the slice of Tres Leches Cake she and Raj were sharing.

"You're right," Amy said, as Jason fed her the last spoonful of the slice they were sharing.

"There's still plenty," Leonard said. Everyone groaned.

"Dude," Raj said, "I think I will burst if I try to eat one more spoonful. That was delicious."

"It was all Leonard," Penny said. "I think he's nesting now that I'm pregnant. He won't let me help out much at all. He's working himself to a frazzle."

"Penny's not too shabby in the kitchen either," Leonard said. "If everyone will head into the den, I have a fruit and cheese tray. Help yourselves. Sheldon, you wanna surf to New Years Rockin' Eve while I clear away from supper?"

"Um, hum," Sheldon said, glaring at Jason and drinking another glass of Long Island Ice Tea.

"Sweetie, I'm coming," Penny said.

"Here, Penny, I'll help," Howard said. "Penny, you entertain your guests. Leonard and I can handle it." He cleared the dishes off the table as Leonard loaded the dishwasher and put the leftovers into containers. Gina came in and helped Leonard.

"Someone's going to have to take home some leftovers," Leonard said.

"You know, Leonard," Gina said, when she and Leonard were alone, "I appreciate you and Penny letting me stick around for the next week. You know what? You guys need a housekeeper, and I could do that for you. When the baby comes, I could help out with him too."

"Hold that thought," Leonard said. "Let's talk that over with Management when we don't have guests under foot."

"Management?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. That's my pet name for Penny."

Leonard, Howard, and Gina came into the den as Nose Hair was performing their latest single on New Years Rockin' Eve.

"I don't like it when they scream," Sheldon said. "Why can't they just sing?"

A few minutes later, Ryan Seacrest was counting down to the New Year on the East Coast.

"Three, two, one, Happy New Year!"

"You know," Bernadette said, "We need something like a ball drop here."

"Bernadette," Penny said, "I don't think you ever worked the New Years Eve shift at the Cheesecake Factory, but we had a whiffle ball that the manager would lower from the ceiling. It was kinda cheesy, but we had a nice countdown."

Eventually, New Years Rockin' Eve signed off and the group watched local programming coverage of celebrations in the Los Angeles area.

Finally, it was 30 seconds to New Years on the West Coast. Leonard came over and sat next to Penny while Bernadette came to sit next to Howard. Raj took Alex' hand. Jason came over and put his arm around Amy's shoulder.

"Five, four, three, two, one, Happy New Year!" the local anchor announced. Leonard and Penny kissed, as did Howard and Bernadette. Raj looked Alex in the eyes and kissed her on the lips. Amy looked away at first, but Jason took her by the chin and turned her face toward his and kissed her. Gina looked at Sheldon, shook her head no and walked into the kitchen for a glass of sparkling cider. Sheldon began growling as he drank his fifth glass of Long Island Ice Tea. He drained the glass and carefully put it on the coaster on the end table. He rose to confront Jason and fell behind the sofa. Leonard jumped over the sofa to make sure that Sheldon was all right but found him snoring quietly with Cinnamon licking his face. He put a cushion under his head. He and Penny looked around and saw that Amy and Jason and Raj and Alex were still kissing.

"I love you, Mrs. Hofstadter," Leonard said.

"I love you, Dr. Hofstadter," Penny said.

"Last year brought some bad things and some great things," Leonard said. "Maybe this year will bring all good things."

#

Everyone was in the living room watching When Harry Met Sally. "I've never see this movie before. This is great," Gina said.

"I know, right?" Penny said.

"You know what?" Howard said.

"Howard, if you say, 'Gee, I wonder if our periods will synchronize,' I'm going to smack you," Penny said. She snuggled closer to Leonard and said, "As soon as this is over, I think I'm going to slink off to bed and get at least a couple of hours sleep before we have to drive to the parade. Is everyone settled in?"

"I think so," Raj said. "It's nice of you and Leonard to give us a place to sleep so we don't have to drive home tonight."

Bernadette said, "Are you sure it's all right with your dad and Patti for some of us to stay at their house?"

"Oh, they won't mind," Penny said. "He likes you guys. Alex, do you need anything to sleep in? Leonard has some exercise pants. I think we're about the same size, and I can let you see what you might want."

"No, thanks," Alex said. "I think I'm going to borrow Raj' car and drive on home."

"No, please stay," Penny said. "We have plenty of room, and, tomorrow morning, Leonard will make you one of his famous breakfast smoothies."

"Actually," Leonard said, "Alex, if you will stay, you can help me with Penny's final Christmas present."

"What Christmas present?" Penny asked.

"Alex, will you please stay?" Leonard said.

"OK, I guess so," Alex said.

"Penny, you wanted to get back from the parade and lunch in time to watch the Rose Bowl game, right?" Leonard said.

"Yeah," Penny said. She turned to the others and said, "Nebraska is playing USC. I tried to get tickets when I found out, but they were sold out. I was hoping we could watch it here or find somewhere we could watch it with Nebraska fans."

Leonard said, "Are you aware that the Hofstadter Foundation makes a substantial contribution every year to the Tournament of Roses Foundation?"

"No, I really haven't seen what all you do with the foundation. Most of what you and the money guys talk about is jibber jabber to me."

"Well, we do give a very large contribution. This is my first year as Chairman of the Board of the Foundation, and, when I found out we make that contribution, I made a few calls. Long story short, we pay for a number of tickets to watch the game at the stadium in the President's box, and we've never used them. I called, and all of us have passes waiting for us. So I hired a limousine. It will be here at 6:00 a.m. to take us to Portofino's for breakfast, and Mr. Portofino said we can watch the parade from the restaurant's balcony. After the parade, the driver will take us to the stadium, where we will all have lunch in the president's box and watch the game from there."

"Leonard!" Penny said, launching herself at him. "Thank you so much!"

"I knew how much it meant to you to go watch Nebraska play," Leonard said.

"I don't want to be one of those people who takes advantage of my connections to get special treatment," Penny said.

"It's not special treatment: Do you realize how much my family gives to the foundation, and we have never asked for a single thing? We've already paid for the tickets, and they'll go to waste if we don't attend."

Everyone went to bed. Leonard got up around 4:00 a.m. to get a drink of water. When he slipped back into bed, Penny snuggled back up next to him. "You're nice and warm," she said.

"I think Alex and Raj are sleeping together," he said. "Raj's bedroom is empty, and I could hear a man's and woman's voices coming from Alex' room. Sheldon's still asleep on the floor behind the sofa in the den snuggling with Cinnamon, so it has to be Raj."

"Good for them," Penny said. "I was afraid Alex would dump him."

#

"Dude, this is living," Raj said, sitting at the table on the balcony overlooking the parade route, pouring Alex some orange juice. "It was great that you talked Portofino's into reserving us tables here."

Penny said, "It would be nicer if we weren't staring right into a billboard with a giant picture of me advertising the Penny Collection from Back Door Cosmetics. I never posed for them with red hair and orange-red lipstick. That's deceptive. I have eyelash extensions and the ad implies that, if you'll wear their mascara, your eyelashes will look like mine."

"That's why God gave us PhotoShop," Howard said. "Leonard, how did you get Mr. Portofino to reserve us a table and let us eat out on the balcony?"

"Mr. Portofino wanted to do something nice for Penny," Leonard said. "Somehow, he found out that Penny is the donor who is responsible for keeping the Children's Hospital open and having the weekly pizza parties. His granddaughter was one of their patients last year when the drunk driver struck her while she was riding her bicycle. Penny didn't know her, but, when Penny came to visit the children, she made a big impression on his granddaughter."

"Leonard! Penny!" Mr. Portofino said walking out onto the patio behind the young woman who was bringing two of the meals. He set Penny's meal in front of her and placed another pitcher of apple juice in front of them.

"Mr. Portofino," Penny said, standing to hug him. "How is your granddaughter?"

"My Angelina is doing well," Mr. Portofino said. "She has been going through physical therapy and is running and playing with the other children. She was excited when you sent her the new bicycle."

"I'm so thrilled she's doing well," Penny said. "I meant for the bicycle to be anonymous. How did you find out that I was the one who makes contributions to the Children's Hospital?"

"A little bird told me. Mrs. Portofino and I appreciate everything you did for my Angelina and all of the children. You and your friends stay here as long as you like and watch the parade."

"I've never eaten out here on the balcony before," Penny said.

"We normally only open it up for parties, but I thought you and your guests might want to watch the parade from here."

"Well, it was very nice of you," Penny said. "It's a good thing this is a warm day. Are you going to be able to join us?"

"I may stick my head out from time to time, but this is one of our busiest days of the year," Mr. Portofino said.

During the parade, Leonard was talking to Mitchell, Linda, and Molly on his tablet. "Here come the horses," he said, switching the camera from the front to the back lens. About 30 men and women in colorful costumes rode their Palominos by where Leonard, Penny, and the others were sitting.

"Uncle Leonard, they're beautiful," Linda said. "I want to see Aunt Penny's horsie Midnight."

"Sweetie," Penny said into the tablet, "We're going to have to figure out how to have you, Mitchell, and Molly here. I would love to have all of you here."

"Aunt Penny, can I ride Midnight?" Linda asked.

"When you're here, maybe I'll ride Midnight and have you up with me, if it's at a time when I'm still allowed to ride," Penny said. "Midnight can be difficult, but, maybe, if I'm riding him with you, he'll be a sweet boy."

#

Penny settled into her seat in the President's box at the Rose Bowl. She sat next to the Nebraska president's wife Arielle.

"It's interesting watching from here," Penny said to Leonard. "Somehow, it seems we ought to be sitting in sub-freezing weather having to snuggle together to keep warm. Speaking of which," she nodded toward Raj and Alex, who were sitting across from them kissing. "I don't think they're going to pay attention to the ball game."

She looked around for Amy and found her and Jason standing off to the side holding hands and talking. "Wow. I don't think they're watching the game either."

"Sheldon looks as if he's about to launch across the room after Jason," Leonard said. "I think he just put cream cheese on his hand rather than his bagel."

"It serves him right," Penny said. "Sheldon! Why don't you come over and sit with us?"

"No thank you," Sheldon said. "I'm busy." He continued to glare at Jason.

"Too bad we don't have any Long Island Ice Tea," Howard said.

"All you have to do is grab one of the servers and tell them you want some," Arielle said.

Penny stopped a young woman who was putting chocolate-dipped strawberries on the food table and asked her to bring Sheldon a Long Island Ice Tea. "And keep them coming," she said.

"So, Penny," Arielle said. "You're a Nebraska graduate?"

"No, I'm from outside Omaha. I was a cheerleader in high school, and we would go to University of Nebraska for our clinics and competitions."

_Coming next: Science Fair_


	8. Chapter 08 The Mitochondrial Examination

The Expansion Paradigm

Chapter 08, The Mitochondrial Examination

Dr. Heller, professor of chemistry at MIT, and Ms. Needham, chief administrator for Boston General Hospital, walked into the school cafeteria.

"Welcome to the Excelsior Academy's annual science fair," Principal Herndon said. "The students are excited to have such prestigious judges for their projects. If you'll follow me, I'll take you to the displays."

Ms. Hahn approached her student, who was explaining his model of the DNA molecule to his physical education teacher and her husband.

"Mitchell," Ms. Hahn said, "Dr. Heller and Ms. Needham, the judges, are making their way around. That's them," pointing. "Are you ready?"

Mitchell took a deep breath and said, "I'm ready."

Dr. Heller walked over to the display as Mitchell was describing the chart he had made describing recessive genetic transmission to several older students. He stood listening for a few moments.

"That is an impressive display," Dr. Heller said. "How did you build the model of the DNA molecule?"

"My dad took me to the craft store, and I was able to get a bunch of Styrofoam balls. I used pipe cleaners and Popsicle sticks to connect them. I didn't know you could buy Popsicle sticks. I saw a DNA model at Discovery Place, and my dad took pictures of it with his phone. I also downloaded a drawing of DNA off a website."

"Did you make this model yourself?" Ms. Needham asked. "This looks as if you might have had some help."

"No, I did it all myself. My mom or my dad watched me while I made holes in the balls with the hot ice pick because I was heating it with a candle, but I did it myself."

"Still," Ms. Needham said, "This project looks advanced for a second grade student."

"Young man, Michael is it?" the woman standing behind Mitchell said, "I see that your chart talks about mitochondria and genealogy. What are mitochondria, and why are they important in genealogy?"

Ms. Needham turned to look at the woman. Her eyes became wide, and she gasped.

Mitchell, without turning around, said, "It's Mitchell, not Michael. Mitochondrial DNA comes from your mother. It is outside the nucleus and provides a link all the way back on your maternal line to your oldest maternal ancestor who had that particular mitochondrial mutation that you carry. There are seven basic mitochondrial mutations, although geneticists have identified a number of subgroups. They. . . Aunt Penny!" Mitchell shrieked.

Mitchell turned and threw himself at Penny. "What are you doing here?"

"Hey, sweetie," Penny said, kneeling to wrap Mitchell in a big hug. She kissed him on the cheek and said, "Your Uncle Leonard and I wanted to come see your science fair project."

"Hey, buddy," Leonard said, taking his turn hugging Mitchell.

"Dr. Hofstadter, Mrs. Hofstadter," Dr. Heller said, "It's an honor to meet both of you. I have to watch your show every Wednesday because my granddaughter always calls to talk with me about it after the show. You know this fine young man?"

"Mitchell's mom is my big sister," Leonard said. "Did I hear that you had a question about whether he did this project himself?"

"Well, I did," Ms. Needham said, "That is, I did until I knew the family he comes from. If he's your nephew, I'm sure he is bright enough that he did all the research himself. I understand there's talk of the Nobel Prize for your work with the Cern Super Collider."

"Oh, I'm sure Mitchell wouldn't want you to give him a pass just because he's my nephew," Leonard said, winking at Mitchell. "If you're not sure, you need to be sure, and not just because he's my nephew. If I were you, I would make sure he knows about his project. Hey, Mitchell: I see a chart here about dominant and recessive genes. Could you explain it?"

Mitchell noted that there was a man wearing a National Geographic Channel vest with a TV camera pointed at him. He also took note of the tiny microphone Leonard had clipped to his shirt. He cleared his throat and said, "We get half of our genes from our father and half from our mother. For dominant genes, if you get a gene from even one of your parents, you will have the characteristic. For example, Uncle Leonard here tastes saccharin as being extremely bitter. That is a dominant genetic characteristic, so he got the gene from at least one of my grandparents. Aunt Penny here tastes saccharin as being sweet, so she didn't get the gene from either parent. When she and Uncle Leonard have children, the children only have to get the gene from one of them to taste saccharin as bitter. Aunt Penny has unattached earlobes, which most people have, which is a dominant genetic trait, and Uncle Leonard has attached earlobes because neither of his parents gave him the dominant unattached earlobe gene. If attached earlobes were a recessive trait, their children would have to get the recessive gene from both Aunt Penny and Uncle Leonard to have unattached earlobes."

"Mitchell," Ms. Needham said, "Since I'm African-American, I'm sure that you can tell that from my DNA. How would you do that?"

"I'm sorry to tell you, Ms. Needham," Mitchell said, "but there is no genetic marker for race. There was some speculation a few years ago that the P20 marker differentiates people of African descent from other groups, but that turned out to be hokum."

"That's enough for me," Ms. Needham said. "I'm convinced you did this project yourself."

"Ms. Needham, Dr. Heller," Ms. Hahn said, "I can vouch for Mitchell. He did most of the work in class when I would give the students time to work on their projects, and his parents assure me that he did the rest at home by himself. He found Rosalind Franklin's picture of the DNA molecule on the internet and printed it out on our classroom printer. He designed the graphics himself and even developed a PowerPoint presentation."

Mitchell turned and hugged Penny again. She squeezed him and said, "I love you, big guy. I was already proud of you, but I'm even more proud of you."

Mitchell turned to Leonard and mouthed, "Thank you!"

By now, many children and adults crowded around Penny and Leonard.

"Dr. And Mrs. Hofstadter," Dr. Hernden, Mitchell's principal, said, "Welcome to the Excelsior Academy. Everyone is excited that you're here." She turned to the people gathered around and said, "Dr. And Mrs. Hofstadter called me a few days ago and arranged to be here to cover the science fair for their show and just maybe have some of the boys and girls. That's why we sent home releases for the parents to sign that would permit your children to be on video and have these people with cameras walk around and take your pictures."

"We're taking a lot of footage," Leonard told the crowd. "What we don't have on the show, we're going to have a link to an edited copy of on our show's website after the episode airs. We'll let Principal Hernden know when the episode is going to air so she can tell all the teachers. In the mean time, that young lady over there [pointing] has _Science and Technology Week_ T-shirts and ball caps for everyone who is participating in the science fair."

"Penny! Penny! Penny!" some of the older students were chanting. "It's Penny and the brain, Penny and the brain!" they sang.

Penny and Leonard walked around looking at the various displays and asking students questions on camera, followed by an entourage of onlookers. Each time, their assistant took down the children's names. They posed for pictures with students, parents, and teachers.

Penny walked over to Janice, who was holding Molly, who was wearing her toddler-size _Science and Technology Week_ T-Shirt, and took her three-year-old niece.

"Goodness, gracious, you're heavy," Penny said. Molly held Penny around the neck with one arm and held a handful of her hair with the other hand.

"Janice, Molly, thank you again for meeting us at the airport," Penny said.

""You have no idea how hard it was keeping your visit a secret from Linda and Mitchell," Janice said.

"This is my Aunt Penny," Molly told another little girl who was watching. "She gave me this shirt."

Penny carried Molly around as she and Leonard asked students about their projects. Mitchell joined them.

"This one is neat," Mitchell said, pointing to one project in which Gerald had made a rocket ship from a water bottle full of vinegar into which he released baking soda. It shot across the floor.

"Aunt Penny! Uncle Leonard!" Linda said, running across the cafeteria to hug Penny with her teacher following behind her.

"Hey, sweetie," Penny said, stooping down to hug Linda. "Hi. I'm Penny, Linda's aunt," she said, reaching up to shake hands with the teacher.

"Hey, horse girl," Leonard said, caressing Linda's face. "Midnight says hi."

"Aunt Penny: Your tummy's getting big," Linda said, patting Penny's stomach. She turned to a boy who was standing next to them, pointed to Penny's baby bump, and said, "There's a baby in there."

"Duh," the boy said.

Leonard turned to Penny and said, "Oops. I guess the cat's out of the bag."

"Aunt Penny's going to have a little girl," Molly said.

"We don't know that for sure," Janice said.

"I wished for a girl. It's going to be a girl," Molly said.

"Well, Penny," Janice laughed. "I guess you are going to have to have a girl."

"I do my best," Penny said, kissing Molly on the cheek.

#

"Congratulations again to our man of the hour," Michael said as Mitchell sat with his first place trophy at the Pizza Castle. "Mitchell, I always knew you had it in you. Now you get to go to the state competition."

"Mitchell, did you know that your Uncle Michael won his first science fair?" Al said as he bounced Randi. Randi was chewing on her dad's thumb.

"Mitchell, you looked so handsome in the pictures I saw," Rachel said.

"I don't like wearing ties, Grandmama Rachel," Mitchell said.

Linda and Molly sat with Penny looking at pictures on her iPad. "Show us Midnight again," Linda said.

"Sure, sweetie, but these are the same pictures I already sent you," Penny said.

"But we haven't seen them with you," Linda said. "He's so pretty."

"So pretty," Molly said.

"What kind of horsie is Midnight?" Linda asked. "I've been reading about horsies."

"He's an Arabian," Penny said. "You see how his tail curves up before it goes down? He would have been very expensive if I had to buy him, but the person who owned my Daddy's new ranch gave him to me."

"Why?" Linda asked.

"He was so mean, no one could do anything with him," Penny said. "Somehow, he likes me, and he's always a sweet boy with me."

"He hates my tofu-eating guts," Leonard said. "He tolerates me when Penny's around, as long as I don't touch him. We have several college students who come help out in the stables, and only one of them, Karen, is a girl, and she is blonde like your aunt Penny. He tolerates her, but he doesn't the boys."

"Aunt Penny," Linda asked, "Did that grasshopper man you tied up come with you?"

"Sheldon? No, he's back home in Pasadena," Penny said.

"Penny, Leonard, it's 6:20 p.m.," Renee said. "Congratulations on being married exactly one year."

"Wow," Leonard said, as he and Penny kissed. "It doesn't seem as if we were married one year ago today." He smiled as he looked at Penny. "Over six years after I met you, you're still the most beautiful human being I've ever known."

"Aunt Penny, why are you wearing the wig and those glasses?" Linda asked.

"When I go out in public, I have to wear a disguise so people don't bother us so much," Penny said. "I used to wear bright red lipstick with the disguise, but, since my ads for Back Door Cosmetics has me with bright red lipstick, I didn't think that would be much of a disguise now."

"Penny? Dr. Hofstadter?" the young mother with the two children peeping out from behind her, said. "I'm sorry to bother you. This is Caleb and Emma. They're too bashful to approach you, but they're big fans. We watch your science show every Wednesday. They're a little young to watch _Nerds_, but they've seen clips. They were really excited when you were in the tunnel with the bats and walked behind the waterfall that was in _Last of the Mohicans_."

Penny hugged both children and talked with them. She showed them some pictures from upcoming episodes of _Science and Technology Week_ on her iPad. With Molly sitting in her lap holding her iPad, she had Rachel take pictures of the two children and their mother with her and Leonard with their mom's phone. "This is Aunt Penny's horsie," Molly said, showing Caleb a picture of Midnight.

"Molly, you're getting good with the iPad," Penny said.

#

Penny snuggled close to Leonard under the blankets. "I love snuggling with you. You're so warm. When we were apart, just lying here holding each other was something I missed every night."

Leonard said, "You know what? I had a pillow I kept that you used. After we were apart, I cuddled it every night, and, sometimes, I dreamed it was you. And now we're married. I can't believe you and I have been married a year. It seems like just yesterday that we had our wedding. I love you with all my soul."

"Leonard, I can't believe I ever dreaded committing to you, much less getting married," Penny said. "It's wonderful. It feels so-I don't want this to come out wrong-It feels so comfortable, as if this is how it was always supposed to be, like putting on your favorite old football jersey and your fuzzy slippers. You never had second thoughts, did you?"

"Never. Penny, I knew the day I met you that you were the most amazing person I would ever meet. No, I've never had a second thought."

Stomp, stomp, stomp.

Linda slid into bed. "Aunt Penny, let's snuggle," she said.

"Well you'd better cover up. It's cold. Goodness! Your feet are like little icicles," Penny said.

Stomp, stomp, stomp.

Molly suddenly stopped, crept to the bottom of the bed, raised the sheet and the blankets, and started crawling up between Leonard and Penny.

"You know, Leonard, I think this house has bed rats," Penny said, making a show of swatting the blankets near the lump as if she was trying to hit it.

"No," Leonard said, "I think it's a lumpus."

"What's the difference?"

"A lumpus is bigger than a bed rat," Leonard said.

A muffled giggle came from under the blankets.

"See, there's the giveaway," Leonard said. "Bed rats don't giggle, but lumpuses do. I'm 1/16th Cherokee, so I know these things. I'll bet we have a Ring-Tailed North American Lumpus."

Leonard reached down and pulled Molly up between him and Penny. "Gotcha! Look what I caught," he said. "A varmint. Let's stomp it and throw it out the window."

Molly giggled and hugged Leonard around the neck. "Did I surprise you?"

"You sure did," Leonard said, squeezing her.

Molly snuggled in between Leonard and Penny.

"Aunt Penny," Linda said, "Has your doctor made a movie of your baby? Mommy has movies of Mitchell, Molly, and me when we were in her tummy. Molly sucked her thumb."

"Not yet," Penny said. "My doctor had a baby and hasn't come back to work yet, but someone at her practice will do that in about another six to eight weeks if she hasn't come back to work when it's time."

"Will you send me the movie of your little girl?"

"Sure, sweetie."

Penny kissed the top of Linda's head.

#

Jason walked into the bedroom carrying Amy's bag. "I'm thrilled you decided to take me up on my invitation to visit the farm. You ought to be comfortable here in Penny's room," he said. "Dad hasn't changed the room since Penny moved to Los Angeles. Gina had her own room, so the room has just sat here."

Amy looked around. "Just think," she said. "I'm staying in the room where my BFF grew up, sleeping in the same bed. It's like a shrine." She looked at the pictures of young people in sports uniforms and of a young Penny in cheerleading outfits leaping into the air. There was a poster of Fleetwood Mac next to a poster of Stevie Nicks and Junior Rodeo and 4-H trophies and a picture of Penny in a bridesmaid dress at a wedding.

"Penny is a bit young to be a Fleetwood Mac and Stevie Nicks fan, isn't she?" Amy asked.

"They were our mom's favorite," Jason said. "Penny grew up hearing them all the time. She loves James Taylor too. Our dad played a couple of dates with James Taylor."

"I'm going to enjoy staying in this room," Amy said.

"I still wish you would stay in my room."

"Jason, I think that would be an invitation to something I'm not prepared to do," Amy said. "This is amazing. I am breathing the same air my best friend breathed."

Amy opened one of the drawers and started putting the contents of her suitcase in it. "What is this?" she said, bringing a plastic bag with something that looked like potpourri out of the drawer."

"Wow!" Jason said. "I wondered what happened to that. I put it in here right after Penny left so Dad wouldn't find it, and I forgot what I did with it." He smelled it. "Vintage."

Jason took the bag and left the room. He came back a few moments later and said, "Why don't I give you the grand tour?" He took Amy by the hand and gave her a quick tour of the farm.

"Which of the horses over there is Penny's horse Buttercup?" Amy asked.

"I'll show you."

Jason walked Amy down to the big water oak to where a large gray horse lay in the shade.

"Hi, Buttercup," he said.

Amy rubbed Buttercup's nose bridge the way she had seen Penny pet Midnight. "Hi, Buttercup. I'm Penny's BFF Amy."

Buttercup flicked her ears.

Later, in her sleep, Amy snuggled under the sheet cuddling one of Penny's pillows. She kissed the pillow.

Jason opened the door to Penny's room and walked next to the bed.

"Hey, Amy," Jason said, shaking her. "It's just before six. CBS This Morning will be on in five minutes. I made you breakfast. We can eat in the den while we're waiting for Leonard and Penny."

Amy came into the den wearing Penny's old University of Nebraska football jersey and a pair of her pajama bottoms and Penny's old Hello Kitty slippers. Jason had a large plate with scrambled eggs on it sitting on the coffee table. "Here's the bacon," he said, bringing a plate with bacon and toast on it. He had a pitcher of apple juice. "Coffee's ready. I didn't know how you like it, so I thought you could fix it the way you want it."

"I like my coffee the way I like my men," Amy said.

"Black?" Jason asked, strangling on his coffee.

"No, with three Splendas and milk or half-and-half."

"Huh? Uh, OK, then," Jason said, looking puzzled.

"It was sweet of you to get up and fix me breakfast," Amy said.

"Actually," Jason said, "I've been up for a while. I've already helped Jay hook up the cows to the milking machines, fed the chickens, and made sure the sheep have enough to eat. We start early on the farm."

#

A few minutes later, Norah O'Donnell teased the spot with Leonard and Penny as the camera showed them sitting on the couch where the interview would take place. Penny was wearing a baggy jacket that hid her baby bump. Leonard sat with his arm around Penny, and Penny smiled and waved at the camera. Norah said, "When we return from local news and weather, our favorite couple is here two days after their one-year wedding anniversary with a huge announcement."

When the show returned from local news and weather, Norah was sitting chatting with Leonard and Penny.

Norah said. "It was just over a year ago when we met Penny Hofstadter after she was the victim of a terrible home invasion. She took the country by storm and quickly became America's Sweetheart. Now she is a member of the CBS family, starring in the top new CBS comedy _Nerds_, on which Leonard is the technical adviser, and she and Leonard have their own weekly show, _Science and Technology Week_, on the National Geographic Channel. Penny has a recurring role on _Castle_ as Richard Castle's mother Martha in her 20s. Her new movie, _The Sixth Element_, is scheduled to premiere Memorial Day weekend, and _Serenity Two_, the latest movie in the Firefly series, will premiere later this summer. She is currently in production for _Rush Hour Four_, coordinating shooting for that at the same time as for _Nerds_. Most recently, Penny was named to the role of Janet Van Dyne, the Winsome Wasp, in _Iron Man Four_ and _the Avengers II_. Leonard, who was named the National Science Foundation Scientist of the Year for 2013, continues as a tenured professor of experimental physics at the California Institute of Technology, and there is talk of his team winning the Nobel Prize for their work with the Cern Super Collider. I hear, though, Penny, Leonard, that the two of you have a new production you wanted to announce here today."

Penny removed the jacket, revealing her baby bump. "Norah, Leonard and I couldn't think of anywhere we would rather come to announce that I am 12 weeks pregnant."

The crew and the other show members applauded, and pink and blue balloons fell from the ceiling.

Norah said, "Penny, I know that there have been rumors for a bit now that you were carrying a baby. Why did you wait so long to make an announcement?"

Penny said, "It's difficult coming to grips with the realization that people want to know about our lives. I mean, a little over a year ago, I was a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory going on every audition I could, and my claim to fame was a production of _Ann Frank_ over a bowling alley, a one-night performance of _Rent_, and a national Preparation-H commercial. Leonard was a physics professor, and, now, people want to follow everything that's happening with our lives. Besides, where I'm from in Omaha, it's customary there not to make a big fuss until the end of the first trimester. That's where we are now."

"When's the due date?" Norah asked.

"September 1, give or take," Leonard said.

"I understand," Norah said, "that you found out Penny was pregnant on a special day."

"We found out on Christmas Day," Leonard said. "We were visiting my family in Boston, and Penny started having morning sickness. My sister and her husband are doctors, and they insisted she take a test, and it was positive."

"What did you do?" Norah asked.

"He fainted," Penny said.

"Really?"

"Really. How many times was it, Leonard?" Penny said.

"I'm not sure," Leonard said.

"I threw up in his car and sent him out in the middle of the night for watermelon, brownies, and onion rings," Penny said. "Leonard's the best."

"So, Penny," Norah said, "I understand that you are going to continue shooting _Nerds_. Your character Katie is a model who is on the verge of being a super model. How is the show going to handle your pregnancy?"

"Right now, I'm not showing that much," Penny said. "With the right wardrobe and the right camera angles, you can't tell. We only have four more weeks of shooting for this season when we return, and we just learned that we have been renewed for three more seasons. By the time we resume shooting in August, they're going to use creative staging, and they're thinking about having Katie Skype while I'm recovering from giving birth because Katie may be on location. We'll probably show a couple of new episodes in September, then do a few reruns until I can return. We're going to shoot all 24 episodes, we just might have to get creative with our schedule. They're going to shoot as many of my spots as they can this summer as we bring back some of the cast, and they have some with Katie alone."

Norah said, "Before we go, I understand that you two are here in New York for a special reason."

"Leonard is chairperson for the Hofstadter Foundation, which supports a number of worthy causes. He has to come here several times a year to chair their meetings. He'll meet with them later this morning. He has family in the Boston area, so we came up two days early to see our nieces and nephew and Leonard's new baby sister, since _Nerds_ is taking a one-week hiatus."

Norah thanked Penny and Leonard for coming. As the show went to commercial, she chatted with them and arranged to meet them for dinner at Mama Fabrizio's restaurant.

#

"Jason," Amy said, back in Omaha. "What's on the agenda?"

"We could go into my room and get to know each other a little better," Jason said.

"Jason, I haven't seen you in a month and a half. I'm not ready for that. Why don't we get reacquainted?"

Jason moved next to Amy, put his arm around her, and said, "You know, Amy, I could rock your world. I could show you a part of the human experience you never knew existed." He turned her face toward his and kissed her on the lips.

"Hoo," Amy said.

Just then, Amy's cell phone rang.

"Hi, Amy," Penny said. "Leonard and I are in the car on the way to breakfast before he has to attend the Hofstadter Foundation meeting. Did you make it to Omaha all right? Did you see us on _CBS This Morning_?"

Amy put the phone on speaker. "Yes to both," she said. "I'm here with Jason."

"Hi, sis," Jason said.

"What are the two of you doing?" Penny asked.

"We were osculating," Amy stammered.

"Osculating?!" Penny said.

"I wasn't osculating her," Jason said. "I was hoping it would lead to that, but I was just kissing her."

"Jason," Penny said, "Osculating is just kissing, you moron." She turned to Leonard and said, "Osculating is just kissing, right?"

"Right."

"Jason," Penny said, "Amy is my friend."

"I wasn't doing anything," Jason said.

"Jason," Penny said. "Amy is an intelligent, sensitive woman. She's not one of your little air-head bimbi. You will treat her with dignity and respect, or so help me, I'll come all the way to Omaha and explain things to you. Do you remember 'Happy Birthday?'"

"Not 'Happy Birthday,'" Jason said.

"Happy Birthday," Penny said.

"What's 'Happy Birthday'?" Amy asked.

Jason crossed his knees, grabbed his crotch with one hand and his throat with the other, and said, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Treat her right, Jason." Penny said.

"Yes, ma'am," Jason said.

"I met Buttercup," Amy said.

"How is my baby?" Penny asked.

"She's bigger than I pictured," Amy said. "She seemed sweet, not like Midnight."

"She is a sweetie pie," Penny said. "I need to come to Omaha and see her."

"What are your plans?" Amy asked.

"Leonard and I are going to try one more time to have lunch with his mom after he meets with the foundation," Penny said. "We're supposed to fly out tomorrow morning."

"I think I'm going to start drinking heavily now to prepare for lunch with my mother," Leonard said.

#

"That's where Penny, Gina, and I went to high school," Jason said as he and Amy drove down Sam Wilson Road.

"Jason," Amy said, "I enjoyed eating at the Beef Pit. I've never been to a restaurant where they have buckets of roasted peanuts at the table and you get to throw the shells on the floor."

"I worked there when I was in high school. To tell you a secret, people walking on the shells buffs the floor. At the end of every shift, they sweep up the shells and toss them. You don't have to use the buffer."

"Were you popular in high school?" Amy asked. "We must have had 30 people come up to you and speak."

"I was quarterback on the football team," Jason said.

"I'll bet you dated the head cheerleader," Amy said.

"No, Penny was our head cheerleader," Jason said.

"What about your senior year? Penny's a year older than you are, so you would have had a year after she graduated."

"My cousin Sherry was the head cheerleader my senior year."

Jason drove Amy back toward the farm.

Amy and Jason held hands as they walked from the driveway and stepped up onto the front porch. As they opened the door and started into the den, Jason turned Amy and kissed her. They stood in the doorway embracing.

"Let's go to your bedroom," Amy said.

"Really?"

"Really."

Amy took Jason's hand and led him across the den and down the hall to the master bedroom.

"This used to be my parents' room," Jason said. "It's mine now that I own the farm."

Jason turned the knob, and he and Amy walked into the room.

#

_Next: The Wrath of Blonde._

_#_

_Author's Note: I have to give a huge shout-out to the person who writes under the name 'pfps' for taking the time to give me some extremely valuable feedback about this story. I was deciding among several directions for one of the characters, and pfps' suggestions helped me confirm which way I wanted to go._


	9. Chapter 09, The Wrath of Blonde

The Expansion Paradigm

Chapter 09 The Wrath of Blonde

"Turn right at the next light," Penny said as Leonard drove the rental car down Sam Wilson Road.

"The GPS says to go straight," Leonard said.

"Sweetie, I grew up here. If you go straight, that's going to put us in front of the fertilizer plant, and we'll have to sit there while the shifts change. Trust me: Turn right."

Leonard turned right onto Mills Bridge Road. About a mile later, Penny told him to take the left fork to Dairy Road.

"I wonder why Jason and Amy aren't answering their phones," Penny said. "I hate to drop in on them unannounced. Turn right into the next driveway."

Leonard turned right and drove under the Three Pines Farm & Dairy sign. They drove down the long dirt drive to the house.

"They must be out. Jason's car's not here," Penny said. "Not to worry, I know where the key is."

Penny went to a flower pot on the front porch, tilted it, reached under it, and pulled out a house key. She started to put it into the lock on the door, but the door swung open.

"That's weird," she said. "Jason!" Penny yelled as she and Leonard walked into the den. "Jason! Amy! It's Leonard and Penny! Is anyone here?"

A man's voice coming from Penny's parents' bedroom yelled "Crap!" Leonard and Penny could hear the sound of bodies tumbling over each other.

"Oh, no, he did not!" Penny said as she slammed the front door and charged to the master bedroom door. She opened the door and said, "Jason, I'm going to put my foot up your. . . . Sharon! What are you doing here? Jason, where's Amy?"

"Sis, at least let me get some pants on," Jason said. "I'll explain in a moment. Just please go out into the den."

"No, I want to know where Amy is. What are you doing here with Mom's best friend? Hi, Sharon."

"Hi, Penny. Why don't you tell her, Jason," the woman said.

"Uh," Jason said.

"Jason and I have been seeing each other since just after Wyatt went out to Los Angeles when you were attacked," she said. "We're planning on getting married this spring. I've been living here for almost a year."

"We're planning to what this spring?" Jason said.

"Then why did you lead Amy to believe you were interested in her?" Penny said. "Why did you try to get her into bed?"

"Amy: That's the girl who walked into the room with you and turned around and ran out crying?" Sharon said. "You told me she was one of Penny's friends and she just stopped in to say hello."

"Uh," Jason said.

Sharon got up, wrapped herself in a sheet, and stomped out of the room mumbling something about wire cutters and male primary sex organs. There was a cocking sound.

"Holy crap on a cracker," Penny said. "Take cover!" She dove between the bed and the wall. Leonard looked around and hid behind a chair as Sharon came back through the door and discharged a shotgun in Jason's direction, blowing a softball-size hole in the wall. The discharge knocked her backward and caused her to drop the sheet she was using to cover herself.

"Sharon! Please!" Jason said as he ran out of the room naked.

"I hope you enjoyed your man parts, because I'm going to shoot 'em off!" Sharon said, running after him. "Here comes the other barrel."

"Boom!"

Jason screamed.

Penny jumped up from behind the bed and ran out into the hall, where she wrestled the shotgun away from a naked Sharon.

"Leonard, please go check on Jason," Penny said. "Call 911 if he's hurt."

"Sharon, tell me what happened," Penny said.

"I'm going to kill the #$%!" Sharon said.

"Sharon," Penny said, "Calm down and talk to me."

"I had to go to Lincoln for my cousin's wedding," Sharon said. "They eloped, so they called off the wedding. I thought I was going to be gone until Sunday. I came back early to surprise Jason. He wasn't here when I got here, so I used my key and thought I would surprise him here in the bed naked. He told me that girl with him wasn't anybody, just someone you knew and he was being nice to her. She asked who I am, and I said I'm his fiancee and that we live together. That's when she ran crying from the room."

Leonard peeped around the door facing. "She didn't hit Jason. He accidentally kicked the coffee table in the den running away from her. He's cowering naked on the front porch behind the glider. If you'll tell me where you keep the sheets, I'll get him a blanket."

"I'm going to shoot him. Give me the gun!" Sharon said.

"No way," Penny said.

Sharon marched into Penny's old room, picked up an aluminum bat, and stormed out onto the front porch naked. She began swinging the bat as Jason crawled under the glider. She demolished a planter and dented the glider before Jason dove off the side of the porch.

"What is it with you women and bats?" Leonard asked.

"Yow! Yow!" Jason said as he landed in the sticker bushes.

Penny walked up behind Sharon and handed her the sheet she had dropped. The last they saw of Jason, he was running naked and barefoot through the cow pasture.

"Goodness, we're white," she said. "Jason's butt looks like two light bulbs. Let's hope Jason had enough sense to put the bull in the pen. Sharon, Amy is my friend, and, from what you said, she's upset. Where did she go?"

"I have no idea," Sharon said. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm pretty damned upset too!"

Penny dialed Amy's phone again. A cell phone rang on the coffee table. Penny picked up Amy's iPhone. There was a picture of Penny from her Back Door Cosmetics Penny Collection ad with the words "My BFF" under the picture for Penny's caller ID. Someone had PhotoShopped an image of Amy with her arm around Penny's shoulder into the picture.

"Sharon, where's your car?" Penny asked.

"When I saw that Jason's car was gone, I parked it in the back so I could surprise him," Sharon said.

"Amy must have taken Jason's car. How did she get the keys?"

"Jason has developed a bad habit of throwing the keys on the bookshelf as he comes into the house," Sharon said.

"We have an upset Amy out there with no phone," Penny said. She went to her old room and found Amy's things there. "I don't know what Amy has with her. I don't see her pocketbook. Maybe she at least has charge cards."

Penny dialed her phone. "Hey, Bernadette. I'm here outside of Omaha in Ralston. Leonard and I stopped by to check on Amy and to see my horse Buttercup. Amy left before we got here, and she was upset. [Pause] No, we don't know if she's on the way to the airport or she's just driving around. I'll explain more later. I'm going to get Leonard to go back to the airport and look for her while I wait here in case she comes back. If you hear from her, could you let me know? Please have Sheldon, Howard, and Raj be on the lookout for her. I'll call my Daddy and Patti. [Pause] Thanks, Bernadette."

#

Penny pulled Sharon's car behind Cooter's mobile home. She got out of the car, walked up the cement block steps to the door, and knocked.

"Cooter, it's Penny. Jason, I know you're in there."

Cooter came out and stood on the cement block steps in his underwear holding a bottle of beer. "Hey, Penny. Jason ain't here," Cooter said.

"Bull," Penny said, shoving Cooter aside and walking into the trailer.

"I like the way you look now," Cooter said as he scratched his buttocks and belched. "Sexy. Can you introduce me to Scarlet Johansson?"

Penny found Jason hiding in the toilet wearing a pair of Cooter's sweatpants and a Teens for Abstinence sweatshirt.

"Hi, Sis," Jason said. "What are you doing here?"

"Jason, I'm in no mood," Penny said. "I told you Amy's my friend, and you hurt her. She's inexperienced. She doesn't know how it is to be used and spit out-at least, she didn't until now. She's a virgin, for Pete's sake! Where is she?"

"I have no idea, I swear."

"Your swearing doesn't mean anything to me," Penny said. "This isn't over. You had better not report your car as stolen or, so help me, you'll regret the day you were born." Penny turned to walk away.

"Serve her right," Jason mumbled.

"What was that?" Penny said, turning back to Jason.

"I didn't say nothing." Jason looked thoughtful for a moment and said, "Amy's really a virgin? Seriously?"

Cooter took another beer from the refrigerator. "Hey, Penny, you want a beer?"

The mail carrier put the handful of junk mail and overdue bill notices into Cooter's mailbox as two sets of screams came from the mobile home.

Cooter knelt on the floor in the kitchen, and Jason knelt on the floor in the hallway. Both were grasping their groins and their throats.

Penny stood between them. She looked from Jason to Cooter and back to Jason and said, "Man, that hurts, don't it?"

Jason croaked, "Sorry, sis."

Cooter wept as he grasped himself and said, "Why'd you do that? What did I do?"

"You tried to hide Jason from me, that's what you did. That makes you an accessory. I did you a favor. As soon as I left, you would tell Jason 'I wish she had tried to do that to me.' I just gave you your wish. Tell your mama I said hey, by the way. I hope the swelling in her feet goes down."

"Hey, Penny," the mail carrier said as Penny stomped down the steps carrying a 12-pack of beer. "It's good to see you."

"Hey, Luther," Penny said. "It's good to see you too. Tell Hilda Mae I said hello." She threw the box of beer she was carrying on the ground and smashed it with a cement block she took from the steps. She smashed it again a couple of times for good measure. She got into Sharon's old Saturn and drove back out onto the highway.

Inside the trailer, Cooter cried, "It hurts, Jason. Make it stop."

"What do you expect me to do?" Jason moaned.

"That sister of yours is purdy, but she's mean as a snake."

"Tell me about it."

"She was hot when she lived here, but she's even hotter now."

"That's my sister, you moron."

"I know. I'm just saying."

"I think she pays people to make her look like that."

"Worth every nickel. I meant it when I asked if she can introduce me to Scarlett Johansson. You think she'll introduce us? You think I have a chance with her?"

Penny returned to the house. Sharon was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a glass of buttermilk.

"Did you find her?" she asked.

"No," Penny said.

"How about that scumbag brother of yours?"

"Sharon, Jason's a known quantity. You had to know what you were getting into."

"I guess," Sharon said. "But I'm 10 years older than he is, and I've already served jail time for shooting my ex-husband in the knees. I didn't think he would mess with me."

"The boy's dumb as a stump," Penny said. "Narrow between the eyes. He lets Little Jason do all his thinking for him. Don't you know that?"

"I guess."

#

At that moment, Amy was sitting in a diner in Lincoln. She had dumped everything out of her pocketbook.

"Miss, here's your coffee. Are you ready to order?" the waitress said.

"Just coffee. Thank you," Amy said.

"What's wrong? You look as if you've lost something."

"I think I left my cell iPhone back in Omaha," Amy said.

"Maybe the people you left it with will find it and send it to you," the waitress said.

"Maybe," Amy said.

#

Penny sat under the tree with Buttercup's head in her lap brushing her mane.

"That's my sweet girl," she said.

Buttercup nuzzled Penny. "I wish I could take you to Pasadena with me," Penny said. "I know you're happier here with all your friends and your favorite spot under the tree than you would be there."

"Hi, Penny. Who's your friend?" Leonard said as he walked across the pasture and up to the water oak.

"Leonard, this is Buttercup," Penny said.

"Hi, Buttercup," Leonard said. "Will she let me scratch her nose?"

"Yes, Buttercup isn't like Midnight. She's a sweetie pie, aren't you, girl?"

Leonard scratched the bridge of Buttercup's nose.

"I got security to help me at the airport," Leonard said. "Amy's not there. They're going to call me if she shows up. I called JaQuan, and he made some calls to the authorities here and in the general area. We don't want to report that Amy took Jason's car without permission. I just said she borrowed it. JaQuan speculated that she is either out driving or she drove the car somewhere like a train station or a bus station and ditched it. They're hoping the police find it. Did you find Jason?"

"Yeah, I found him. I don't think he'll be back here for a while. He knows he's in my doghouse, and he knows Sharon's going to neuter him if she catches up with him."

"Poor Amy."

"You're right. Poor Amy. Leonard, I really hurt for her. I tried to tell her about Jason, but he gave her a lot of attention that Sheldon refuses to give her, so I think that blinded her to what he is."

"At least Jason kept Buttercup," Leonard said.

"No," Penny said. "I transfer funds for Buttercup's care every month to Jason's account, and I have arranged with the veterinarian to bill me directly for all of Buttercup's veterinary needs. Nothing had better happen to her as long as I'm alive."

"What do you think Jason's going to do?" Leonard asked.

"I think he'll lay low for a few days with Cooter," Penny said.

"Penny, I think we need to bring Buttercup to Pasadena. I just don't trust Jason. I'll pay to have her transported out there."

"Let's think about it," Penny said. "If we do, we'll probably have to be careful. I don't know how Midnight will take it if I pay her attention in front of him. I'll have to talk to the vet and see if she thinks she could make the trip."

#

Amy looked at the blue light flashing in her rearview mirror. "Oh, no," she said. She pulled the car to the side of the road. She kept her hands on the steering wheel as Corporal Shaterra Rice approached the driver's side. Amy pressed the button and rolled down the window.

"Good evening, officer," Amy said.

"License, insurance, and registration please," Corporal Rice said.

"Yes ma'am," Amy said. She leaned over and opened the glove compartment. She dug through all the contents until she found Jason's registration. She continued going through the papers until she found the insurance card. She handed the documents to Corporal Rice.

"Just a moment, ma'am. Please stay where you are," Corporal Rice said. She walked back to her police cruiser. A couple of minutes later, she said, "Ma'am, you are not the registered owner of this car. Do you mind explaining?"

Amy began to cry.

"Ma'am, you don't have to cry. Just tell me why you're in possession of this car. I stopped you because you were driving erratically. Now I see that you're crying. Are you all right?"

"No, I'm not all right," Amy said.

"Tell me."

"There's this guy. . . ."

"There always is, honey. He did you dirt?"

"The worst."

"Did you shoot him?"

"No, I took his car and am driving it back to Los Angeles."

"How bad was what he did to you?"

"Bad."

"Tell you what, girlfriend. Get off the interstate. Take the next exit to the left and stay on Highway 6 for the next 60 miles and then get back on the interstate. You'll see signs for Denver. Just stay off the interstate until then. If they're looking for the car, you're not as likely to get stopped on back roads."

"Thank you," Amy said.

"Girlfriend,"

"Yes, officer?"

"Next time cut something off."

#

Sheldon was sitting with a bowl of cream of wheat in his lap watching the DVD of _Harvey_ Leonard had loaned him.

"In what universe is this better than _Serenity_?" he said out loud. "Leonard is losing it now that he's having coitus on a regular basis. I can't believe he recommended this garbage."

Knock, knock, knock.

"Yes?" Sheldon said as he cracked open the door. "Oh, hello, Bernadette. If you're looking for Howard, he's not here."

"Sheldon, let me in," Bernadette said. "There's a problem. I need to talk to you and Raj."

Sheldon unfastened the security chain and opened the door. "Raj is out on a date with Alex. Please come in. May I offer you a hot beverage? Tea? Hot chocolate?"

"No, thank you," Bernadette said. "Sheldon, Amy's missing."

"She's not here."

"Sheldon, she went to Omaha to see Jason. All I know is she left there upset in his car. We don't know if she's just driving around or maybe she went to the airport or the train station."

"I hope she went to the train station," he said. "I like trains."

"Sheldon, focus," Bernadette said, snapping her fingers in his face. "The only reason Bernadette went to visit Jason is he was giving her the attention you don't. You're supposed to be her boyfriend, and you don't show her any affection."

"I'm not her boyfriend anymore. And I showed her affection," Sheldon said. "I let her choose the movie we would watch every other month when we had our date night when we were still seeing each other-which we're not now. If that isn't affection, given the influence Penny has had on Amy's movie choices, I don't know what is. All she wants to watch are romantic comedies with kissing and touching. If I see another movie with Sandra Bullock or Meg Ryan, I think my head will explode."

"Sheldon, Jason showed her physical affection," Bernadette said. "A woman likes to be held, to be kissed. She had to go to Jason for that because you don't give it to her. Now she's missing."

"I don't see what that has to do with me," Sheldon said. "I haven't spoken to her since New Year's Day. That's seven weeks."

"We need you to let us know if she contacts you," Bernadette said.

"All right, but I don't see why this is my problem," Sheldon said.

"I'll have Penny explain it to you," Bernadette said, turning and stomping out the door.

Sheldon stood there holding his throat.

"In less than 60 seconds," he said.

#

"Welcome to Ralston," Penny said as Leonard parked the rental car behind the library.

"Are you sure it's all right for us to park here?" Leonard said.

"Sure," Penny said. "If Benny gives you a ticket, I'll take it to Sheriff Hart, and he'll take care of it. Benny goes overboard sometimes. Sheriff Hart has to tear up tickets he issues all the time."

"Hello, Penny. It's good to see you," the elderly African-American woman with the walker wearing the turban said as Leonard and Penny turned the corner and started walking down Main Street. "How's your grandpa Bob?"

"He's fine, Miz Lidy," Penny said. "Everybody's getting ready to plant red clover soon so we can plow it in for green manure."

Ms. Lidy looked up and sniffed the air.

"You're right. I think it's just about red clover planting time. Pretty soon, the sheep and goats will start having their babies. I hope your grandpa Bob planted greens."

"He did, Miz Lidy."

"You tell your Daddy if he brings me some greens, I'll trade him some poke salad."

"I will, Ms. Lidy. Daddy loves your poke salad."

"You hurry on home now, Penny," Ms. Lidy said. "You don't want to be out with boys on a school night." She gave Leonard an appraising look and said, "Penny, don't go riding in cars with boys. A young lady needs to watch out for her reputation."

"I won't go riding in cars with boys," Penny said.

"Um hum," Ms. Lidy said, looking Leonard in the eye.

"It's good to see you, Miz Lidy."

"It's good to see you too, baby. Tell your daddy I'm going to make him a pan of cornbread with some of the cracklins he brought me yesterday."

Penny kissed Ms. Lidy on the cheek, hugged her, and said, "I will Miz Lidy. You take care of yourself. I'll be back here for my cousin Gayle's wedding, and I hope I see you. Ms. Lidy, how about my friend Leonard here and I take you home?"

"That's all right, baby, I'm going to the library. I'm meeting somebody."

"Are you sure, Ms. Lidy?"

"I'm sure, baby. You get on home now."

"Yes, ma'am."

Ms. Lidy continued on down Main Street.

"Penny, your Grandpa Bob has been dead since just after you were born," Leonard said. "And it's lunch time. I think she thinks it's just about dark."

"Leonard, Miz Lidy is a sweet old soul, one of the finest people you'll ever meet. If you look up the word _good _in the dictionary, they ought to have her picture next to the definition. She has Alzheimer's. She won't remember we talked 10 minutes from now. It just upsets her to argue with her, so everybody just tells her what she wants to hear. Miz Lidy goes to the car dealership at least once a week to make payments on her 1965 Plymouth Valiant even though she hasn't had a car in 30 years. She always pays cash, so Mr. Turner just takes it to her son, who puts it back into her pocketbook. Her son went to court and had them appoint him her guardian, so he takes care of all her bills and just gives her walking-around money. He watches after things so people don't take advantage of her. Hold on one minute."

"Hey, Bennie," Penny waved to the deputy who was driving past. He pulled his squad car to the side of the street. The officer leaned over and rolled down his passenger side window. "Hey, Penny," he said. "What are you doing in town?"

"I'm looking for someone. I've sent this picture to Sheriff Hart, but have you seen this woman?"

Penny showed the officer Amy's picture on her iPad.

"Can't say as I have."

Penny handed the officer a slip of paper. "Benny, this is the phone number to a man named JaQuan. If you see this woman, could you call the number?"

"Will do," Benny said.

"Benny, this is my husband."

"Leonard, Dr. Hofstadter, it's great to have you in Ralston. I watch you and Penny every Wednesday, and, Penny, I watch _Nerds_. Leonard, can you introduce me to Carl Sagan?"

"Uh, Benny, Carl Sagan's dead," Leonard said.

"Oh, no!" Benny said. "I'm so sorry to hear that. I liked the way he said 'Billyuns and billyuns'. My mama gave me the complete DVD series of _Cosmos_, and I must have watched the entire series 20 times."

"Benny, could you do me a favor?" Penny said. "I just talked to Ms. Lidy. She's more confused than usual. She's walking toward the library. Could you make sure she gets there? I would go after her, but she wants me home before dark."

"Sure, Penny. It's been rough for her since the doctor said she has Old Timer's Disease. I'll go check on her. Her grandson Tyrell works there at the library. She goes there every day he works and waits on him to get off work. But I'll go make sure she's OK."

"Thanks Benny. I thought Tyrell was in college. Did he drop out? He ought to be finished by now."

"Yeah, he finished, but they ain't no jobs here for what he studied."

"What did he study?" Penny asked.

"He went to school to learn how to run a farm. The farms here ain't hiring, and he's working at the library at the job he had in high school."

"That's a shame," Penny said. "I always liked Tyrell. He's like the rest of the family, a really fine person."

Leonard and Penny continued on down Main Street.

"Hey, Penny," Gill said at the Ralston Diner. "Dr. Hofstadter. It's good to see you, Penny. Dr. Hofstadter, welcome to Ralston."

"Thanks, Gill," Penny said. "We're looking for somebody. Have you seen this person?" She pulled out her iPad and showed Gill a picture of Amy smiling as she ate an ice cream cone.

"Can't say that I have," Gill said. "Hey: Why don't you and Dr. Hofstadter stay for lunch. If she gets hungry, she'll show up here. I named a sandwich after you. Cal'll take your picture, and we can hang it up on the wall here next to the one of Dale Earnhardt."

"Dale Earnhardt was here before he got killed?" Penny said.

"No, I just have his picture up there. I cut it out of a magazine. It sorta gives the place some class."

"Sure. Leonard, are you hungry?"

"Sure," Leonard said, "We can eat here, if that's what you want to do."

"You two sit wherever you want," Gill said. "Cal: Two Penny Specials. And bring your camera. We have two celebrities."

"What's on a Penny Special?" Penny asked.

"It's what I used to call a deviled egg sandwich," Gill said. "Except I put peas in it and added tomatoes, just the way you always liked it."

"Leonard, you have to have Clara's deviled egg. You won't get anything like it in LA."

"Look," Gill said, pointing to a blow-up of Penny from her Penny Collection ad that was hanging behind the cash register. "Could you autograph it for me?"

"Sure, Gill. I have some even better pictures I'll send you."

"That was very nice," Leonard said an hour later as he and Penny were walking down Main Street going into different places and showing people Amy's picture. "I'm going to have to learn how to make deviled eggs. You must have been popular in high school. I'm amazed at the number of people who came into the diner to speak to you and have stopped you on the street."

"Ralston's a small town," Penny said. "Everybody knows everybody."

Leonard opened the rental car. "We must have had 50 people come up to you," he said. "People don't treat you like a celebrity here, you're Penny from high school."

"That's the way we are here," Penny said. "You have no idea how great it is to be able to walk around like this without people following me."

"Too bad we didn't find Amy."

"I don't think she's here," Penny said. "I think she took off."

"That's not like Amy," Leonard said.

"I guess she's too hurt to come back to the house and get her things. We'll need to send them to her. Let's drive into Omaha to FedEx and ship her suitcase to our house so we can take it to her. Good thing we put it in the trunk. Before we do that, though, let's go make sure Ms. Lidy made it to the library."

They walked into the library. Penny came up on Ms. Lidy, who was seated at a long table reading _People Magazine_.

"Miz Lidy, are you all right?" Penny asked.

"Oh, hello, Penny. It's nice to see you. I don't think I've seen you since the weather turned cold. I just saw your Grandpa Bob going into the hardware store. He's just as handsome as he was the day I met him. I hope you're here studying and not out with boys on a school night."

"Actually, I came to check on you," Penny said. "I saw you here and thought I would come over and see if you need a ride home."

"No, baby, I'm fine. I'm supposed to meet somebody, I just can't remember who. Do you ever read this magazine? There's a girl on the front who looks just like you. She even has your first name, but they say her last name is Hopstepper or something like that. I wish young ladies wouldn't put on so much paint. She looks like one of those ladies of ill repute that hang out on the street corner in Omaha."

"She does look like me, doesn't she?" Penny said. "Miz Lidy, they doctor those pictures. I'll bet she wasn't really painted up that much."

Leonard looked at the picture and said, "She looks like one of those women of easy virtue."

Penny elbowed him in the ribs.

"Hi, Penny," a tall young man said as he walked up to them pushing a cart with books.

"Hey, Tyrell," Penny said. "This is Leonard."

"Dr. Hofstadter, it's good to see you. I love your and Penny's show. I try to get my grandmother to watch it, but I think all she pays attention to is how much the lady on it looks like your wife."

"It's nice to meet you too," Leonard said, shaking hands with Tyrell.

"Penny, are you sick?" Ms. Lidy said. "Why are you here with your doctor?"

"No, ma'am, Dr. Hofstadter is with the university," Penny said.

"My grandson Tyrell goes to the university," Ms. Lidy said. "Do you know him?"

"Yes, ma'am," Leonard said, looking at Tyrell. "I met him not long ago. He's a fine young man."

"I helped raise that boy when his mama died," Ms. Lidy said. "He's a hard worker. He leaves those girls alone and studies hard."

"He really does," Leonard said. "You can be proud of him. I forget what he's studying."

"Her grandson graduated with a double major in horticulture and farm management," Tyrell said. "He's having a tough time finding a job in the field, though."

"Ms. Lidy, Dr. Hofstadter has his car here. He is giving me a ride. Could we give you a ride home?"

"No, baby. This fine young man here said he's going to give me a ride home if I will stay a few more minutes."

Tyrell said, "Thank you, Penny, Dr. Hofstadter, but I have it covered. I'll get off in a few minutes. I really appreciate your checking on Miz Lidy."

"OK," Penny said hugging Tyrell. "You tell your daddy I said hello. I haven't seen your stepmom or your new little brother and sister since I was here for my cousin Sherry's wedding. You give them a hug from Aunt Penny." She hugged Ms. Lidy again and said, "Miz Lidy, you take care of yourself."

"You too, baby."

#

Deputy Naomi Mankiller turned on her flashing blue lights as the restored Ford Mustang in front of her swerved onto the shoulder for the third time. She got out of her police cruiser and approached the car.

"Command, Deputy Mankiller," she said into the lapel microphone. "I think I have a 10-55."

"Roger."

The driver rolled down the window.

"Good evening, ma'am," the officer said. "Do you know why I stopped you?"

Amy turned to the officer.

"Oh, dear," Deputy Mankiller said. "You're crying. What's wrong?"

"Here's my license, registration, and insurance," Amy said. She put her head on the steering wheel and wept uncontrollably.

"Oh, sweetheart. Why don't you tell me what's wrong," Deputy Mankiller said. She came over to the passenger side and sat.

"There's this guy. . . ." Amy said.

A few minutes later, Amy and Officer Mankiller were sitting across from each other in the Grand Junction Diner.

"Tammy Faye, we'll have two slices of Derby Pie," she said. She looked back at Amy and said, "Best thing for a broken heart."

"I don't think I can eat anything."

"How long since you've eaten?"

"Yesterday."

"Sweetheart," Naomi said, "I've been there. I left the reservation after the same thing happened to me. You just have to move on. Of course, I left him a little memento. Have you heard Carrie Underwood's song 'Before He Cheats'?"

"No. Who's Carrie Underwood?"

Naomi went over the jukebox and put in some coins. The song played.

"Wow." Amy said.

"That song could have been written about Harold and me," Naomi said. "Let's just say his car was the most important thing in his life and, well, it doesn't move anymore."

"Did he press charges?"

"No. He knows better. I thought it best to leave for a while, though. I'll go back to the reservation in a couple of years. I'm going to community college during the day and try to get evening and weekend shifts with the Sheriff's Department. I want to go back to the reservation and teach. I figure working as a deputy for four years has prepared me for the classroom."

"I don't want to destroy his car. I just didn't know what to do," Amy said. "I just got in it and started driving. I couldn't bear to go back for my things, and I didn't want to fly back home because I need to think. I went off and left my cell phone and my suitcase. Good thing I had forgotten to take my pocketbook out of his car."

"Well, making him have his car brought back from Los Angeles is a good object lesson, although I might have done a little more," Naomi said. "That's one fine car. Whoever restored it really knew what they were doing."

"I'm so stupid," Amy said.

"No, you're not stupid. You're sweet. Men like that will eat you alive."

"I don't ordinarily open up to strangers like this. I'm sorry," Amy said. "Who shares like this to a complete stranger? Here I just met you, and I'm telling you my life story. I'm not like that, I promise."

"Sweetheart, we're both women. You don't have anything to apologize for. I would advise you to get off Two Notch Road, though. They have a road block doing license checks as soon as you come into Gilead. I would take Sunset Road [pointing] and get back on the interstate. This time of the night, they're mainly looking for speeders on the interstate until you get to Moab. Better yet, now that I see the bags under your eyes, I think you need to check in at the Love Me Tender Motel, the one with the giant Elvis on the roof, just down the road. Get a good night's sleep and hit the road again tomorrow morning."

"Maybe I'll do that."

#

_Acknowledgment: I have to give a shout-out to my wife, my own Penny, who assisted me with refining some of the interactions among some of this chapter's characters, especially Penny and Cooter's interactions. In fact, I had another name for Cooter, and my wife suggested that Cooter might be funnier. She shot down a couple of things I was going to do that she thought was a bit ewww and would turn off some readers._


	10. Chapter 10 The Scram Consideration

The Expansion Paradigm

Chapter 10, The Scram Consideration

Penny knocked on Amy's door. "Amy, it's Penny." Knock, knock, knock. "Amy!"

"Dr. Fowler's not here," the woman in the house coat standing in the doorway across the hall said. "If it were anyone else, I would think she was out on a hot date on a Saturday night."

"Hi, I'm Penny," Penny said. "Amy's our friend. We're worried about her. No one's seen her in three days."

The woman said, "I'm Mrs. Stoltz, her landlord. She left here on Tuesday morning, and she hasn't been back since. I water her plants, and I can tell no one's been in the apartment."

"So there's no chance she's in the apartment and there's a problem?" Penny said.

"Not unless she's been in there in the last two hours," Mrs. Stoltz said.

"Oh, all right, thanks," Penny said, writing a phone number on a slip of paper. "Here's the phone number for a man named JaQuan. Could you call him when you see Amy? We're going to worry until we know she's all right."

"Sure. Penny?"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"I bought the Penny Collection."

"Great," Penny said.

Penny and Leonard walked back out to where Wyatt and Patti were waiting for them in Wyatt's car.

"No Amy," Penny said.

"I'm sorry, Slugger," Wyatt said.

The four of them stopped by the Cheesecake Factory on the way home.

"Hi, Raj, Alex," Penny said as they passed the table where Raj and Alex were eating.

"Hi, guys," Alex said. "Would you like to join us?"

Penny looked at the others. "Sure. We had an early lunch, and I'm starved."

"Are you guys on the way home from the airport?" Alex asked.

"Yes," Penny said. "We dropped by Amy's, but she wasn't there."

Raj said, "None of us have heard from her. Did you report her missing?"

"No," Penny said, "I'll report it if she doesn't turn up by tomorrow morning. We came on home because we hoped she would show up here, but I have people back in Ralston and Omaha looking out for her. We had to come back because the writers always messenger the script for the next week on Friday, and I have to be ready to go on Monday. Since it's Saturday and I have one day less to learn my part, Leonard and I'll have to dive in and have him help me read lines so I'll have it by then."

"Penny, you are beautiful," Alex said. "Pregnancy suits you."

"I feel like a cow," Penny said.

"No way," Raj said. "You are the most beautiful I've ever seen you."

#

At that moment, Amy was stopped at a light in Burbank. The person in the car next to her rolled down his window, honked, and said, "Miss, could you pull over? I want to talk with you. Please. It's important."

Amy pulled into the well-lit parking lot at Denny's. The man got out of his car and walked over to Amy.

"Miss, I just wanted to ask you about your car," he said.

Amy rolled down the window about two inches. She said, "This is not my car. I borrowed it."

"Did the person who loaned you the car restore it?" he said.

"I don't know," Amy said. "I thought it was an old car, I just don't know anything about cars."

The man handed Amy a card through the space between the window and the frame. "I'm Tag Johnson," the man said. "I work for a TV and movie production company. I would like to talk with whoever owns this car about maybe buying it."

"Why would you want an old car?" Amy asked.

"I work on several shows, including Castle," Mr. Johnson said. "We have a series of flashbacks to the 1960s and 1970s and could use a car from that era."

"My best friend plays Castle's mother in the 1960s and 1970s," Amy said.

"Penny? You know Penny?" Mr. Johnson said. "Penny and I work together. If you tell her you met Tag Johnson, she'll vouch for me."

"This car actually belongs to her brother Jason," Amy said.

"Do you have his contact information?" Mr. Johnson asked.

"Here. Let me write down his number," Amy said. She wrote down Jason's phone number on a receipt from a convenience store and handed it to Mr. Johnson. "Do you know where Penny lives? I'm going to return the car to Penny's home while Jason arranges to come get it."

"Could you call Penny and tell her I would like to look at the car?" Tag said.

"Unfortunately," Amy said, "I left my cell phone in Omaha. Is it all right if I give her the card and let her contact you?"

"That would be great," he said.

#

"That's Jason's car," Wyatt said as he drove up Leonard and Penny's driveway. They could see by the headlights that someone was sitting at the picnic table under the oak tree.

"Amy, what are you doing? We've been worried sick about you," Penny said as she got out of the car and rushed to Amy.

"I need to call a taxi, but I left my cell phone in Omaha," Amy said. "Gina must not be here. I rang the doorbell, but there was no answer."

"No," Penny said, "It's right here in my pocket." She reached into her coat pocket and handed Amy her iPhone. "It's all charged. We FedEx'd your bag here."

"Thank you," Amy said. She turned on the phone.

"Gina's on a date," Wyatt said.

"Anyone I know?" Penny asked.

"Some guy who owns a comic book store," Wyatt said.

"What are you doing?" Penny asked Amy.

"I'm searching for a taxi company," Amy said.

"Amy," Leonard said, coming up behind Penny, "I'll take you home. We stopped off by your apartment looking for you on the way from the airport. Come on into the house and let's talk."

"There's nothing to talk about," Amy said.

"Humor us," Penny said.

Amy sat at the table with Penny and Patti while Leonard took the FedEx boxes with their clothes from the trip into the bedroom.

"Amy, I'm so sorry," Penny said.

"Here," Amy said, handing Penny the card from Tag Johnson. "He says he works with you on Castle. He wants to talk with Jason about the car."

"Tag works with the studio. He takes care of all the cars. He's a former stunt driver and has worked on a number of movies," Penny said. "Amy, let's talk about what happened in Ralston."

"No, thank you," Amy said. "I would like to go home now. I can call a cab."

"Sweetie, Leonard and I'll take you," Penny said.

Amy was silent for the ride back to her apartment. Leonard carried her bag as he and Penny accompanied Amy to her door.

"Amy," Penny said as Amy opened her door and Leonard sat her bag in the living room floor. "Jason and his girlfriend told me what happened. I really want to talk to you about it."

"Penny, I just can't," Amy said. She closed the door.

"Poor thing," Penny said to Leonard as they walked back down the stairs.

#

Sheldon balanced his supper from the Siam Palace on his knee as he pressed the Play button on the remote resuming the _Fifth Element_ DVD.

Knock, knock, knock.

"Friggedy frack," Sheldon said, putting his take-out box on the coffee table on the wicker pad. He rose, approached the door, and cracked it open.

"Oh, hello, Penny. Leonard's not here, and Raj is on yet another date with Alex."

"I'm not here for Leonard or Raj. I'm here to see you."

"I don't understand."

"Sheldon, just open the door and let me in," Penny said.

"I'm tempted to say, 'Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin,'" Sheldon said.

"Sheldon, Leonard had to run back by his office at the university," Penny said. "I asked him to drop me off here. He'll be back in a bit. I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?"

"About Amy."

"Amy who?" Sheldon said.

"Sheldon, I've just flown here from Omaha. I'm tired, I want to go to bed, but I have a script for Monday to read first. Don't mess with me. What happened between you and Amy?" Penny said.

"She tried to take advantage of me the night before your father's wedding."

"Sheldon, she already talked to me about that. You told her you loved her and wanted a physical relationship with her."

"Did not, did not. She nullified our relationship, per the stipulations in Section 12, Paragraph B, to wit, unwarranted physical contact."

"Sheldon, do you remember drinking all of those Long Island Iced Teas the night before my Daddy's wedding?"

"I had several glasses."

"Sheldon, I'm going to regret this, I know it. Do you know what's in Long Island Iced Tea?"

"It's a blend of several teas served chilled, isn't it?" Sheldon said.

"Google it."

Sheldon went over to his computer and searched for Long Island Iced Tea.

"Oh, my word," he said. "That's horrible. I don't drink alcohol. Why didn't someone tell me?"

"Because you're so much easier to get along with when you've been drinking it," Penny said. "Amy thought you were all right with, uh, gettin' busy. That's why she tried to do what she tried, because you told her that's what you wanted."

"Really? I told her that?"

"That's what she says," Penny said.

Sheldon looked thoughtful for a moment. "She has never lied to me," he said. "But that doesn't change the fact that she knew I was drunk, and she was willing to take advantage of me."

"Sheldon, do you miss Amy? Do you want her back?"

"I don't know," Sheldon said. "I suppose that I would not object if we had never had the incident. But we did. You can't un-ring a bell."

"All right, Sheldon. Where's your relationship agreement with Amy?"

"You mean the defunct relationship agreement?"

"Yeah, that one."

Sheldon opened the drawer on his computer desk and brought out a document.

"Sheldon," Penny said, "You said the agreement was 14 pages. This document is 32 pages."

"I had to update the agreement after the Great Lip-Gloss Kerfuffle of 2013," Sheldon said.

"Don't you keep markers in your drawer? Hand me one."

"Why?"

"Just do it, Sheldon. And hand me a pack of those document flags."

Sheldon put his hands on his hips. "Not until you explain."

Penny bent down nose-to-nose with Sheldon. "Goodness, I am saying this a lot lately, but I am in no mood. Don't test me."

Sheldon looked at Penny for a moment, opened the drawer, and handed her a marker. "This is an indelible marker I use for labeling CDs and DVDs," he said. He handed her a pack of document flags.

Penny took the relationship agreement over to the coffee table. She moved Sheldon's supper to Sheldon's place on the sofa and began reading it.

"Meals go on the coffee table, not on the sofa," Sheldon said.

"Hey, I put it in your spot, get off my back," Penny said. "Let's see, nope, that's stupid," crossing out a line.

"Penny, you're invalidating a binding contract," Sheldon said. "And that marker is for CDs, not for paper."

"Hush! I'm reading," Penny said. "No, that's stupid too. It goes." She began writing in the margin.

An hour later, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," Penny said.

"Penny, I'm the resident at this apartment," Sheldon said as Leonard walked into the apartment. "What if Leonard were a home invader or someone handing out religious literature?"

"Sorry, old habits," Penny said.

"Hi, guys. It looks as if you two are getting along," Leonard said.

"Just a minute," Penny said, flipping to the last page. She wrote a couple of paragraphs. "All right, Sheldon, you need to start initialing here, here, and here [pointing]."

"I'm not initialing anything," Sheldon said. "I reject your changes."

"Sheldon, do you want my brother to tell you what happens when you piss me off?"

Sheldon grabbed his groin and his throat. "No thank you," he said.

"Start initialing."

Sheldon looked at Leonard.

"If I were you, I would start initialing," Leonard said.

#

Amy sat at her new vanity staring at her image in the mirror. "How could any man want you?" she asked herself. "You look like a 12-year-old boy." She stared at the Penny Collection with the note that read "For my friend Amy" in Penny's handwriting that lay unopened in the package in front of the mirror. "They need to include a DVD showing you how to use all this stuff."

Knock, knock, knock. "Amy, it's Penny."

Amy froze.

Knock, knock, knock. "Amy I know you're in there. Please let me come talk to you."

Amy sighed, walked to the door, and opened it.

"What's he doing here?" Amy said upon seeing Sheldon.

"Amy, Sheldon has something he wants to tell you, don't you, Sheldon?"

"Uh," Sheldon said.

Smack!

"Ow! Why did you smack me in the back of the head?" Sheldon said, rubbing his head.

"Tell her, Sheldon," Penny said, her arms folded. "Maybe we'll all be more comfortable if we come inside, Amy."

"Do what you want," Amy said, turning and walking to a chair and sitting.

"In!" Penny said.

"Where's Leonard?" Amy asked.

"He's waiting in the car," Penny said. "He thought this was a one-Penny job."

Sheldon followed Penny into Amy's living room with his head down.

"Well?" Penny said, her arms folded.

"Amy," Sheldon began. "Penny thought. . . ."

"No!" Penny said.

"All right. Amy, According to Penny. . . ."

"No, Sheldon. I running out of patience."

"Amy, I am willing to give our relationship another chance," Sheldon said. "I might be willing to take you back."

"Is that why you're here? Penny, I'm disappointed," Amy said, rising. She walked over and opened the door. "The two of you may leave."

Sheldon got up to go, but Penny grabbed his arm. "Sheldon, don't you have something more to say?"

"Amy," Sheldon said, "I'm very sorry that I have been a bad boyfriend."

"I'm listening."

Sheldon looked at Penny. "I have been a most inattentive boyfriend. I have ignored your feelings and have always put my needs ahead of yours."

"So?"

"I understand how, in frustration, you sought refuge in another man's loins."

"Ew," Penny said.

Sheldon turned and looked at Penny. "Anyway," he said, "Penny has made some changes. . . ."

"No!" Penny said.

Sheldon took a deep breath and said, "There have been some pertinent changes to the relationship agreement-if you approve." He produced the 32-page document. "Please look over the changes where I have initialed and initial above me." He handed her the document.

Amy took the document, sat on her sofa, and put the document on her coffee table.

"It says here in a change in Penny's handwriting," Amy said, "that we will now have date night once per week, on an evening on which we both agree, rather than once per month."

"That is correct," Sheldon said.

"And here," Amy said, "Either of us has the right to require the presence of the other at important events, including job-related functions, family events, and important personal events."

"That is correct."

"What about a physical relationship?" Amy asked.

"See here, written at the bottom of the final page," Sheldon said. "We will review where we are-with Penny as arbitrator-on a quarterly basis. If there has been no progress in our physical relationship, she will impose homework assignments. Oh, here's the first homework. Each time we see each other in a given day, we are to have a 5-second kiss on the lips-unless there are others present, in which case we can simply kiss and terminate."

Sheldon winced and checked the stopwatch feature on his watch. "I am also to compliment you when you have made an effort with your appearance, and, if you choose to wear makeup or do something with your hair or your attire, I am to say something supportive, to issue a sincere compliment on how you look, not object to it."

Amy read through the remainder of the changes. "Penny," she said. "These are obviously your changes. Did you bully Sheldon into agreeing to them?"

"Yes, I did," Penny said.

"You forced these changes?"

"Yes."

"You insisted he initial them?"

"Yes."

"You threatened to go Junior Rodeo on his ass if he didn't agree?"

"Yes."

"I'm fine with that," Amy said. "Hand me a pen." She began going through the document initialing each change.

"So, are we good here?" Penny said.

"I think we are good-on a trial basis," Amy said. "Of course, I will copy the agreement for my records."

"We good, Sheldon?" Penny asked.

Sheldon looked at the floor. "Yes," he said.

"Why don't I leave you two alone," Penny said. "Amy, since tomorrow is the alternate Sunday morning, do you want to take Sheldon for his exercise in the park, or do Leonard and I need to come back for him?"

"Why don't I call you if I need you?" Amy said.

"Call me either way," Penny said. "Leonard and I may do something if we don't have to take him to the park."

As Penny left, she turned to see Amy and Sheldon sitting silently on opposite sides of the room.

#

Leonard sat on the balcony of the hotel in Paris holding Penny as they watched the sundown. "You know," he said, "I have everything I could possibly want right now."

Suddenly, Penny started crying.

Gradually, Leonard woke, realizing that he had been dreaming and that Penny was crying in the bathroom.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" he said, pulling on his robe and rushing into the bathroom.

Penny stood naked on the bathroom scales. She turned her tear-streaked face to Leonard and said, "Leonard, it's terrible."

"What?"

"It's horrible."

"What?"

"Leonard, I weigh more than you do."

"What? Sweetheart, you're four months pregnant. You're an inch taller than me. You're having a healthy pregnancy, taking fantastic care of yourself. Other than craving onion rings and brownies, you're eating all the right things, you're taking your pregnancy vitamins, you're getting all the right exercise. You're doing great."

"Why do I feel so fat and ugly?"

"Sweetheart, you're the most beautiful you've ever been. The photo spread you did for Vanity Fair's article on your pregnancy is their most popular spread in a very long time."

"I feel like a cow."

"Come here," he said. Leonard led Penny back to the bed by the hand. Penny resumed her normal position of facing Leonard with her head at his chin level with them holding each other.

"Leonard," she said. "Do you realize that you don't touch me anymore?"

"I touch you all the time."

"Not the way you did before I was pregnant," she said.

"OK," Leonard said. "Maybe I'm having a bit of a Madonna complex going on. I guess I'm seeing you as more delicate, and I don't want to do anything disrespectful. If we get frisky, it just seems inappropriate."

"Does it bother you that I always come to bed naked when we're not with your family? I can't then because our nieces crawl into bed with us."

"I love that. Lying here holding my beautiful naked wife is the high point of my day."

"You don't think I'm hideous?"

"No, just the opposite," Leonard said, kissing Penny on the forehead.

#

Raj and Alex held hands as they exited the plane at the New Delhi airport.

"I hope your parents will approve of me," Alex said. "It was a good idea spending our Spring Break from the university here in India-if your parents don't hate me."

"My sister Priya has been talking you up to my parents," Raj said. "She showed them the articles talking about how your and Leonard's team is in the running for the Nobel Prize. She was going to wait until she left to meet us here at the airport to tell them that our brother wrecked our father's Bentley. They will be so upset they won't give you a hard time."

"Are they going to hate me because I'm not Indian?"

"No, they may object to our getting serious, and bringing you all the way here is something they will consider serious. They have enough class, though, that they won't cause a scene, especially if the servants are present."

"How many servants do they have?"

"They had four when I was here last year. I'm not sure how many they have now."

Raj led Alex by the hand to the area past security.

"Rajesh!" Priya said as she rushed through the waiting area.

"Priya, this is Alex," Raj said.

Priya hugged Alex. "Welcome to India," she said.

"Everything I have seen so far is beautiful," Alex said.

"I drove the minivan so we'll have enough room for your bags," Priya said.

Raj paid a porter to take the bags to the waiting car.

"This is where your parents live?" Alex said as the minivan pulled into Priya and Raj's parents' estate.

"It's not much, but it's home," Raj said.

"It's like a palace," Alex said.

As the minivan came to a stop, four servants ran out to grab the bags.

Priya led Raj and Alex into the entrance of the Koothrapali house. They were greeted by Raj's parents who were posed like two statues.

"Mommy, Daddy, this is Dr. Alexandra Jensen," Raj said.

"Welcome, Dr. Jensen, Dr. V. M. Koothrapali said.

Mrs. Koothrapali came over to Alex, looked her up and down as if she was buying a new coat, and said, "Welcome to our home, Dr. Jensen. Priya will show you to your room. Dinner is in two hours. Priya, please help Dr. Jensen get settled. Dr. Jensen, we will be having guests. I have taken the liberty of having the steamer brought to your room so that the servants can unpack your clothes and steam them so they will be fresh when you dress for dinner. We have hired a girl to come help do your hair and makeup. We want to make a good impression on the Singhs."

"Come on, Alex," Priya said, taking Alex by the hand.

Priya closed the door in the room where Alex would be staying. She let out a loud huff of air. "That went better than I thought it would," Priya said. "My parents are truly and rightly angry that my brother wrecked Daddy's Bentley. I think they like you."

"Really?" Alex said. "They didn't seem to."

"No, there are certain formalities when meeting your son's girlfriend," Priya said. "They are much happier with Raj being with you than they were with me being with Leonard. They would have probably been happier with Leonard now, since your team is under consideration for the Nobel Prize."

"Why do they want someone to come up and do my hair and makeup?" Alex asked. "What's wrong with the way I look now?"

"They are showing you off," Priya said. "They could have had the Singhs another time, but they wanted to make sure you were here when they came for dinner. Dr. Singh is the senior partner in the biggest neurology practice in New Delhi, and Daddy is the senior partner in the biggest gynecology practice. It is important to my parents to have their oldest son be associated with someone that would be worthy of him. They have been telling everyone how Raj's girlfriend is a doctor of experimental physics and is under consideration for the Nobel Prize. If you are beautiful as well, that will impress Dr. and Mrs. Singh. Dr. Singh likes beautiful young women. He is quite the flirt."

#

Penny snuggled with Leonard. "You smell nice," she said.

"It's just Lever 2000 and Costco shampoo," Leonard said.

Just then, the door opened.

Stomp, stomp, stomp. Thump. Linda landed in the bed on Leonard's side.

"Hey, Uncle Leonard. You're not Aunt Penny," she said. She crawled over Leonard to Penny's side of the bed. "Aunt Penny, we've never snuggled in your bed. This bed is bigger than where we've snuggled at my house."

"Well come on in and get under the covers," Penny said, holding back the covers.

Stomp, stomp, stomp. Thump. Molly crawled over Leonard and nestled between him and Penny. "Uncle Leonard, I wanna be your varmint again," she said.

Leonard squeezed Molly and said, "You will always be my varmint," he said.

"Aunt Penny," Linda said, "I want to see Midnight in the morning before we go to Disneyland."

"You bet," Penny said. "It's three hours earlier here than it is where you live. I'll bet you'll be up and ready to go by 4:00 a.m. I'll take you guys to see Midnight while he eats his breakfast."

"I'm taking riding lessons," Linda said. "I'm getting real good."

"I want to see you ride," Penny said. "My Daddy has some horses that I'll bet will be just right for you. We'll need to go for a ride."

"Uncle Leonard, Aunt Penny, I wish we could move here," Molly said.

"Well, I'm so happy you're here now. Aunt Penny and I have so many things to show you," Leonard said.

The next morning, Penny took the girls to the stables while Leonard took Mitchell to the home gym. "Midnight, this is Molly," Penny said as she held Molly up to pet Midnight. "Molly, this is how Midnight likes for us to pet him," she said as she scratched the bridge of Midnight's nose.

Midnight ignored Molly but nuzzled Penny.

Linda sat on the fence. Penny led Midnight over to her and let her pet Midnight. He snorted a couple of times but did not protest.

"Hey, Penny, who are your friends?" Wyatt said as he walked to the fence.

"This is Linda and Molly," Penny said. "They are my nieces. Linda, Molly, this is my Daddy. You remember meeting Patti when we all came to Boston? My Daddy is married to Patti."

"Hi, guys," Patti said as she walked up beside Wyatt. "It's good to see you again. Where's your brother?"

"Mitchell went with Uncle Leonard to see his and Aunt Penny's dojang: That's where they practice karate," Linda said.

"What are you guys doing in town?" Patti asked.

"My brother and I are on Spring Break. We all wanted to come here and see Aunt Penny and Uncle Leonard," Linda said.

"Penny, you're getting top billing, I see," Wyatt said.

"I love these sweeties," Penny said, kissing Molly on the top of the head.

"Well, I'm sure we'll see you while you're here," Wyatt said. "If you're around later, I'll show you my goats. I put up a fence, and they're cleaning off part of Aunt Penny and Uncle Leonard's property."

"Fortunately," Penny said, "Leonard's Spring Break is the same as Linda and Mitchell's, and we just finished filming _Nerds_, so we thought it would be a great chance to spend some time together."

"You're Aunt Penny's daddy?" Linda said.

"I sure am," Wyatt said.

"My Daddy's in eating breakfast," Molly said. "Aunt Patti, you're Aunt Penny's mommy?"

"No, sweetheart, I'm her stepmother-and her friend," Patti said.

"Like Grandma Rachel is Mommy and Uncle Michael and Uncle Leonard's stepmommy?" Molly said.

"Exactly the same," Patti said.

"You're pretty," Linda said.

"Thank you, sweetheart," Patti said. "So are you and Molly."


	11. Chapter 11 The XX Revelation

The Expansion Paradigm

Chapter 11, The XX Revelation

Penny lay on the cot with her belly exposed.

"OK, this is going to be a bit cold," Dr. Rogers said as she squirted the jelly on Penny's increasing baby bump.

A few moments later, Dr. Rogers turned to Leonard and said, "Do you see?"

"That's our baby," Leonard, who was holding Penny's hand and leaning over to see the screen, said. "I see the arms and legs, it's a little person."

"It's beautiful," Penny said. "And so active."

"I think the baby's reacting to your voices. Do you want to know the sex?" Dr. Rogers said.

Penny said, "We talked about it, and we want to know."

"Congratulations. You are going to have a little girl. And one who, from here, looks perfect."

"A girl," Leonard said staring open-mouthed.

"A girl," Penny said.

Leonard bent down and kissed Penny on the forehead. "We're having a girl."

Penny was crying. She hugged Leonard and said, "I love you so much."

"Penny, Leonard, I know you have family outside, Leonard's sister and Penny's father. Would you like them to step in and have a look?"

"Sure," Penny said.

"Glenna, could you step out and have Penny's father step in?"

"Sure."

A couple of minutes later, Wyatt stood next to Penny watching the image of his granddaughter squirm on the screen.

"A girl," he said. "I'm going to have a granddaughter." He hugged Penny and then hugged Leonard. "Wow," he said. "The sonograms are so much more detailed than they were when Penny's mom was pregnant with her."

Wyatt and Leonard stood staring at the screen. Leonard was still holding Penny's hand.

"It's a good thing you told me to bring a writable DVD," Leonard said. He stepped to the door, stuck out his head, and told Janice, who was sitting outside, "Come on in."

Janice stepped inside the room and looked at the screen. "Oh, she said. You wanted to know the sex, right?"

"We already know it's a girl," Leonard said.

Janice stroked Penny's forehead. "Penny, Leonard, I'm so thrilled for you. She's perfect."

Leonard went to the door and told the National Geographic Channel film crew, "It's OK, guys. Come on in."

#

An hour later, Penny sat on the sofa with Molly in her lap and Linda on one side of her and Mitchell on the other side. Molly was holding Penny's hair. Bernadette and Howard, Amy and Sheldon, Patti and Wyatt, and Janice and Paul sat where they could all see the wide-screen television. Gina sat on the floor in front of the sofa.

"The film crew from Leonard and Penny's science show filmed for a while and then interviewed the doctor, Leonard, Penny, Wyatt, and me," Janice was telling Bernadette.

"We're going to have a special episode on Penny's pregnancy and delivery," Leonard said. "We've been filming bits and pieces here and there, and we hope to have a crew in the delivery room."

"A lot of children watch the show," Bernadette said. "What are you going to go do about parents who might object to the content?"

"We're going to heavily advertise what's going to be on the show so parents can decide whether they want their children to see it," Penny said. "We'll run warnings before any sensitive content."

"I'll have to see where that one," nodding at Molly, "is at the time."

"Janice, we always get preview DVDs with each show," Leonard said. "We'll FedEx it to you ahead of time so you and Paul can watch it and maybe pick and choose what they watch. If you'll tell me anything you don't want them to see, I can get our folks to prepare a copy without the objectionable part. We don't plan to have anything too graphic on there. Our intention isn't to tell children about sensitive issues."

Leonard put the DVD into the Blue-Ray player. "I've sent the video to Raj and Alex in India, my dad in New York, and Michael in Cambridge in an AVI file," he said. "I've sent files to all of you as well. I'll make DVDs later. I wanted to go ahead and show you now." He turned to the children on the sofa and said, "Now, Molly, do you remember what you wished the baby to be?"

"It's going to be a girl," Molly said. "I wished for a girl, it's going to be a girl."

Leonard hit the Play button on the remote.

The children watched enthralled as the image of the baby squirmed on the screen. "It looks like the movie of Molly," Linda said.

"Aunt Penny, is it a boy or girl?" Mitchell asked.

"Uncle Leonard and I are going to have a little girl," Penny said.

"Told you," Molly said as she clapped.

"See?" Mitchell said, "It just popped up a message. It says there on the movie, 'It's a girl!'"

"What's her name?" Molly said.

"You know, sweetie, Uncle Leonard and I haven't decided for sure on a name yet," Penny said. "What name do you think we should give her?"

"You could call her Penny," Molly said.

"Penny, Jr.?" Penny said. "OK, what else?"

"Gretel," Linda said.

"Rosalind," Mitchell said, "For Rosalind Franklin."

"The genetics person you talked about in your science fair project?" Penny said.

"Exactly," Mitchell said. "The first person to photograph the DNA molecule."

"Those are all good," Penny said. "Why don't we think about it."

"Hermione," Linda said. "Like Harry Potter's friend."

"I'm going to call her Barkley," Molly said.

"The dog on Sesame Street?" Janice said, laughing.

"I like Barkley," Molly said.

"You could call her Katie," Amy said.

"Oh, that would be wicked," Penny said.

"How about Beverly, for your mother?" Sheldon said. "She is a remarkable woman, Leonard, and maybe that would go a long way toward repairing the rift you caused with her."

"Sheldon, Leonard didn't cause a rift with his mother. Beverly is being a pill," Penny said. "You know what, guys? I think Uncle Leonard and I will have to think about what to call the baby. I like your ideas, though."

Molly turned around and kissed Penny's tummy. "I love my cousin Barkley," she said.

#

Alex and Raj sat in his parents' den. Raj was streaming the video of Penny's ultrasound on his parents' wide-screen TV.

"The baby looks perfect," Dr. V. M. Koothrapali said. "It is obviously a girl. Very active. That is a good sign. Oh, there it is on the screen: 'It's a girl!'"

"Leonard and Penny have to be thrilled," Alex said. "They wanted a baby so much."

"Penny, this is the girl you told us was your 'new squeeze'?" Mrs. Koothrapali said.

"Yes, Mommy, yes, Daddy," Raj said. "But Penny only had eyes for Leonard. That was before I met Alex."

"Dr. Jensen," Mrs. Koothrapali said, "The Singhs were very impressed with you. Mrs. Singh said you are very beautiful-and very intelligent. They were both impressed by your manners."

"They were both very kind," Alex said. "The Sarees you and Mrs. Singh wore were beautiful. There is a lot of beauty in the Indian culture. By the way: You don't have to call me Dr. Jensen. My friends call me Alex."

"Why did your parents give you a boy's name?" Dr. Koothrapali said.

"My name is Alexandra," Alex said. "They named me after my great-grandmother. They just call me Alex for short."

"Alexandra is a much prettier name-classy," Dr. Koothrapali said.

"I would be more comfortable calling you Alexandra. I must admit you are fitting in very well," Mrs. Koothrapali said. "You dressed very modestly. Not all American women do."

"The couple who own my apartment building are Indian," Alex said. "Mrs. Patel knows I am seeing Rajesh and has been talking to me about your culture. She helped me pick out the clothes that I would bring. I asked her if I should wear a Saree here, and she said that would be offensive, that I should simply dress modestly. I would never intentionally do anything to offend, and I certainly do not want to embarrass you."

"Mommy, Daddy," Raj said, "Alex always dresses modestly."

"Alexandra, we are not, what is the American expression, 'Fuddy Duddies,'" Mrs. Koothrapali said. "You would be beautiful in a Saree. I assume that we are still planning for you, Priya, and me to go into town later?"

"Yes, ma'am," Alex said.

"Good. I have arranged for us to go see Haroon and Tanvir at their salon. Haroon does hair, and Tanvir does makeup."

Alex looked at Raj, who subtly nodded _yes_. "That would be lovely," she said.

"Mommy, Daddy, I am going to take Alex for a walk around the grounds," Raj said.

"That is fine," Mrs. Koothrapali said. "When you return, it will be time for Alexandra, Priya, and me to get ready to leave."

Alex returned to her room to find an outfit laid out on her bed.

"Oh, Alex, you're back," Priya said behind her.

"What is this?" Alex said.

"Mommy wanted to do something nice for you," Priya said. "She wanted to show you off to her friends, so she bought this and several other outfits and had them sent here. She and Daddy really like you. They have been telling their friends about the beautiful, intelligent doctor of experimental physics Rajesh brought home to meet them."

#

Alex looked up at the framed poster of Freddie Mercury as Tanvir fussed with her.

"Oh, my, you have such beautiful eyes and lips," Tanvir said. "Mrs. Koothrapali, I have this fabulous new makeup line that we are using. It's called the Penny Collection. Alex, why are you smiling?"

"My boss, Dr. Hofstadter, is married to Penny," Alex said.

"THE Penny?" Haroon and Tanvir said at the same time.

"Yes, THE Penny," Alex said.

"You are friends with Penny?" Haroon said as he trimmed Alex' hair.

"Yes, she is very sweet," Alex said. "She and her husband are expecting their first child. They are two of the finest people you would ever meet."

Tanvir held the mirror up to Alex. "What do you think?"

"You did a very good job," Alex said. "I usually don't wear a lot of makeup."

"You are beautiful," Mrs. Koothrapali said.

"Alex, you really are," Priya said.

"Alex," Haroon said, "I am just doing a bit of shaping with your hair. You have a face for long hair. Let's try you without the bangs, though."

#

Wyatt tightened the saddle on Honey, the small paint he had picked out for Linda to ride.

"Penny's daddy," Linda said, "I know how to saddle a horse."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," Wyatt said. "I'm used to boys and girls coming here for riding lessons who have never been around horses before. Remind me next time, and I'll let you saddle the horse yourself. And why don't you call me Wyatt?"

"OK, Grandpa Wyatt," Linda said, testing the strap on her helmet.

Wyatt smiled at Penny, who was tightening Midnight's saddle. He mouthed, "Grandpa Wyatt." He watched Linda as she climbed onto Honey's saddle.

"Here, Penny," he said, reaching for Molly. "Let me put this young lady up here on the fence while you mount Midnight." He sat Molly on the fence and steadied her. "Penny, are your sure it's all right to ride?"

"Dr. Rogers said it's all right as long as I don't do anything too strenuous. It was so important to Linda and Molly to go riding with me. I promise I'll stop riding after they return home. I'll still make a point of coming out and making a fuss of Midnight at least once a day."

Molly squealed and clapped. "I'm gong to ride Midnight," she said.

Penny adjusted her helmet while Wyatt tested Molly's. She mounted Midnight and rode over to the fence. Wyatt helped her put Molly on the saddle in front of her. Molly giggled.

"OK, sweetie," Penny said. "Hold on. Here we go."

Wyatt mounted Dancer and brought the horse over so that Linda was between him and Penny.

Karen opened the fence gate, and the three horses went through toward the pond.

"Linda, you're doing very well," Wyatt said.

"Thank you Grandpa Wyatt," Linda said.

They rode down the dirt road to the pond, where the movie company had shot _Serenity II_ and _Support Your Local Governor_.

"The movie company is preparing to shoot scenes from _Red Rider_ here," Penny said. "They aren't here today yet."

Molly said, "I love riding Midnight with my Cousin Barkley."

"You know, Molly," Wyatt said, "You're almost big enough to ride a horse by yourself. Aunt Penny started riding horses when she wasn't much bigger than you are."

"Aunt Penny showed us pictures of her riding horses when she was a little girl," Linda said.

"I'm still a little skeered," Molly said.

"Sweetie," Penny said, "I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

"I'm not skeered when I'm with you, Aunt Penny," Molly said.

"Molly, if you want, when we get back, I'll put a saddle on a sweet little horse named Daisy, and I'll let you ride it around the corral," Wyatt said.

"Maybe," Molly said.

When the riders returned to the corral, Janice was standing outside the fence with her husband Paul. She was taking a video of the group with her iPhone.

"Mommy, Barkley and I are riding Midnight with Aunt Penny," Molly said.

"Barkley?" Paul asked.

"My cousin Barkley," Molly said, patting Penny's tummy.

Penny rode over to the fence and handed Molly off to Paul. Molly hugged him around the neck and said, "I like Midnight. He's a sweet horsie."

Karen came over and told Penny, "Penny, let me unsaddle Midnight."

"That's sweet," Penny said. "Thank you." She dismounted Midnight. Karen proceeded to unsaddle the large horse. She brushed him and turned him loose. Midnight came over to Penny, who was by now holding Molly. He nuzzled Penny again. This time, when Molly patted the bridge of his nose, Midnight nuzzled her.

"Look, Mommy, look, Daddy, I'm getting horsie kisses!" Molly said.

#

Bernadette woke to find Howard's side of the bed empty. The clock at the head of the bed said 2:12 a.m. She put on her robe and walked into the den. Howard was lying on the sofa with the remote in his hand. She stood in the doorway as he repeated the video of Penny's sonogram.

The DVD reached the end, and Howard started it back from the beginning.

Bernadette turned and walked back to the bedroom. She sat on the side of the bed for a few minutes and finally crawled back to bed.

#

Amy realized that it was 2:12 a.m. "Oh, dear," she said. "I must have fallen asleep. The sofa is actually pretty comfortable." She reached for her remote control and pressed Play. The image of Leonard and Penny's baby filled the screen. When the video finished, she played it again. "Maybe Sheldon and I do need to look into in-vitro fertilization," she said.

#

Sheldon woke. "2:12 a.m.," he said as he looked at the clock. "Maybe, if I get up and do something, I'll be able to go back to sleep."

He got up and went to the TV. He took out a DVD and put it into the player. Images of him delivering a lecture from 2003 filled the screen.

"I am remarkable," he said.

When the video ended, he got up, prepared a cup of cocoa, and played the DVD again.

#

Patti found Wyatt in the living room watching the ultrasound DVD.

"Sweetheart, it's 2:12 a.m.," she said. "Are you all right?"

"I couldn't be better," Wyatt said. "That little life up there on the screen is my granddaughter."

"I know that Penny isn't my biological daughter," Patti said, "but I love her dearly-and Leonard. They are going to be wonderful parents. And you are going to be the best grandfather ever."

"I can't wait," Wyatt said. "There are so many things I want to teach her. I want to be there for her-and for Leonard and Penny-for a very long time. And she is going to adore her Grandma Patti."

#

Leonard looked at the clock, which read 2:12 a.m. Molly was sound asleep snuggled between him and Penny. He squeezed her and then kissed the top of her head. He reached over Molly to put his arm over Penny, who was spooning with Linda. He reached down and laid his hand on Penny's tummy. "My little girl," he said softly.

Leonard got up and went into the den. He turned on the TV and inserted the sonogram DVD into the player. He sat smiling as he ran and re-ran the video of his daughter.

"Hey, little brother," Janice said coming up behind him. "I heard you in here and thought I should come see if everything is all right."

"I'm just so excited. I can't get over it. We're going to have a little girl."

"I know that you and Penny would be just excited if you were having a boy."

"I know. I know I didn't have my heart set on one as opposed to the other, and Penny assures me she felt the same way. We just want the baby to be healthy."

"You and Penny are going to be phenomenal parents. After watching both of you with my babies, I don't have any doubts at all that both of you are going to be the best parents."

"Penny has so much love in her. I know she's going to be wonderful."

"You do too, Leonard. I don't know how, coming from the parents we did. I love Mother and Father, but we didn't grow up in the most loving of homes."

"Janice, you are a terrific mother," Leonard said. "You married a wonderful man, and the two of you show those children every day how special they are and how much both of you love them."

"Our little brother isn't too bad either," Janice said. "Do you think the way we grew up is the reason he and Renee haven't gone ahead and gotten married?"

"I don't know. I see how much he loves Mitchell, Linda, and Molly. And he and I have become really close starting with that first weekend when all of you met Penny. I think he would be a super dad."

"Maybe we can work on him a bit," Janice said. "Leonard, I know that Linda and Molly come jump in bed with you and Penny whenever you're under the same roof. Do you need me to stop that?"

"Please don't," Leonard said. "Penny and I both look forward to having them. Pretty soon, they're going to be bigger and won't want to do that anymore."

"All right, but please let me know if they need to stop."

Janice and Leonard sat and watched the DVD again.

#

_Request for Advice: As you saw in this chapter and the last, Raj has taken Alex to New Delhi to meet his parents. I see that I have had 27 visitors from India who have viewed this story 81 times. I sincerely want to celebrate the Indian culture, never to offend it or do something that members of the culture would consider inappropriate. I would appreciate advice regarding what Alex would wear while in India and where Mrs. Koothrapali would take her to show her off. What would Alex wear that would be appropriate?_

_Thank you for any advice. I must admit that I am considering discontinuing updates to this story, since I don't see that the story is generating much interest. I am going to continue writing chapters, I just haven't decided whether to continue posting them. I may take a vacation from them for a bit and work on something else while I decide. Even if you don't hear from me again with updates to this story, I really appreciate the reviews people have been kind enough to send me. If I don't see you again, take care.  
_


	12. Chapter 12 The Addendum Resolution

The Expansion Paradigm

Chapter 12 The Addendum Resolution

Penny sat on the sofa in Wyatt and Patti's den surrounded by her friends.

"Penny, one week until your projected due date. How are you feeling?" Bernadette said.

"Oh, I feel bloated. The baby is sitting right on top of my bladder, so I have to pee every five minutes. My ankles are the size of tree trunks. But I am so excited: I can't wait until the baby comes."

Alex handed Penny a box with a large bow on it. The wrapping paper had lambs on it. "Raj and I wanted to give you these," she said.

Penny opened the box.

"Alex," she said, "These outfits are beautiful-so colorful. Are they from India?"

Alex said, "They are. I know you're getting a lot of things for a newborn. When I was in India and saw these, I thought it might be good to get something for the baby when she's a few months older. There is an outfit for about three months and outfits for about six months and one year."

"She's going to look like a little princess," Penny said.

"Well," Patti said, "In a way, she will be."

Penny hugged Alex and then Raj and said, "Thank you so much."

"We wanted to do something special for your baby," Raj said.

Penny looked at all the gifts and said, "Thank you guys so much. You know you're my dearest friends."

At that moment, the doorbell rang.

Gina said, "I'll get it." She went to the door to find a middle-aged woman holding a gift.

"Yes?"

"Is this the baby shower for Mrs. Hofstadter?"

"Yes. I'm Penny's sister Gina."

"I'm Dolores Ramirez," the woman said. "I work with Dr. Hofstadter."

"Please come in," Gina said. "We're in the den."

Mrs. Ramirez came into the den.

"Everyone," Gina said, "This is Mrs. Ramirez. She works with Leonard."

Penny struggled to stand and said, "Mrs. Ramirez, it is so nice of you to come. We've actually met-when you catered the reception the department had for Leonard and me. I'm Penny."

"Mrs. Hofstadter," Mrs. Ramirez said, "I brought something for your baby. I hope you like it."

"Let's see what it is," Penny said. "Please join us. You've already met my sister Gina. These are my stepmother Patti, and my friends." She introduced Alex, Bernadette, and Amy as well as her friends from _Castle_, _The Sixth Element_, and _Nerds_. "Leonard and the other men are at our house next door."

"Mrs. Hofstadter," Mrs. Ramirez said, "Has anyone told you that pregnancy suits you? You are even more beautiful than you were on the red carpet from Cannes a couple of months ago when you premiered _The Sixth Element_."

"That is so sweet," Penny said. "And please call me Penny."

Penny opened the box and squealed. "Oh, my! Everyone, look at this." She held up the box and revealed a beautiful dress with lace and detailed needlework. "This is so beautiful."

"It's a Christening gown," Mrs. Ramirez said. "Do you already have one?"

"No, I don't," Penny said. "I can't tell you how much I appreciate this."

Mrs. Ramirez said, "As soon as Dr. Hofstadter told me you and he were expecting a girl, I started sewing it."

Penny hugged Mrs. Ramirez and said, "I don't know what to say."

"You have to know what a good friend your husband is," Mrs. Ramirez said. "Of all the people in the Physics Department he and [nodding at Alex] Dr. Jensen always treat me with dignity and respect. Until you and he got married, he and I would often eat breakfast together. I knew how much he loved you, I think, before you did. I would tell him about my family, and he would tell me about his Penny. Even when you and he weren't seeing each other, all he would talk about was you."

"He hasn't mentioned you lately," Penny said. "Have you taken off some time?"

"No," Mrs. Ramirez said, "They have cut back my hours so much that I rarely see him anymore. I am going to have to look for another job."

Penny said, "Leonard always speaks so highly of you. You are in housekeeping, right?"

"Yes, I'm the head housekeeper. I also cater any special events they have, such as receptions," Mrs. Ramirez said. "I have to tell you that I am going to miss Dr. Hofstadter."

"I thought that, as a state employee," Penny said, "you were protected from drastic reductions in hours."

Mrs. Ramirez said, "Actually, I'm not a state employee. I work for the Slayton Corporation. The state contracts with them to provide janitorial and housekeeping services, so I don't have the protection that state employees would have. They have taken away our retirement accounts, and they have reduced my hours so much that I don't have health insurance."

"That is so horrible," Penny said.

Later that night, as Leonard was holding Penny, Penny told him about her conversation with Mrs. Ramirez.

"She is one of my best friends," Leonard said. "We are about as close as if she were family."

"She obviously loves you a lot."

"Well, the feeling's mutual. Her husband died in Iraq, leaving her with three sons. Two are in college, and the third is at the police academy. The Army has helped, but she still struggles. I wish there was something I could do for her."

"Leonard, let me run something by you," Penny said. "You are working all these hours at your job, not to mention that you do the laundry, all the cooking, and all the cleaning while I pull all these strange hours. You're keeping the household running."

"You do your share too," Leonard said. "And Gina has been taking a lot of the responsibility for our housekeeping needs."

"I'm going to need Gina once the baby comes," Penny said, "not to mention that you're going to have extra responsibilities with the baby. What would you think of seeing if Mrs. Ramirez would be interested in being our housekeeper?"

"Let's think about it," Leonard said. "Why don't we sleep on it and talk more about it tomorrow?"

#

Penny talked to Sheldon's image on Leonard's car's dashboard. "Sheldon, thank you for babysitting me while Leonard goes to the university. He says he shouldn't be more than a half hour while he throws some things in the bag at his office so he can handle any brush fires while he's out with me. He's uneasy about leaving me at home alone this close to my delivery date. Is there anything we can bring?"

"Can you make me sorbet?" Sheldon said.

"Sure, sweetie," Penny said. "We already have everything I need there, so we won't need to stop off and get anything on the way. If you want, I'll get Leonard to stop off and get some things for you to have there. We'll see you in about 10 minutes." She pressed End Call on the screen, and the radio returned to the Stevie Nicks retrospective.

"Leonard," Penny said, "You really don't have to worry about me I'm fine."

Leonard said, "This is the one day when there wouldn't be anyone around while I was gone, since Gina went to Las Vegas with your dad to bring back the horses he bought and Patti had a subpoena to be in court. Let me dote. It's one of the perks of being married to a beautiful woman who is carrying my child. I just want to make sure someone's with you every minute. I wish you would have just let me bring Sheldon to the house rather than bring you here."

"I'm feeling fine," Penny said. "And, if I should start having contractions, you'll be just 10 minutes away, 10 minutes closer than if I was home. Remember what we learned in our prepared childbirth class: Most women go several hours once they start having contractions before the show starts. They warned us that, even if I'm in labor, once I start having contractions, the hospital is likely to send us home for a bit. Besides, Sheldon complains when he has to work from our home because he says your firewall keeps him from doing everything he wants to do."

"I just wanted to be sure you had someone watching out for you while I'm at the office," Leonard said.

"Is Sheldon going to get into trouble working from home today?" Penny asked.

"Oh, no," Leonard said. "Everyone actually prefers that he works from home as much as possible. He said that working at home will keep 'those pesky students' from bothering him. Raj and Bernadette offered to stay too, but they both have demanding schedules today. Howard's back at NASA but will be returning home tonight."

"'Those Pesky students.' Aren't students the reason Sheldon has a job?"

"Yes, but Sheldon thinks that he is paid for what he knows, not what he teaches."

#

Leonard cut off the car.

"Sweetie," Penny said. "Could you bring my hospital bag? It has my iPad and some other things I might need."

"Sure." Leonard removed the bag from the trunk and walked over to Penny's side of the car and helped her stand.

"Thank you, sweetie," Penny said, holding her gigantic baby bump. "It is going to be strange not having this baby bump."

"Are you sure you and Sheldon will be all right? I would really rather stay with you. Alex can bring me anything I need. I'm not sure Sheldon is going to want to have someone nearing her due date staying with him."

"You heard me promise to make him some sorbet. That will keep him happy. Besides, remember: My mom was in labor for two days with all three of us, so, even if I go into labor, we're probably not going to be in any rush."

Just then, Leonard's phone rang. "Hello? [Pause] Oh, hi, Alex. [Pause] That's going to be pretty difficult. I had planned to be out with Penny today, but I was just about to come grab some things for when I'm out with her. [Pause] Are you sure? [Pause] OK, Penny and I will be right there."

Penny said, "What's up?"

"The radiation alarms are going off. We've had to shut down the laser array."

"And you want me to go with you where there are radiation alarms going off? I don't think so. Let's just take me up to the apartment."

"Are you sure you can make it up the stairs?"

"No problem. I'll be fine. It's only three flights. Remember when we went to the observatory last week and had to climb all those stairs? Leonard, I'm in great physical shape."

Ten minutes later, Penny finally made it to Sheldon's apartment door. "Wow," she said. "I don't remember there being so many stairs."

Leonard knocked on the door. Sheldon opened the door and said, "Oh, good. I have everything ready for you to make me sorbet."

Leonard put Penny's hospital bag on the coffee table. "Thanks, Sheldon," he said. "I shouldn't be long. I probably just have to change out one of the switches. I really need to teach Alex how to do that. If there's more to it than that, I'll just shut down the laser array until I can spend more time with it or get someone else to come work on it. I should be back in 30 minutes."

Leonard hugged Penny, kissed her, and said, "I love you. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Sweetie, I'll be fine."

Sheldon looked at Penny and said, "Why are you sitting? I thought you were going to make me sorbet."

"Sheldon, I just barely made it up three flights of stairs. Let me rest for a couple of minutes."

"You're in my spot."

#

Leonard arrived outside the lab as Alex arrived with security.

"Leonard," she said, "I've had security seal off the floor, and I threw the breaker to the power system in the lab."

"Thank you, Alex," Leonard said. "Remind me to show you how to troubleshoot and replace the gate switches. If that's what's up, I'll show you today. I'm sorry that I keep forgetting to give you keys to some of the locks and combinations to the rest."

Leonard went to his office with Alex behind him. He opened a combination lock on a box labeled "Switches #24807-G." He wrote down the combination to the lock and handed it to Alex. "I apologize: I really should have shared how to do this with you long before now. I'll show you what to do," he said. He reached in and retrieved a rectangular box. "Let's make sure the radiation in the lab is gone," he said. He and Alex walked to the lab. "Could you check the radiation level?" he said.

Alex typed some figures into the monitor outside the lab. "No radiation," she said.

Leonard took a radiation detection badge out of the lead-lined envelope in the slot with his name on it. He clipped it to his pocket and handed Alex the one from her slot. "Let's go see," he said.

Leonard used the cordless screwdriver to remove the protective plate revealing the switching box. "There it is," he said. "Do you see?"

"I see it," Alex said.

"Let me test it just to be sure," he said. He went over to the toolbox and retrieved a simple meter. He walked back over and handed the meter to Alex. "Just put the red sensor on the left terminal and the black sensor on the metal frame," he said.

"There's no movement of the needle. That means it's bad, right?" Alex said.

"Right. Let me test one thing just to be sure the meter is working correctly. He touched the two sensors to the metal frame inches apart. The needle moved all the way to the right. "All right, he said. The meter's fine. The switch is bad."

"So how do we change the switch?" Alex said.

"We start with the tool kit in the box under the cabinet," Leonard said. "These are special non-metallic tools. If you use metallic tools, you can short out the new switch."

Leonard proceeded to remove the eight screws holding the switch plate to the frame. He removed it, exposing the cavity in which the switch sat.

"Now just gently remove both ends from their terminal clamps," he said. He rocked the switch until both ends left the clamps.

He held the old switch up to the light. See?"

"I see," Alex said. "If you hold it up to the light, it's black on the inside. The new one is clear."

"Right. Now, why don't you install the new switch. Just match positive to positive and negative to negative. It's marked on both places."

Alex rocked the two ends into their clamps. "Got it," she said.

"Now reinstall the plate and the eight screws," Leonard said.

Alex reinstalled the plate and the screws and secured the cover. "Is that it?"

"That's it," Leonard said.

As they closed the lab door, Alex pulled down the Frankenstein switch to re-enable the laser array's power supply.

"Dr. Hofstadter," Lt. Green said as he ran up the hall. "There's some sort of emergency. Dr. Cooper has been calling for you. Apparently you weren't able to answer your phone."

"I had to leave it in my office," Leonard said. "It would fry the circuits if I had it in the lab when we re-enabled the power."

Leonard and Alex rushed back to Leonard's office. He picked up his cell phone from the desk, where he had left it. He saw that he had two missed calls from Penny, two from Sheldon, and one from Dr. Rogers. As he gathered the files and his portable hard drive with a duplicate set of data and put it and some folders in his spare messenger bag, he dialed Penny. There was no answer. He checked the messages.

#

"Wow!" Penny said, "That was a bad one! When are those paramedics going to get here?"

"I had a bad feeling about your coming here so close to your due date," Sheldon said.

"Penny," Dr. Rogers said on speaker on Penny's iPhone, "just try to relax. And for Pete's sake, don't try to walk down those three flights of stairs."

"I called the paramedics 10 minutes ago," Penny said.

"Oh, lord, oh, lord!" Sheldon said, wringing his hands. "What am I going to do?"

"How far apart are the contractions now?" Dr. Rogers said.

"The last one was two minutes from the previous one," Sheldon said, holding his smartphone with the stopwatch app enabled. "Penny, no. Don't sit there. That's my spot. You're having contractions in my spot."

"Oh, crap!" Penny said as her water broke.

"Oh, lord! It's a flood!" Sheldon said.

"What?" Dr. Rogers said.

"My water just broke," Penny said.

"OK," Dr. Rogers said. "Don't panic. Remember to breathe. My nurse is calling the paramedics again. How are you doing?"

"I'm about to panic, and I feel as if I'm going to vomit. Oh, the horror, the horror! That's how I'm doing," Sheldon said.

"I was talking to Penny."

"Sheldon, hold my hand," Penny said.

"I'm really not comfortable. . . ."

"JUST HOLD MY DAMNED HAND!"

"Obviously, you are in transition," Sheldon said.

Sheldon held Penny's hand.

"Yow!" Sheldon said as Penny squeezed his hand.

"Stevie Nicks, that was a bad one," Penny said. "Oh no! Owwwwwwwwww!"

"That was less than five seconds," Sheldon said. "Penny, you're hurting me."

"Yowwwwwwwww!"

"Sheldon, Penny, the paramedics are going to be delayed," Dr. Rogers said. "There is a 12-car pile-up on Colorado. All available paramedic teams are there, and they can't get through."

"That's the way Leonard will come," Penny said. "Sheldon, call Leonard again."

"I already tried to call Leonard just a couple of minutes ago," Dr. Rogers said. "It went to voicemail."

"Hello, Leonard?" Sheldon said. "Where are you?" [Pause] "There's a 12-car pile-up. You're going to have to detour. [Pause] Really? How far until you can turn around? [Pause] The baby is coming now, and the paramedics are delayed. [Pause] Oh, lord, what will I do? [Pause] Well, that wasn't helpful."

Sheldon said, "He's stuck. Traffic is standing still. He's going to try to park on the shoulder. It's three miles by my calculation, and there's no way for him to turn the car around and find an alternate route."

"Sheldon, here's what you do," Dr. Rogers said.

#

Leonard managed to pull his car to the side of the road.

"Hey, buddy! You can't park there," a police officer parked in the car behind him said.

"My wife is in labor. I'm going to have to make a run for it."

"How far?"

"I don't know, maybe a couple of miles."

"OK, Lock the car and take off. I'll put a note on the car. Come back for it as soon as you can. I would offer you a ride, but, as you can see, I can't move my car either."

Leonard locked the car and began running.

"Sheldon? Sheldon?" he said into his phone. "Drat! There's no one there." He dialed Sheldon's number, but the call went straight to voicemail. The same thing happened when he dialed Penny's number. He called Dr. Rogers' office, but the nurse said that Dr. Rogers was on the phone dealing with an emergency.

By the time Leonard arrived at the apartments, he was nearly out of breath. He pressed the button for Sheldon's apartment, but there was no response. He pressed the button for Mrs. Gunderson's apartment, then Mrs. Vardabedian's apartment, but no response came from either.

Finally, Mrs. Gunderson came from the parking lot carrying a bag of groceries. "Hi, Leonard," she said. "It's good to see you."

"Mrs. Gunderson," Leonard said, "I'll explain later, but I really have to get in."

"Sure," she said. She handed him her groceries and unlocked the door and held it while Leonard walked in.

"Thank you, Mrs. G," Leonard said, handing her the groceries as paramedics pulled up and started in with a gurney.

"We're here for Mrs. Hofstadter," the older paramedic said.

"This way," Leonard said. "Fourth floor, apartment on the left." With that, Leonard bounded up the stairs, leaving the paramedics behind.

Leonard reached the fourth floor and flung open the apartment door. "Penny. . . Oh, my!" he said as he saw Penny lying with her head on the left side of the sofa, holding a baby wrapped in a blanket. He ran to Penny and hugged her. He almost tripped on all the towels on the floor

"Leonard," Penny wearily said, "I would like you to meet your daughter."

Leonard wept as he kissed Penny and his new daughter.

"Ma'am, sir," the older paramedic, who had just arrived, said, "We need to check over the mother and the baby. Ma'am, did you deliver the baby yourself?"

"No," Penny said, "Sheldon delivered the baby. He is in the toilet throwing up."

They could hear Sheldon retching.

"Jim," the older paramedic said, "Why don't you go check on the man who's sick while I check over the mother and the baby."

"Leonard?" Dr. Rogers said through the speaker in Penny's phone. "From everything Sheldon said, you seem to have a healthy baby girl. She came out screaming, which is a good thing. The paramedics are going to bring Penny and your daughter to the hospital. I'll meet you there as soon as we can all get there. I've called ahead. I think I'm about five minutes closer than you are."

"Thank you," Leonard said.

"Leonard?" Dr. Rogers said.

"Yes?"

"Congratulations."

"Thank you so much."

"You don't have to keep thanking me. You might want to thank Sheldon. He was wonderful. Is the paramedic there?"

"Yes, Doctor," the older paramedic said.

"Let's do a quick check of the mother and baby and then let's everyone head to the hospital."

#

_Coming Next: Epilogue_


	13. Epilogue

The Expansion Paradigm

Epilogue

Howard looked around the sanctuary of the Caltech chapel. He asked Leonard, "Are you sure it's all right that I'm going to be your daughter's godfather? I mean, does your team let Jews be godfathers?"

Leonard said, "Don't sweat it. Penny and I cleared everything with Rev. Boggs. If he had any objection, we would have gone with another minister: It's non-negotiable. You're family, Howard. He and Penny are close. He's cool. He didn't have any problem with us including Raj, and he's Hindu. He chuckled over the number of godmothers and godfathers we brought with us, but he thinks it's neat that our daughter is growing up surrounded by so much love."

"Leonard, I promise I'll be there for your daughter."

"I know, Howard."

Rev. Boggs stood at the altar and said into the microphone, "Now it is time for one of the happier occasions for a college chaplain, or any minister, the Christening of a new member of our community. Penny, Leonard, would you please bring the child to the altar, and would the grandparents and the godparents also please join us?"

All the group but Alex rose. Penny turned to Alex and said, "Alex, you too. Come on."

"Me?" Alex said. "Are you sure?"

"You," Penny said. "Please. Stand next to us. I thought you understood that we wanted you too-unless you don't want to. Alex, you were Leonard's prize student, and you've become a member of the family."

Alex rose and held Raj's hand as she walked to stand next to Leonard and Penny.

Rachel handed Miranda off to Janice, who was sitting with her family.

Rev. Boggs said, "When Leonard and Penny got married, they were in Cambridge, Massachusetts, snowed in during that region's Great Blizzard of 2013. When Howard Wolowitz came to me and asked my permission to set up a chapel-to-chapel teleconference for family and friends here to see the wedding, I was not prepared for the sweet, nerdy wedding that I was about to witness. Thanks to Howard, we have set up telecommunication with Penny's family in Omaha, Nebraska at the National Guard Armory. We attempted to set up teleconferencing with Leonard's mother in New York, but she was unavailable."

Penny leaned over to Leonard and whispered, "I'm sorry, sweetie."

Rev. Boggs said, "I became close to Penny one month after her and Leonard's wedding when Leonard was nearly killed. Penny and I spent several nights in the waiting room outside the ICU at the UCLA Medical Center while we didn't know whether Leonard would live. We got to know each other very well. During that time, Penny shared with me her dreams for her and Leonard. And now here we are. As you can see, Leonard fully recovered and is healthier than ever. That was a year and a half ago. We have come together for one of the most joyous of occasions, the welcoming of their child into our group."

Rev. Boggs conducted the ceremony, dripping the water from the lily onto Leonard and Penny's daughter's head. Penny was holding the baby, who was dressed in her beautiful Christening gown that Mrs. Ramirez had made her. Penny kissed Rev. Boggs on the cheek as he bent down to Christen the child and whispered, "Thank you."

"Everyone, may I introduce Emily Grace Hofstadter," Rev. Boggs said. He turned to the audience of Leonard and Penny's friends, family, and co-workers, and the students who had wanted to come, and said, "During the time when Penny and I sat together in the waiting room, I extorted a promise from her that, when the time came, I would officiate at her child's Christening, and she has kept that promise. Leonard and Penny thought long and hard about what to name the child. They decided that her first name would be from Leonard's paternal grandmother Emily."

Al squeezed Rachel's hand.

"They decided to take her middle name from Penny's paternal grandmother Grace."

Wyatt smiled at Patti.

Rev. Boggs continued: "You can look at the number of people surrounding this lucky child and know that she will grow up surrounded by love. Emily is fortunate to have all four grandparents and two step-grandmothers, as well as Penny's brother and sister, Leonard's brother and his fiancée, Leonard's baby sister, and Leonard's big sister, husband, and their three children. We also are fortunate to have six godparents. [He pulled out the paper on which Penny had written the names.] Howard and Bernadette Wolowitz, Rajesh Koothrapali, Alexandra Jensen, Sheldon Cooper-who delivered Emily-and Amy Farrah Fowler. It is the role of the godparents to look after the moral development of the child."

Sheldon leaned over and whispered to Penny, "You still haven't signed the godfather agreement."

"Shut up, Sheldon."

At the end of the ceremony, Rev. Boggs announced, "Leonard and Penny invite all of us to attend a reception for their daughter Emily Grace Hofstadter in the fellowship hall."

#

Sheldon manned the now obligatory build-your-own-sundae bar. "I have Sheldon Specials," he said as he donned the paper hat.

Wyatt carried Emily to one of the computer stations Howard had set up in the room to connect with friends and family in Omaha.

"She reminds me of Penny," Penny's cousin Elise said, from Omaha, as Wyatt held Emily up to the webcam. "So calm. Is she always this calm?"

"Oh, yes," Wyatt said. "She's just like Penny in some ways. The pediatrician calls her an 'easy' baby. She established her eating and sleeping schedules immediately. Unlike Penny, though, she's about as even-tempered a baby as I've ever seen."

"That was Leonard," Al said, walking up to stand next to Wyatt. "Whenever he cried as a baby, you knew something was wrong."

Leonard was passing by with a glass of punch and said, "She gives me that look that Penny does when she can't believe how brainless I am: Wyatt, you know that look."

"Oh, yes," Wyatt said. "The one where she does that thing with her lips and tilts her head toward you and frowns? I was carrying Emily out to see the animals, and, when I bent down, a newborn kid licked her on the foot. Emily's only two weeks old, but she gave me that look of Penny's as if she was saying, 'Why don't you get it together, old man?'"

Leonard made it over to Penny, who was sitting next to Wyatt holding Molly, who was holding her hair, and handed her the glass of punch.

"Thank you, sweetie," Penny said.

"Aunt Penny," Linda said, "Has Emily ridden Midnight with you?"

"Not yet, sweetie," Penny said. "My doctor hasn't told me it's all right for me to ride again yet. But I take her out with me when I go see Midnight if she's awake. Midnight is interested in her, but I haven't ridden with her yet."

Janice said, "She and Leonard are adorable together."

"I know she's only two weeks old," Penny said, "but I can already tell that she's going to be a daddy's girl. She loves her daddy."

"Leonard seems to be in heaven," Janice said.

"He's in love," Penny said. "You know, when he went back to work after Emily was born, I thought he was going to cry as he left. Alex said he sits at his desk and stares at pictures of Emily and me all day. Whenever she gets fussy, as soon as he picks her up or she hears his voice, she calms down immediately. She seems to get excited when he's around. I found some videos of him giving lectures, and she becomes really quiet when she hears his voice. I'm videoing him reading children's books so she can hear his voice reading them when she's older and he's not there. Right now, I think she's just responding to the voice. When I'm finished breastfeeding her, if Leonard's not there, I put her on his pillow, and she zones out and goes to sleep."

"I love my cousin Em-lee," Molly said.

"You know something, sweetie, Emily is going to love her Cousin Molly. You can teach her all sorts of neat things."

"I love my Uncle Leonard too," Molly said.

Penny squeezed her and said, "Uncle Leonard and I love you too. And Linda and Mitchell. Do you remember that being around you and Linda and Mitchell was one of the things that made Uncle Leonard and me want to have our own baby?"

Patti came over to Wyatt, bent down, and caressed Emily's cheek. "There's my sweet girl," Patti said, kissing Emily on the top of the head.

"Sweetheart," Wyatt said to Patti. "Are you all right? You seem a little off-kilter."

"I'm fine," Patti said. "I'm just having these wild cravings."

Leonard's and Wyatt's heads swiveled at the same time.

"Like what?" Wyatt said.

"I have been craving strawberries and Leonard's homemade peach salsa," Patti said. "Oh, and brownies-I really want some of his homemade brownies."

"Uh, oh," Leonard and Wyatt said at the same time.

"Did you say you are having some cravings?" Bernadette said, walking up to them and reaching to take Emily. "I have been having these strange cravings too. Brownies sound good-and cantaloupe. Ooh, and onion rings." She kissed Emily on the top of the head and squeezed her. She looked at Howard and said, "I think I want one."

Wyatt and Leonard looked at each other. Howard looked at Leonard and Wyatt and said, "What?"

Leonard started laughing.

#

Penny woke to find Leonard's side of the bed empty. She looked at the clock, which read 3:16. She heard at least one voice coming from the den. She got out of bed, put on her robe, and went into the hallway just short of the den. Leonard sat on the sofa with his knees up with Emily propped up on them and his back to Penny. He did not seem to notice that Penny was standing behind him.

"I heard you moving around on the baby monitor. I would really like to know what's going on in that beautiful head of yours. I know you don't understand a word I'm saying," Leonard said in that exaggerated way adults talk to babies, "but your mommy and I love you so much. You're my little girl. I am going to show you every day how much I love you and how special you are. I promise I'll protect you and do everything I can to never let bad things happen to you. You are going to know every moment how much your mommy and I love you and how we would never, ever do anything to hurt you."

Emily, who was silently watching Leonard, yawned.

"Goodness, that was a big yawn: When you yawn that big, I see your toenails from the inside. It's kind of unsettling when your eyes cross like that, but the pediatrician says that's normal. You are perfect." He leaned down and kissed Emily on the forehead.

Emily did that thing with her lips that Penny does and stuck out her tongue as she waved a fist and kicked.

"Yeah, I think so too," Leonard said. "Emily Grace Hofstadter, I love you. I'm going to nibble on your toes." He pulled up Emily's foot and kissed her toes.

Emily screwed up her face as if she was a scientist studying a new insect.

Penny, who was still standing silently behind Leonard, heard Gina creep up behind her. She turned, put her finger to her lips, and pointed to Leonard.

"You know something, Emily?" Leonard said. "I have the two women I love more than anyone else in the world right here in this house. You, your mommy, and I are going to have a ball. I love both of you so much. I can't wait each minute to see what the next moment with you and your mommy will bring. I spend a lot of time fantasizing about all the neat things the three of us are going to experience together. I promise you that I will never, ever, ever mistreat you-and I won't stand by and let someone else mistreat you. You will never ever have to ask yourself whether your mommy, all your friends and family, and I love you and are proud of you."

Gina mouthed, "That's so sweet."

Penny nodded.

Penny and Gina silently returned to their beds. As Penny snuggled up to Leonard's side of the bed, she kissed his pillow and said, "Leonard Hofstadter, I love you."

#

Author's Note: Thank you for bearing with me through this story. Obviously, I cut it short. I have talked with some of you about what's going on, but, if we haven't talked and you want to know, please send me a PM.

I didn't realize how much it would disappoint some of my friends and anger others that I cut the story short. I sincerely did not mean to offend anyone by doing that-I just didn't see that there was that much interest in the story. I was thinking about simply stopping posting, but several of you said I should at least finish it. I had wanted to explore such topics as Raj and Alex' growing romance, what the devil is going on between Amy and Sheldon, and Howard and Bernadette's struggles about parenthood. I've said before that I wrote basically all of the Home Invasion story a year to several months before I posted any of it, although I made some major revisions as the show progressed and some of my friends posted stories that were so similar to mine that I changed mine. For example, I had Raj beginning to be able to talk to women a year before the show had it. I had this current story planned out before I wrote it. I have not written anything at all on a new story, the one after this but before the Emily Paradigm, but I am thinking about starting a new story beginning just after this one and dealing with Leonard and Penny's experiences as new parents as well as the other characters' stories. I have a major plot twist that would make it interesting-not Penny going Nebraska on home invaders interesting, but interesting. If you have any thoughts about my doing that or not doing that, please drop me a PM. I'm probably going to write it, I'm just still deciding whether to inflict anything else on my friends.

One final request: I love reviews and PMs, but please, if you review, sign in so I can correspond with you. That is, please no anonymous "guest" reviews.

Take care.


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